Haemi-Sphere

Eviction Notice

2004-12-09T07:56:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm moving out from Blogger by my own initiative. The construction at my new home, Bloggerina.com is not complete, but I'm moving there. I haven't ported my blogger entries to the new home, but I'll do that sometime soon, and in the mean while, I'd appreciate y'all if y'all could change your links accordingly. For now, all other info would remain the same, such as e-mail addresses and whatnot. This move is a BYOCH event -- Bring Your Own Construction Hat -- because there will be loads of stuff being constructed and moved around and heavy machinery involved. Thank you.

By the way, this means that I probably will not be back here unless nostalgia moves me to... but the archives will remain.

Just Finals Remain

2004-12-07T23:39:00.000-08:00

I finished my last day of class for the semester -- all that remain are the final exams, which will take place, starting Thursday. The Thursday after, I will have a personal day -- I always have one at the end of each semester, where I completely refrain from school and work! I'll probably be working on WP, MT, and EE though. I will be working on them intensely over this weekend -- I know it is exam week, but I am usually not one to sit around studying for final exams. In fact, final exam week is more relaxing than any other point in the semester, because there usually aren't homework or projects assigned. Therefore, no work to do, other than actually sitting in the classroom, taking the exam. Going through the motions, I s'pose.

Overall, I am quite displeased with this semester. I know most of it is my fault -- I took procrastination to new heights (started writing a research paper 3 hours before it was due!), and I don't think I read any of my text books, other than the Shakespearean plays. To say that I could have done better would be an understatement. I botched up this semester, and the grades will reflect it. That isn't to say that I would be failing any of my classes; however, I was interested in raising my cumulative GPA, and I should have done as well as my last semester from which I ended with a 4.0.

Not all of the disappointment is my fault. I am very displeased with my political science course. The concepts explored in class are hardly reflective of what the school catalogue dictates -- this is a required course for almost all college graduates, regarding the US government. However, because the instructor has other agendas to cover (i.e. brainwashing us into becoming liberals), I feel as though I have not received the adequate education I deserve and paid for. Most of the classroom learning took place on-screen in class, where we were shown clips of recent television news, as well as some historical/political films regarding certain administrations. Most of the class was spent listening to the instructor disprove Ann Coulter and how the media is actually biased to the right, not to the left. In fact, in today's class, he stated that Ann Coulter was stupid and has no brain. Hmm. So much of the semester was spent talking about Ann Coulter, (who I think is a very intelligent and vocal woman), and how utterly wrong and lost she is. That isn't the course I signed up for! If I wanted to get left wing propaganda, I'd go elsewhere, thank you very much!

Ok... enough yapping for now. I've got a lot to conquer before the year's up, and time's ticking... (photoshop, paint shop pro, MT, WP, EE... and practice CSS also...)

Notice

2004-12-07T13:01:00.000-08:00

Blogger was not cooperative last night, so I posted my entry in Bloggerina.com, although I hesitate to say it... it hasn't been "tweaked" yet, so it looks really plain. But even plain is better than waiting around for Blogger, I suppose...

Chatting with Christopher

2004-12-05T23:11:00.000-08:00

Just came back from meeting Christopher. Started out with casual conversations sitting on the ground at the local Barnes and Nobles, between the Fiction & Literature and Mystery shelves. It continued onto a marathon talk fest which carried onto some coffee (for me) and choco-milk (for Chris) with excellent cusine a la Denny's. Never knew I could be so gabby! Would go into more detail, but I simply must get to the Statistics homework. Procrastinated WAY TOO LONG as it is, and even now, I am really pushing it by blogging instead of homework-ing. So I am going, even if I have to pry myself away from my computer with a crowbar.

www.Bloggerina.com

2004-12-05T13:55:00.000-08:00

Bloggerina.com is open for business. I thought I'd never figure out Movable Type, but I finally did, with the help of some Divas, I made it out alive. I will still be here for at least until the end of 2004, while I prepare for the move (I'll need a U-haul or something!).

In other news, I have started using Wordpress at Nightingale.fierceblogs.com. The spam zapping plugin was installed (thank you Ria!) and now there are no more spam in the comments! I have reverted to the dull, generic template, because I was trying to do too many things on it and deleted too many things, and I wanted to start from scratch again...

I'm going to need a construction hat for all the building and re-building I'll be doing...

Just Came Back from Death

2004-12-04T22:26:00.000-08:00

About an hour after lunch, I had a inkling feeling in my tummy. It wasn't bad, but uncomfortable, and also indescribable. I never felt that kind of way in my tummy before. I came home, and I felt alright. I had some food, watched a movie, and toward the end of the movie, my tummy started acting up. Then it got real bad.

I thought I should just go to the bathroom, but that wasn't it. It was weird -- a radiating pain that pulsated in the top part of the abdomen. The pain escalated faster and faster, and I decided that it was time to do something about it. When I went to get some sort of medicine, my mind went blurry, and all I could think of was the Tylenol. But before I grabbed the bottle, I collapsed onto the floor, clutching my stomach and crying out in pain. I don't think I had ever felt so much physical pain in my life. Even that time when I got acupuncture. I finally got the bottle of Tylenol, opened it, and swallowed it, but it often takes some time before pain is alleviated.

I finally managed to get to bed, and I couldn't even lie down because of the pain. I was in near fetal position, groaning and moaning, and tears started to well up in my eyes, and I could feel them soaking my eyelashes when I shut my eyes tight. My mom prepared a heating pad, and I seriously contemplated going to the nearest emergency room. The pain was so great that I may need some sort of intervention. The pain continued, but the heat from the bag of corn seeds (Not sure what this is called, but it's a cloth bag filled with some sort of hard seeds -- you microwave it for 3 minutes and it gets hot, and you can use it for heat therapy) relieved some tension. Here I am, now, nearly an hour later, and I feel like I'm back among the living. The pain is still there, but obviously, not bad enough to hinder me from blogging (although, I admit, very few things in the world would hinder me from blogging).

What was the cause of this pain? I don't know. Will it be back? Hopefully not. I feel lightheaded from the suffering, so I apologize if I haven't been coherent or very interesting.

**UPDATE: Not feeling too much better, evidently. Barfed. Twice.

Written Last Night

2004-12-04T08:35:00.000-08:00

I was trying to post as usual, but I got this message from Blogger:

Error
We apologize for the inconvenience, but we are unable to process your request at this time. Our engineers have been notified of this problem and will work to resolve it.

It's Saturday, December 4th, 1:12 AM. I didn't do much today, although I've been sitting at my desk almost all evening. I've moved wordpress into the correct directory, so that the blog resides now at Nightingale.fierceblogs.com, rather than /wordpress/index.blah blah blah. And I'm trying to re-do CSS and the layout so it would look nice. I can say for one thing though -- WP is MUCH easier to install than MT or EE. I looked over EE quickly before deciding that I will need more advanced skills to work it. I am struggling with MT, but it's coming along, tiny baby steps at a time. Wordpress, although I am having problems figuring out all the codes that go along with it, I have installed it and it looks good. I have even installed a plugin as suggested by Ria (who must be like webmaster goddess), Tinka's cousin. It's called Spaminator, and it is supposed to get rid of all the SPAM that comes inside the comments. (Thank you Toni, for your concern regarding the amount of SPAM that I was getting!) And I started fresh, so no SPAM remains, as well as real comments and such. Hopefully I won't have to do anymore destructive work on it!

I wanted to initially go for a sanitary look -- a layout that just screams, "HEALTH GURU!" But I couldn't find any images appealing to me that provoked images related to health or nursing, so Tigger will adorn the page until then. I need to get to bed immediately. Brain power is diminishing at a fast rate, and I may just collapse onto my keyboard. Also, I need to get some sort of cushion for my chair, which is made of wood with no cushioning whatsoever. After sitting here for hours after hours, my rear end feels like it's been flattened. And I need to stretch. And yawn. And sleep. Mmm... sleep~~~

Blog Addiction

2004-12-03T11:14:00.000-08:00

I just can't stay off the computer, it seems. I am now at work -- I will be stuck here until 6:30PM. I wanted to fit in working with my blog stuff, but I can't. Despite the fact that I've been working almost continuously and ardently on this, I can't remember any of the passwords for anything. I can't remember passwords. It is one of my biggest flaws -- you would think that something so small would have little impact, but it's huge.

In Jr. High school (which we called middle school), we had to use a combination lock for our PE (also known as gym) lockers. We didn't use other lockers, but we had one solely for storing PE uniforms and tennis shoes. Well, that was definitely tough. But it was one combination of three numbers, so it wasn't that bad.

In high school, we got regular lockers, and also PE lockers. Which meant TWO combinations to memorize. I had to resort to sharing a lockers with a pal, just in case. And during this time, e-mail and the internet started to boom, which meant I had to make e-mail and set a password for that. I had AOL then, and it was suggested that the user frequently change the password for security. And being a good follower of direction, I did. I tried. And I forgot my password frequently and had to write them down and tape it on my desk (beats the purpose of secrecy but oh well).

When I got off of AOL, I started to use Yahoo and Hotmail, and because of the amount of SPAM, I had to keep one that I used to contact people I actually knew, versus another one for signing up for things and newsletters and such, which meant that I had more than one e-mail and more than one passwords. Then I got a bank account, and the ATM card had a PIN, and I opened a savings account, and that ATM card also had a different PIN. Then I had a pager, which had a voicemail passcode, and later, cell phones which had voicemail passcodes as well. And now, I have my blogger and its password, and it's gotten pretty bad that since I can't get the same login name for every single thing I sign up for (i.e. e-mail, blogs, etc) I have to remember which login name goes with which password. And keeping track of that became especially hard. I have to login to everything frequently or else I'd forget it -- like online banking. I only use it when I need to, which is about twice a year, and I always forget the login name and pw for that!

Long story short, I have the passwords for the ftp and wordpress and etc. at home, so I'm ok. Bottom line though, is that I have gotten myself addicted to working with my blog, and I'm feeling weary and suffering from withdrawl currently because I can't get a hold of my blog. Well, at least I have this blog, but this blog is already done. Already complete. Already worked on. Already templated and laid out and written in!

Can I just say... I am beginning to miss WordPress?

Status

2004-12-02T16:55:00.000-08:00

I have sat in my chair for about 4 hours straight. Working on all this stuff, like Wordpress etc. I took a breather from working with Wordpress, and at worked on new things! I have submitted my rather meagre portfolio to Web-Divas.com -- you can see it at web-divas.com/portfolio along with the works of the original two divas, Cherry and Rachel. They took me in and attempted to supply me with equipment that I would need, along with a very warm welcome. I am regretting not saving all the work I put into my own blog, because as you can tell from the title, this is version 10, and I only have the last 5 of them saved. I made blog layouts for my brother also, and I haven't saved those either, save for one, which I must have accidentally saved or something.

I also worked on getting my own domain and getting it hosted, courtesy of Amscray.com. As I have mentioned a few times before, I am extremely commitment phobic about certain things that are meant to last FOREVER and EVER, e.g. webpage domain, and I was debating for a looooong time! Finally, push came to shove and I had to make and executive decision (my brain being the executive branch of myself) and just do it. So I did. It's www.Bloggerina.com. Initially I thought it may be too cheezy, but then I thought, well, that's what I am -- cheezy! So Bloggerina.com it is. Don't bother going there yet though, because there's nothing there.

I am trying to work with movabletype. I will continue to work with Wordpress at the location provided to me by Tinka, and hopefully I can get a layout for that and start a fresh new blog. I intend to record all my student nursing experiences... I am hoping that starting nursing school will give me plenty to blog about! And I will ultimately move this blog over to the new domain and blog about everytime else... like I'm doing now. In exactly one week, final exams start, and in another week after that, school is out! Then I'll have plenty more time to work on stuff and and get a move on.

Work With Me WordPress

2004-12-02T01:25:00.000-08:00

I was working on Wordpress over at nightingale.fierceblogs.com/wordpress/index all night. I finally moved some stuff around, so it kinda looks like this blog. I just wanted to get a feel for the codes before I actually start making a new layout. It's still looking funky, to say the least... the writing's small and well, you can read about rest of the problems over there.

Work was tough today (or rather yesterday -- the ends/beginnings of the month are invoicing time for me, which means I sit most of the day buried under piles of paper) and I also had something of a mini-crisis regarding The Girl Formerly Known As My Best Friend™. I was talking to her younger sister to see if there was a possible solution to the problem, but we didn't come to any conclusion. Well, regardless of everything, I need to sleep. So sleep I shall.

Houston We Have A Problem

2004-12-01T20:48:00.000-08:00

Internet service is horrible this evening, and I can't manage to stay on-line for more than 5 minutes at a time. I will be working on Wordpress and Statistics homework most of the evening. I will be blogging as usual if router decides that it would rather behave than get beaten to death. But first, spaghetti. Mmmm... carbs...

Good News from Today

2004-12-01T11:03:00.000-08:00

Did I get an official job offer from Web-Divas.com? Yes I did! Received an e-mail from Rachel at Web-Divas.com! I am so happy that I should be jumping up and down but I can't (I'm at work). I am both excited and slightly intimidated (I think slight intimidation is good -- keeps me humble) -- it would be an opportunity to learn more CSS, HTML, all those lovely acronyms, while earning extra money (money = good), and I was going to quit my current job (selling cellphone is such a drag!) anyways!

But of course, the downside is... will I be good enough? Sure I can work my own blog, but I never had to work within a restricted time frame. Also, I just barely got stared with Wordpress -- I'd feel much more comfortable after I finish the layout and make it look complete. For now I will trust their decision to hire me and go from there.

I think I'm going to go to the bathroom now and jump out and down and try my best to muffle my yelping. Such a nerd am I.

Triumph!

2004-12-01T00:43:00.000-08:00

When I got the necessary info from Tinka, I set up the e-mail almost immediately. Then I had to eat and take care of some stuff, also while downloading an ftp thing, and downloading wordpress. I came home after school, watched Harry Potter: The Prisoner of Azkaban on DVD (will review perhaps later) and afterwards, I plunged right into getting this host/domain/mysql/blog/wordpress thing hashed out. And within one hour, I am done.

I haven't created a layout for the blog yet, but I made a test run, and everything works fabulously! Here's proof! nightingale.fierceblogs.com/wordpress/index.php. The address is tentative as of now, but the link should work for the time being. The only problem I see at the moment is that "wordpress" shouldn't be included in the URL. But I have succeeded and conquered Wordpress. Now I can go to bed happy!

December 1 is World AIDS Day

2004-12-01T00:00:00.000-08:00

Please click on the link in the left column that says "Treating 3 Million by 2005." Also click, Worldaidsday.org. It is important that, even if nothing else, we acknowledge that there is an AIDS epidemic. It is a serious problem and it is one that poses a great threat to all of us, healthy and otherwise.

A Renewed Sense for Procrastination

2004-11-30T16:53:00.000-08:00

I lied. I¡¯m sorry. I was going to read Othello, honest. But then I got an e-mail from Tinka, and Tinka is just the most wonderful person! Not only is she a talented writer, she is also something of a humanitarian. You could say that she gave me an early Christmas gift! Long story short, I can now blog independently of Blogger! Can ya believe it? She offered to help me with the installation of the Wordpress, but I am going to try to rough it out on my own. So far, guess what I did! No, I didn¡¯t exactly install Wordpress yet, but I did download it and unzip it (correctly I hope, as Tinka instructed..). AND, I set up my very new e-mail with MS Outlook. I remember setting up Outlook at work, and it was somewhat confusing, but today, I handled it like a pro. Oh, I am just so proud! And I couldn¡¯t believe that I could set it up so quickly and smoothly, so I just had to go and test it. I wrote: title: blah blah. And content was, ¡°testing working?¡± And it was indeed working! So Yay! I know I¡¯m kind of far from taming the beast that is Wordpress, but I am excited. It¡¯s also giving me more reasons to procrastinate from doing homework. But I am so proud. Gee. But I have to say¡¦ I just know I am going to drive myself absolute nuts with this. But I¡¯m just sooooo excited! But now what am I supposed to do with Othello here, still fresh and untouched and unread¡¦?

My Life and its Soundtrack

2004-11-30T15:47:00.000-08:00

It sure took long to get here, but I¡¯m finally here. Better late than never, I say. I am going to the orientation session for the nursing program tonight! There, I will receive all the information needed to start the program ? I¡¯m expecting to learn things like the secret nurse handshake and stuff like that. You know. Something that kind of initiates me into the status of a ¡°nursing student.¡± I know that¡¯s still a long way off from graduate nurse (a.k.a. newbie nurse) or even just a licensed registered nurse, but it sure beats pre-nursing student ? a status I¡¯ve had for the last three years. And the best part is, under normal circumstances, I will be out in two and half years, ready to sit for the NCLEX-RN exam. My school has over 95% passing rate on the first attempt, so I doubt I¡¯d fail that. So, to say that I am excited would be an extreme understatement. Blogger has been horrible lately, and my internet connection has gone haywire (more so than normal), and I have been reduced to typing my blog entry in a Word document. So you may note some differences. Writing in this white page of the Microsoft Word interface is something I only do for academic purposes ? mainly, to write papers. It can be said that I have been conditioned to write academically while I stare at such a screen as this. So it is normal, if you feel that you have either visited the wrong blog, or perhaps, that my blog was possessed by a grammatically correct demon (while I am aware of my self-made reputation as a Grammar Nazi¢â, I am also aware of the fact that I commit crimes of grammatical nature all the time). I am currently listening to Vanessa Mae. If you do not know who she is, I will sum up her story for you. She is a violinist. As you know, classical musicians have a hard time selling CD¡¯s ? boys may buy Britney¡¯s CD to drool over, and girls may buy Britney¡¯s CD so they can emulate her, but not many classical geeks are out there who want to drool over a violinist or emulate one. A few years back, there were a lot of inquiries on Vanessa Mae¡¯s album cover ? they were, in no comparison to Britney¡¯s sexually suggestive school girl outfits or bare-all midriff, but it was highly sexual; highly sexual for a classical violinist. I mean, she went from a rather androgynous girl with cropped hair, into a sleek woman with a revealed slender shoulder. Critics claimed that the revealed shoulder was to compensate for poor sales; I claim that that¡¯s all just a load of brouhaha. Mae is not only a gorgeous woman, but also one hot violinist. A song titled ¡°The Devil¡¯s Trill¡± is one I particularly like. As a former intermediate violinist, I understand the discipline and patience required to acquire the technical skills, and the artistry to make it sound effortlessly beautiful. Her music attracts all sorts of listeners; this is a characteristic that is unique to Mae, as most classical music is exclusive and foreign to many people. She mixes it up and modernizes the classics ? there is an element of fusion in her notes. Hop on over to your local music store and sample a song or two. You will find that there are more unique things about her than the shared birthday with Paganini. Now I must go. I have to get started on Othello. Out of all the assigned readings from my Shakespearean English class, this is the only play I haven¡¯t read already. It seems so odd to me that all my past English teachers assigned all the same plays to teach. Perhaps they only teach you a few plays to go with in graduate school or something! Shakespeare was not only a good writer, he was a fast writer. He wrote many many many plays during his not-too-long life. Certainly there is a more interesting and less clich?d play to teach than Romeo and Juliet? As beautiful as that play is, Shakespeare wrote so much more than just Hamlet, R&J, Taming of the Shrew, and Henry V. There is also a trend ? I don¡¯t know if this is just anecdotal evidence, but instructors acknowledge that students have a fear of reading Shakespeare because of the language barrier, and in their efforts to break down the formidable wall, they often eliminate the historical plays (or make minimal effort at them). I personally like the historical plays more. But alas, sometimes one just needs a good teacher to help point to the highs and lows of a Shakespearean play. It is often very difficult to hash it out on my own. Well, I suppose I can always rent a movie version. (Gag) Enough procrastination for now. I¡¯ve also got a set of DVDs that should be coming in today, including the third Harry Potter film. I¡¯ve already seen it in theatres, but I just love those kids¡¦ especially Hermione. Well, gotta go~ Ta, ta!

Brrrr~! Frozen!

2004-11-29T22:46:00.000-08:00

It took me practically eons to log into Blogger and get to this screen to type. It adds to my current wanderlust -- I want to wean myself off from Blogger. I always complain about my customers, who want to pay nothing for a phone that works miracles, with great coverage. Perhaps I am not much different -- I want to blog for free (or very very close to it) and yet I want something reliable and fast and also room to host images and such. No such thing as a free lunch, I suppose.

I was talking to Christopher over at Californian Sojourn the other day, and he told me that it was practically freezing. Granted, he lives way out there (middle-o-nowhere), but I really should have taken that comment more seriously. I went to class tonight wearing the same thing I wore to work -- jeans and a medium-weight turtleneck sweater. I tend to forget that more often than not, Thanksgiving ushers in a wintery feel in the air. Walking to class at 6PM was cold enough -- walking back to the car at 9:40 PM was freakishly cold. You know, cold enough that the rims of your ears start to go numb and you can't feel them anymore. So cold that my hair felt cold.

I know it may seem like I'm blaming the weather for my lapse in judgment, but allow me to tell my tale. McDonalds has placed one of their ubiquitous shops in a strategic location near the school -- halfway between the school and the parking lot, which is about three blocks or so away. I was walking back to the car. It was as though hell froze over. It was that cold. I was hungry -- I might have eaten my cat! I had half a potato before going to class, so I was famished! I was walking past McDonalds, when I saw the people, enjoying their food in a well-lit area, their gay laughters filling the air with a toasty warmth... and that just tipped me over into the realm of insanity.

It has been about a month since I saw Supersize Me. After seeing the film, I was grossed out to no end by fast food. I knew I would eventually eat fastfood sometime or another, but I vowed to refrain from consuming fastfood as much as possible, and stay clear from them at least for a good chunk of time. I mean, that guy (in the documentary) gained a lot of weight and looked like crap at the end! Little did I know that I was about to jump back on the bandwagon.

After I got past the MickeyD's, I was practically drooling. I mean, I was cold and hungry -- how much more pathetic can one get? I jumped in the car, and as my ears and fingers thawed a bit, I decided to get food. Fast food. I knew there wasn't anything warm to eat at home -- everything edible was meant to be consumed cold, or at room temperature. There was no soup or hot, steaming rice. And I wanted something hot and tasty and delicious and greasy and fatty. By this point, I had already crossed over to insanity, so I really can't be held accountable for the crazy things I did!

I didn't want to go to McDonalds -- there was still enough of a stigma left from Supersize Me that I just could not go there. Next best thing -- Jack in the Box. Good old Jack. I zoomed off the freeway and screeched to a maddening halt at the drive-thru speaker box. I ordered myself a #4, which is Jack's Spicy Crispy Sandwich. At least I ordered diet coke.

I snatched the bag from the mustached guy (who looked strangely like Mario from the Super Mario games -- perhaps I was delirious at this point), and before I left the driveway, I already grabbed a fistful of fries and stuffed them in my mouth. My fingers were still apathetic from the cold, and I didn't feel the heat from the fries at all. It was when they hit the roof of my mouth I felt that burning sensation spreading. I quickly washed it down with the icy diet coke, and let out a sigh of relief and pleasure. Mmmmmm... hydrogenated oil....

I got home, and I inhaled the sandwich. The buttermilk sauce was heaven. Divine. After what seemed like just a few seconds, all I was left with, were the wrappers. And a sick conscience. I was having one of those Homer Simpson moment, when he is both pleased and angered -- DOH! Oooohmmmmmm... DOH! Ooooohhmmmmm... The satiety I felt in my stomach was no match for the unpleasantly sick amount of guilt that rested heavily in my mind. All the things I had learned in nutrition class... transfat, hydrogenated oils, cholesterol clogging my arteries, over-production of bile to deal with the amount of fat... about 1000 calories in a matter of minutes... Uuuuuh...

What is done is done. I can't regurgitate this toxic meal I just consumed. Better luck next time. For now, I will resort to doing half an hour of yoga before bed in hopes of compensating for my irresponsible behavior.

A Word of Thanks

2004-11-29T15:39:00.000-08:00

With the splurge of traffic from Blogexplosion, not only did my hits go up, so did my self-esteem! I have to offer a humble word or two of gratitude for all the people who commented on my blog (mostly about design)! I am equally flattered and excited, and I'm even more motivated to keep a good update on my blog, both in layouts as well as in content.

By the way, would anyone like to share their click-rate for their BE banners? I've got two banners on now, and they have a very different rate of clicks! I wonder if it has to do with the attractive/catchiness of the banner, or perhaps it varies between the times that the banner is shown, i.e. Monday vs. Friday and etc. My banner making skills are quite inadequate -- I never made a banner before, and I really haven't found anything inspiring enough. I also found it difficult for me to work within a limited space -- 468 by 60! That's a really small area! But I think my second blog is a GREAT improvement on my first -- first one, where the words, "join my Haemisphere" rotates vertically, was quite sucky. I thought it was great at the beginning, but now that I look at it, it's quite juvenile. But it was a juvenile attempt at a banner, so it's alright.

I am excited by the visibility of my blog. I am still not seeing a lot of people returning to my blog -- it seems that the number of my regular readers have been holding steady. But nevertheless, I am glad that I came across BE.

It has been an extremely busy Monday. But I remembered to bring coffee (we ran out on Saturday!) so life is bearable. Monday is my looooong day, which means I have night class until close to 10PM-ish. Went to bed quite late last night, so I'll be fighting sleep during lecture. It's an exciting class though, but I've gotten a little agressive in the arguments section -- I think I nearly shut down the "Should the 10 commandments be allowed in public buildins" thread. Oh well. I think most of the class is medium-strength Christian (is there such a thing? They're like a medium rare steak kind of Christian), while a select few, including myself, are adament heathens. I mean, I've already been condemned to hell, so that says a lot! I don't really mind though. I know religion is a big topic to get into, and I can't get into that today (it's Mad Mad Monday!), but I'll just say that I'm frequently condemned/banished to hell and given all sorts of yummy cursings. Ok, not frequently -- it's not like I'm the antichrist, but evidently, being a heathen is close enough. Ok, enough Christianity bashing -- the basic rule of thumb is, you don't try to knock down my choice in religion or a my choice to refrain from religion, and I will tolerate yours, whatever it may be. Unless you're some sort of Satan worshipper, because that's just plain bad.

Working the Plug

2004-11-28T16:34:00.000-08:00

One of my blog entries was spotlighted (sort of) at Lablogs.com! It probably isn't my favorite entry, but it seems to be related to the topic, about blogs as histories. I didn't even know! I mean, I suppose I should do more statistical work regarding my blog, but sometimes, it's just too much! But I thank LA Blogs for the additional traffic, and hope that I continue to generate interesting (or semi-interesting at the least) content.

Thank you.

Also, a photo was updated on my Blogger Profile.

Beautiful Sunday Morning .. Er... Noonish

2004-11-28T12:23:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning, I went to pick up the paper, and found that the Newspaper Bandit™ had been at it again! So this morning, despite the fact that it is my only day off from work, and despite the fact that I really needed to catch up on sleep, I had my alarm on at 7AM. This morning, the alarm went off, and I got up to get the paper before the Bandit could have a swipe at it. And I brought the paper back, and crawled back into bed with my cat, and snoozed. Totally snoozed. Until 10:30 AM.

Then I felt so embarrassed, because Tinka sent me an e-mail this morning shortly after 7AM, about my recent Fiercewomen.com submission (by the way, please click to read!). Some people get up at the crack of dawn and do productive things, while I snooze. Wasn't there some sort of corny saying, "you snooze, you lose?"

Anyway, It is the most sunshiny morning ever (well, it is just tad past noon)! My cat is taking advantage of the flood of sunlight on my bed by sunbathing while licking her paws! I'm going to do likewise (sit in the sun, not lick my paws/hands) and absorb some sunshine (get those vitamin D's!) and read my Sunday paper. I've already got my tumbler full of piping hot coffee, all ready to go! I've already broken my fast with leftover turkey that felt like jerkey more than turkey, but oh well (it also didn't help that there was no cranberries to go along with the dry turkey -- I had to resort to drenching it in strawberry jam).

I know I got up late in the morning, but I did go to bed a bit late -- just about 1 AM-ish, finishing up my brother's blog -- a holiday look. I just felt as though I haven't utilized my html skills in a while, and they were probably deteriorating quickly, so as a practice, I made him a Christmas Simpsons themed blog! It's not too pretty, but it's alright. I'm still brainstorming for my own blog re-design -- deadline is end of January 2005, so I've got little over two months. I think just getting the ideas together is the hardest part. Time will tell how it goes. I don't know about moving my blog over to a separate host and domain -- I would need to learn how to use wordpress or MT or EE, and find out how in the world I am going to use FTP. Shieldhost's service sounds adequate the price does seem low enough for me to afford it. I'm guessing about $35 a year, which isn't bad at all. Just the details of things -- I am actually very afraid of acronyms like FTP, MySQL, Perl, XML, stuff like that. I don't even know what half those things are. Ignorance isn't bliss -- it's frightening. But enough ranting for now -- I've got news to read and coupons to clip and sunshine to absorb!

How do you cross your t's?

2004-11-27T20:45:00.000-08:00

I was over at Christopher's blog and found Handwriting Wizard. You basically answer a few questions about your handwriting, and they think they know you well enough to presume a whole truck-load of things about you.

Haemi has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.
Haemi is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.
Haemi is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Haemi basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.
In reference to Haemi's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Haemi slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project. She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Haemi can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.
Haemi is secretive. She has secrets which she does not wish to share with others. She intentionally conceals things about herself. She has a private side that she intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in her past.
Haemi is moderately outgoing. Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes. Haemi will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes she will be happy, the next day she might be sad. She has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because she is in between. Psychology calls Haemi an ambivert. She understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, she will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." She doesn't sway too far one way or the other. When convincing her to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to her. She puts herself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet she will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Haemi is an expressive person. She outwardly shows her emotions. She may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story. Haemi is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. She weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when she finally has to. She basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.
People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Haemi doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

I mean, just look at those O's! Can they be any more secretive?

On the other hand... I had an actual live conversation (on AIM -- as live as it gets!) with Christopher, and here is our analysis on the Handwriting Wizard.

Flor1123*: oh my
Flor1123: that was a good laugh
Flor1123: I'm sure there is plenty of truth value to these things... but it's just so...
Christopher**: a bit in your face?
Flor1123: sitting on a couch infront of Freud!
Christopher: yup
Christopher: I'm looking for handwriting analysis here, not my psychological defencencies!
Flor1123: yep!
Flor1123: I will have to put this in my blog, naturally.
Christopher: naturally
Christopher: share our Freudian dressing down with everyone
Flor1123: yep

*Flor1123 is yours truly.
**Actualy AIM SN withheld to protect the innocent(?). Basically, I just felt like it.

Match Made in Heaven

2004-11-27T18:02:00.000-08:00

I know I have already named my future children but I have yet to have given them middle names. It's gonna be Coltrane. The boys at least. And the girls, probably Ruby, from Thelonious Monk's Ruby, My Dear. I am such a nutcase. I know.

I found the two of the most perfect things. Rain and Jazz. I was driving home, and it was just drizzly enough -- and I was listening to The Best of Miles Davis and John Coltrane and it was juuuuuuust right. Something about the sound of rain and Jazzy tunes made my bones turn into jello and I nearly just went kaput in my car, drifting off... I should have been born a lot earlier -- if not the 20's, then at least the 40's or 50's (the depression wasn't a fun time anyway). What I wouldn't give to hear Coltrane live! I'd be throwing my undergarments at him for sure!

Cheap Hosting

2004-11-26T16:36:00.000-08:00

Mai, over at Create Something Beautiful -- Make Art suggested to me Shieldhost.com as a possible option for hosting. They're cheap, and really cheap. Possibly the cheapest I've seen so far -- 2.99 per month for their most basic service (which is probably all I need) and right now they have a sale for 1.99 per month (which actually comes down to less than $22 per year)! It includes e-mail and no set up fees and unlimited subdomains and etc. etc. etc.! I mean, that's just so cheap! Is it even possible to be so cheap? Is the service any good? I'd also have to get a domain, and that should add about another ten bucks or so. Downside if it is that it is only 400 MB worth of space, and I don't know how that would add up -- 10 GB of bandwidth though. Looks like a lot of math.

I would also need to brush up on how the heck I am going to work the FTP and all, and what blog program I should use, because I know stuff like ExpressionEngine and MT cost mucho dinero. Is it possible to just use hosting and keep using blogger? Would I still need a domain name? How would I go about joining blogger and separate hosting/domain? Argh. My head hurts. Let me go simmer down.

Random Tidbits for Black Friday

2004-11-26T10:52:00.000-08:00

I was browsing Mr. K's "Writing for the Web" and found Readability.info. It gives you basic stats about your writing, and various scores, and was helpful assessing my writing.

I plan to update my blog with a new look sometime in January, to celebrate my second blogaversary (anniversary for a blog!). My first blog post was February 1, 2003, and the first words were: "Testing 1, 2, 3...". I need some sort of inspiration for a theme though. While taking a look at what could be called my portfolio of blog templates(there are two new looks to add to that list!) I am very proud of the fact that I've come so far in my learning html, but I see that while I have grown to a specific taste, I'm not doing well in terms of variety. So where can I get some inspiration? Anyone? And it has to be ultra-special, because it is to commemorate the two years of blogging, and even more years of blogging to come.

I thought about becoming independent -- as far as my blog is concerned. And by independent, I am talking about my own domain and host, so that I can identify better with my URL, and not be subject to Blogger.com(although it's wonderful)'s mishaps. I would also like to get my own hosting, so that I won't have embarrassing situations where images don't show up due to exceeded bandwidths. But then, as I approach closer to nursing school, the notion of a continuous income is getting hazy. I have saved up some money for my personal spendings, like lipstick or shoes, but it's not much, and I have no doubt that I'll have to scrimp and save to stretch those funds over a two year span.

I'll have to cancel my newspaper subscription, and I will not be able to renew my beloved magazine subscriptions, and I will have to discontinue Netflix for sure, and I just don't think I'll have enough funds available to pay for my own hosting and domain, although they probably don't cost too much. So I will stay with the free services of Blogger.com until I am more financially capable. Also, I really can't imagine having to come up with a domain name for myself. It's like picking out your own name! I mean, what would it be?

I suppose naturally, it would be haemisphere.com or haemi.org, but would that be something that I would love for the rest of my life? It's so hard to commit -- and I am a commitment-phobe. I really am. Even as a child, I couldn't commit to putting a sticker on my desk (when you try to remove them they just leave that incorrigible white sticky residue!), so I taped them on. Is it a wonder why I can't even see myself married? I mean, the rest of your life with the same roommate/partner/lover/husband? Just outright crazy! (I'm exaggerating and joking -- don't start worrying!) Anyway, so that's where I stand.

Initially, I was looking to pull some funds so that I can get my own domain and hosting, because about two weeks ago, I wanted to write a celebratory (because one can never celebrate too much or too often or for too many things) post about my 700th blog entry. I mean, 700 blog entries in less than two years! It's worth writing about, definitely! And I saw on my Blogger Dashboard that I have written 689 posts so far. So I was close, and I was watching closely every time I logged in and wrote a post, so that I wouldn't miss the 700th mark. But a day went by and a week went by, and that number didn't change! Today, it still says that I have 689 posts written, although I have probably surpassed 700 a while ago. My Blogger profile, on the other hand, says that I have written 693 posts, but that's also a fixed number that is not changing. So who knows what was my 700th post and when it was written! But I did give Blogger a piece of my mind and requested that something be done, and they are supposed to respond someday... soon. But I've had a good experience communicating with blogger as far as my questions go -- they've responded within 48 hours for every question I have had.

Long story short, I will someday be moving this blog, but not anytime soon. Unless I win the lottery.

Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but I am at work and work doesn't like to do itself, so I'll have to go do it. Yay. Working while the rest of the world is out shopping and having left overs. My life rocks.

Morning After Pill anyone?

2004-11-25T23:57:00.000-08:00

Well, it's not even morning, or even the next day, but I think I speak for many when I say that I am going to need some sort of medication to get me through Turkey Day.

This year, I have surprisingly limited my intake of food. Normally, I just stuff myself silly, but this year, it wasn't very hard to stop eating. Not that the food wasn't great -- the food's always great. But this year, it was just the family, my grandmother, my uncle, aunt, their two kids, my mom, my brother, and myself. No friends of the family or other extended family members. It was quiet, and almost morbid! And everyone was done pretty fast and started clearing, and when everyone's starting to clear the table, you really can't continue eating!

And there's my uncle -- he's a wonderful person, really. He's done so much for me, and I appreciate it whole-heartedly. He was, perhaps, born into the wrong place at the wrong time -- he is a philosopher and an enthusiast of humanities and science, and especially, economics. With the hard economic times, he has always given mini-lectures, if you will, on how to make money, how to keep money, and how to make money work for you, every year. Every year, Thanksgiving and Christmas! And I don't know if it is because my cousins and my brother doesn't understand Korean well enough to follow his lecture series, but I am the only one subject to this mild torture.

I am not really a rebel -- I am a push over, as I've stated numerous times, and I'd rather just sit there and listen until my ears fall off, rather than to make any suggestions about the topic at hand. But about a decade of these lectures, I've had it. A few years ago, I've told my uncle that I plan to move to Africa as soon as I can and devote my life into working for the AIDS/HIV infected population. It probably shocked him a little, because that year I didn't get as long a lecture as I normally do, but my uncle is a resilient man; he found an outlet to reach me. And in the next few family gatherings that followed, he has increased his level of preachings to me.

Tonight was no exception -- just as soon as the food disappeared off the table, he went into lecture mode, and my brother and my cousins went into their room, while I was stuck. In the last few years, a new twist in the lectures had developed, and it was one where my granny would chime in now and then, emphasizing the importance of these real life lessons, and also the urgency in which I need to find myself a husband and get myself married. The lecture momentarily dips into the whole, "Haemi is getting old and she should seriously consider marriage soon" bonanza, then returns to the economical topics again.

I had tried to re-use that same tactic of "I'm moving to Africa" to deter the marriage discussion -- I told everyone that I had no interests in being married or having children. and would feel much better off living single. Of course my grandmother would have none of it. My uncle actually mellowed on that topic though -- tonight, he said that it is ok not to be married, but that I should at least have a boyfriend, because while life without marriage is perfectly acceptable, living life alone has its deficiencies. And that was one thing we managed to agree on. And then the rest of the lecture went back to how economic prosperity and independence is a necessary requirement to freedom, and yada yada yada. It's not that I want to be rude, but most of this is just way over my head. And it really isn't as though I had planned to spend my life working at a fast food joint flipping burgers all my life! Well, that's what my family's like. I know everyone's got some quirky side to their family. Mine's not too embarrassing -- just boring as hell, and each individual is too intelligent and too well-read for their own good! Everybody should just shut up and watch some TV or something. Sheesh.

Since I Don't Have A Real Boyfriend

2004-11-25T22:28:00.000-08:00

I decided to find out who my Anime boyfriend would be. And it also has been some time since I've taken one of these random on-line quizzes!

Who's Your Anime Boyfriend?

It's Haemi Time!

2004-11-25T01:23:00.000-08:00

I can't tell you how good it feels to finally get that extra day. I haven't had a real day off (I only get Sundays off, and even that's spent playing catch-up for school and chores like laundry) since Labor Day. It is so good, and while most people are stressed out about taking care of holiday shopping and cooking that Turkey to golden perfection, I have neither to do. It's like, out of no where, I am given 24 hours of Haemi-time. And just an hour into the holiday, I spent some quality Haemi-time. Although I am sleepy beyond belief!

FierceWomen.com is a website created by Tinka and her cousin, and filled by other fierce women writers -- they started a while back, and I've always been so busy doing something or another that I never got around to doing any writing for it. I always said that I'd do something this weekend or the next, but in truth, I never got much done. It is hard to find time to do something productive that is not required by either school or work at the moment, since those two factors single-handedly dominate my life. For me to do creative work while those two things loom ominously is like trying to not only walk through a foot deep snow, but to do jumping jacks and sing show tunes while making my way! With all my creative energy drained by the mundane daily obstacles of life, all I have left is enough to fill this blog daily. My first attempt at writing my first novel in a month for NaNoWriMo is proof. I just don't have the energy!

Well, shortly after midnight, I sat down and realized that I don't have to get up early at all in the morning (just early enough to get the paper before someone steals it -- oh wait, is there paper on Turkey Day?) and it is a freebie day for me -- 24 hours for me to do whatever I want without worrying about playing catch up. So I did the thing I've procrastinated the longest -- writing my first piece for Fiercewomen.com. I'm not done, of course, but I made so much progress. Enough progress for me to be thrilled. I mean, not the prospect of having my writing be seen on another website besides my blog, but the fact that I actually wrote a piece (well, a portion of a piece) that was not some school or work required writing. A creative piece (although it's not fiction). I think once I get the ball rolling, the words would come easier -- just as I had done for this blog -- I started writing whatever that came to mind, even if it was nonsense, and pretty soon I am pumping out words faster than I can think! So I am so glad -- glad for that cathartic moment. Moment of creativity. A brief moment in time where I became a creator -- I've created. I'm off to bed now -- you can be certain that I'm going to have the sweetest dreams.

Reading Your Inbox for Pleasure?

2004-11-24T15:16:00.000-08:00

Is this even possible? It's like reading a book, but instead of turning the pages, you wait for an e-mail to arrive. This "book" is a mystery in written in the form of an e-mail, and every now and then, you get an e-mail -- it appears like an e-mails that the characters are writing each other and they have sent copies to you. Hmmm... I am skeptical, but intrigued!

Parallelism?

2004-11-24T15:05:00.000-08:00

Came across this blog while surfing through blogexplosion.com. Which had this:

As the dude said, nothing is original. The new Harry Potter DVD (Prisoner of Azkaban) comes out today!

Turkey Eve

2004-11-24T11:22:00.000-08:00

Turkey Lessons!

Well, tomorrow is turkey day, also known as Thanksgiving. I'm all ready to chow down my turkey, although it is uncertain whether turkey would be available this year, seeing that the person cooking is rather busy at the moment, and there is possibly less number of family members gathering this year.

I'm at work now, and it is rather cold, and I was late this morning and didn't have any time to get some socks on (contrary to before, I am frequently wearing socks these days -- long gone are my sockless days!), and my feet are freezing and my fingers feel stiff, i.e. not suitable to type. So I will be back hopefully after I've had some coffee and possibly some lunch, when I have warmed up a bit. Hopefully. Brrrr! (Since the last time it rained, it has just suddenly gotten all winter-y on me -- snow in the mountains and lower temperatures and chillier winds!)

Taking Procrastination to New Heights

2004-11-23T14:06:00.000-08:00

Or, rather, new lows. But first, other minute details of my life.

Someone stole my paper again this morning, and I am NOT happy. NOT HAPPY! YOU HEAR ME NEIGHBOR? It's still STEALING even if it's a paper that costs 50 cents! And stealing is a CRIME! I am thisclose to setting up a hidden camera to catch these thief/thieves in the act. Nobody, and I mean, NOBODY, messes with my reading material.

In other news... I had a very warm and fuzzy feeling today. I went around, blog-hopping (cuz I'm too homely and lazy to bar-hop like normal people), just jumping from blog to blog. Then, I came to my own blog, and you know what? It felt like home. Mmmm.... home. Home sweet home.

And now, the topic at hand: Procrastination. I took procrastination too new heights today -- you can also call it a new low, depending on your perspectives, but since I am a positive person, I guess I'll call it new heights. As though that were a good thing. Yeah.

Well, I had this project for my statistics class. It was assigned about three weeks ago, at the beginning of November. And it's not even a big-time project, that would take hours to do. I had estimated that it should take about 4 hours to complete from beginning to end. Well, I was going to do it and going to do it and going to do it, and finally I was going to do it on Sunday, but I got caught up with the whole philosophy class' online discussion board, so I postponed it to Monday night.

Well, on Sunday night, I went to bed pretty late (3AMish so it would actually be Monday morning) and I was really sleepy and tired. So I gave myself about three hours to complete the project this morning (it was due today, class starts at 10:15AM). So I set the alarm to 5AM and went to bed. Of course I just could NOT get up at that ungodly hour! So I slept through until about 8:30, which means I missed my first morning class, which started at 8:30AM. Not only that, it also left me very little time to get this project completed!

I had to think quick, and the only idea that came to mind was that I work as fast as possible and get to class before it ends, and walk in and hand in the paper as the class leaves. But the class ends at 11:46 AM, so even that was pushing it -- after all, I still would need to brush my teeth, get dressed and etc. It was really pushing it -- I had to do some stuff on Excel, and I just could not recall how to get the graphs right. The damned thing refused to cooperate, and the printer got jammed and the computer froze and everything about Murphy's law went into effect. Then I realized that I needed a project cover folder thingi. So I would need to leave a bit earlier and run to the book store to buy it.

As I skidded down the drive way, I had a thought: what if the book store doesn't sell the folders? Then I said, nah, they probably do, and I don't have time to make a run to Office Depot. And they did. Of course, when I went to pay for the damned thing, I held my wallet upside down with the change pocket unzipped, and all the coins fell onto the ground, scattering everywhere -- and knowing me, you realize that I would never leave the premises without all my money! But alas, they did have the folders, so I was saved. What they didn't have was a hole puncher for the papers! I ran to the school library but they didn't have one either! ARGH! I had to push the papers through the metal prongs, tearing the holes into the paper.

Long story short (might be too late for that, but oh well) I did turn in the paper as everyone else was turning theirs in on their way out, and the instructor was busy answering a question from a student, so I was unnoticed. I flopped the project on the table and made a smooth exit. So I made it, just in the nick of time. And you know, you would think that after all that trouble, I would learn a thing or two about procrastinating beyond my wildest dreams. But NO. Apparently, I am a slow learner, because I have a research paper due in about 4 hours, and here I am blogging! And before I got here to blogging, I had a leisure bagel (what's a leisure bagel?), cleaned my room (as if that couldn't wait), and then went blog-surfing.

Sometimes, I really hate myself.

News that Matter

2004-11-22T22:46:00.000-08:00

Unlike most people who read the paper in the morning as they have breakfast and coffee (can not believe people actually get up that early), I often read the paper after I get home from work or school, which means I get the news after the sun goes down. Of course I get tidbits while browsing on-line during work, but most of the detailed information comes in after dinner-time.

So like many other days, I am just about half way through scanning the paper, at nearly 11PM. Frontpage had a story that was very interesting to me. "Bush Renews Migrant Pledge." President Bush's program to allow illegal immigrants to work legally (issuing a temporary worker visa provided they meet certain conditions, i.e. they have an employer willing to hire them for a job for which they can't get an American). Bush was kinda quiet about this program during the election season -- I thought he might have made more emphasis on the issue to gain Latino votes, but I was wrong -- he didn't want to alienate the GOP. Now that the election has been done with, Bush is pushing his agenda -- more actively pursuing it. The only problem is, the conservative sentiment in this country has been growing and is now the majority. Will Bush be able to convince them to follow his lead?

I know there are many opponents and critics to this plan, which is not an amnesty, but it is still being worked on. And the current immigration situation has got to be resolved -- just by letting these people sit there is not going to make them go away.

I hope to hear good news soon, preferably within the next two to three years -- once Bush leaves office, who knows what the next guy is going to do about it? I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

By the way, President Bush, I doubt you are reading this, but if you are -- I will retract all my Bushland and Jesusland jokes -- just pull through on this one!

Not Ignorant, after all

2004-11-22T14:39:00.000-08:00

Last night, I was called ignorant. You know, I've been in school a long time, and for most of my years in schools, I've had a pretty good track record. So when someone claims that I am ignorant and unaware of the basic concepts of US History, I was naturally flabbergasted. So much, that I spent most of the night and this morning, researching on-line for reputable sources. Either to prove that I am right, or at the very least, show myself where my misunderstanding lies.

Well, I've found so much information supporting my version of history, and I found scant sources supporting the opposite. And those sources were somewhat shady. But the best information came from a fellow classmate, who wrote in a response: "Haemi; Thank you. I wish I had the power to give you extra credit." He also supported the statements with a link, which explains the urban legends regarding the Founding Fathers and the birth of this nation. This is the link that debunks the myth.

It was definitely satisfying to have a classmate chime in on my rebuttal, with a sense of confirmation. In fact, it seems that the supporting evidence used by the OP was one of those eRumors -- things that floated over the internet, drawing a lot of speculation. I am not certain, but it seems that it was written out of fury to the removal of the Ten Commandments from the Alabama court house (was it court house? Some government building for sure). It ends with "How, then, have we gotten to the point that everything we have done for 220 years in this country is now suddenly wrong and unconstitutional? Please forward this to everyone you can. Lets put it around the world and let the world see and remember what this great country was built on." If someone really wanted to get this point of view out, he/she should have at least used proper evidence that were REAL and concrete, not one that is obviously fictional. It was written with intent to astound the reader (I myself, gasped after reading, out of disbelief that the Founding Fathers did/say/believed such things!) and claim a false appeal to authority to bypass the bewilderment in the reader. In other words, just plain bad!

Well, anyways. At least I know where I stand in my US History... (as well as Greek and Roman art!)

UPDATE: The guy who made the original post retracted his post with a blanket apology, "for all the damage" he created. Not a direct apology to me for calling me ignorant, but I'll take what I can get. The not-so-good part of this is that he only did so after the other classmate wrote about that "debunking the myth" thing.

Update: I just got back from class. The guy who posted the original thread apologized to me multiple times. He sounded very sincere. Sincere enough that I feel bad for getting my undies in a knot over this. Maybe I just have to change my own attitude about things -- like believe in people and believe that they are innocent until absolutely proven otherwise and even then leave room for the benefit of the doubt. I just gotta stop thinking that everyone is evil except me! Yes, I admit that I have some fault in this. But I am glad to see that as college students, we have all come to a nice agreement about the way we behaved and made the necessary adjustments in attitudes accordingly.

I am not Ignorant

2004-11-22T01:38:00.000-08:00

I just logged onto the school's on-line thing. Some of the classes are online, and some are partially online, like my philosophy class. It's a class on logics. We have to make arguments for or against a topic. And in regards to one topic (I won't get into details here, although I believe I'm in the right), a classmate called me "ignorant." In regards to this topic, I wrote in a response, that "from all my years taking US History, I had not heard this." And he wrote, "Even those that have ¡°taken years in U.S. History and have not yet once heard that our country was founded on the Ten Commandments¡± really show how ignorant they are, and yet demand to have a strong dichotomy between politics and religion." Obviously, he is preaching against separation of government and religion. I'm not just picking things out of context, out of thin air to get mad over. He quoted me and referred me as being ignorant! First of all, there is no way to validate those words. Whether he's right or I'm right has no say -- you just don't attack the person when refuting an argument. This is a class -- not live politics where you get the fling mud at each other! There is no excuse for calling a classmate ignorant. Secondly, he ended the statement with, "Some of us believe in God and we welcome his blessings in our lives and in our government. We want to have an after life. We want to go to heaven. But to those who just disagree with me, well, you can just go to hell." There's logic for ya! I, as an atheist, of course don't believe in the eternally burning firepits of hell. However, I am familiar with the implications of wishing one goes to hell, and I am offended by that. And I made it clear in my response to his so-called argument.

"Even those that have ¡°taken years in U.S. History and have not yet once heard that our country was founded on the Ten Commandments¡± really show how ignorant they are." By the way, I totally appreciate that comment. Just by the simple act of calling me ignorant, you have lost all credibility to me. Of course, that probably doesn't matter to you, as you have already condemned me to the abyss of hell."

Of course that is just an excerpt of a really long posting, but that's how it went. Maybe I was just too harsh. After all, it was evident that he was writing in the heat of passion, and you are liable to say stuff like that when you're engulfed in flames of passion... or flames of hell, whatever.

Basically, I was offended by the attack, because I am very sensitive to things like that. I often go out of my way so that I don't offend people. I never attack people directly, unless they're a big time celebrity who will never hear what I say! So when someone takes a direct punch at me, I lose all my sense of rationality. Usually, I start crying. I know that doesn't help at all, but I don't know what it is, but it makes me cry. It makes my heart beat double-time and makes me very mad and sad at the same time. And also a bit scared. Yep. I said it. I get scared when people make remarks against me! Perhaps it's because I never really learned to stand up for myself (I know my readers won't think that, but I have only begun to stand up for myself in writing -- in real life, I'm still a pushover, but hey, I'm working on it).

Well, what's done is done and what's said has already been said. Even if he were to apologize (which I doubt he will from what he stated) it wouldn't take back the air of negativity blown my way. But let this be a lesson to all of y'all reading! Calling names to people is OK on your personal blog, which only a few people read! Calling names to your colleague or a classmate is inappropriate, especially in an academic setting.

What a way to start a Monday! Humph.

How, exactly, do you measure a man?

2004-11-21T22:35:00.000-08:00

The title was not intended to get a truckload of off-color comments, but a reference to Clay Aiken, my favorite American Idol so far. They are doing a AI Christmas, and the winners from past Ai will perform, which means, Kelly, Ruben, and Fantasia. And. Not. Clay. Now, I've kept mum during the entire length of all AI seasons, and for a good reason. Too many teeny bopper bloggers out there are blogging about it already, and I didn't even watch it through the whole season. As a reality show, it reeked! I do watch the final few episodes though, and during the second season, I really wanted Clay Aiken to win. I mean, isn't he just a total sweetie?

Clay Aiken is a fantastic singer. He's a college graduate, and he has a reputation of being extremely genuine and sincere and kind, as well as humble. (Not that I know him personally!) He majored in special education -- he wants to work with kids with autism and other challenges. He started an organization for autistic kids. He plans on going to graduate school. And he's very cute in a skinny-nerd-without-glasses kind of way.

I know it's too late to gripe about Ruben, but I don't like him at all. There's that whole scandal way back about his getting paid to wear some sort of logo advertising something or another, and I read an interview in a magazine (not a shady source, but a well-reputed source) and he came off as extremely haughty. Would it be too mean if I called him a too fat of a tub-o-lard who won by affirmative action? Just kidding. Of course AI isn't run by affirmative action or anything. He's an alright singer -- I just think Clay has more talent, as well as better attitude and intelligence (speaks lovely English with a slight air of a charming Southern accent).

But it brings me to the question regarding a title from Clay's CD: Measure of a Man.

Why do you ask him move heaven and earth
To prove his love has worth
Would he walk on water
Would he run through fire
Would he stand before you
When it's down to the wire
Would he give his life up
To be all he can
Is that, is that, is that
How you measure a man

Maybe love is this magical thing that we are just not meant to understand. Maybe true love is a preternatural thing, out of our boundaries. Something not empirical, something that just can't be measured. Despite the advancement of technology and whatnot, there are many people out there who believe in love at first sight. Or soulmates, for that matter.

Believing in a soulmate for me is like believing in a god. I just can't bring myself to believe in something without logical evidence. Of course there are things that I just don't have the data to prove something, and it bothers me to no end. But I just don't want to complicate my life by putting extra effort into believing something which, in my heart, I completely know as non-existant! But maybe I should change my way of approaching this thing. Maybe, instead of trying to believe, I should hope.

The English Drink Tea

2004-11-21T14:07:00.000-08:00

Do they? Do the English drink tea instead of coffee (or at least prefer it over coffee)? I am a resolute coffee drinker, but I love a variety of teas. Currently, I already had my morning coffee, so I'm drinking English tea, with non-dairy cream and a teaspoon of honey. Yum. It looks like coffee, but it's so much milder and softer. I'm sure it probably has the same amout of caffeine, but it makes me feel more relaxed. Which doesn't make sense. Just about three hours ago, I had coffee to wake myself up, and now I'm having tea to get relaxed. Counter-productive? I am reminded of the Simpsons episode when Homer purchases a second hand ambulance and decides to become a paramedic. He shows his children morphine syringes and the Defibrillator claiming that one makes him relax and the other one keeps him awake.

On Friday, as I was driving to work, I saw a sign. Well, ok, not a sign. It was a license plate on a car driving ahead of me, and I always read those things for some reason. This particular plate read, "(Insert symbol for heart here)Suprem." To other people, it may mean something else, but to Coltrane fans, it can only mean one thing! Then I saw the license plate holder, which read, something like, "A Love Supreme, Listen to John Coltrane!" If I wasn't late for work, I would have flagged down the guy driving! Maybe I lost my soul mate, who knows. (Drama queen acting up again)

Updates

2004-11-21T13:37:00.000-08:00

My Archives/100 Things page has been updated (slightly). Link is in the left column.

I am my Old Self Again!

2004-11-21T11:19:00.000-08:00

**Just as a quick note: I did blog yesterday. Twice, in fact -- one in the early afternoon and one in the evening, about 12 hours ago. Both posts were lost in publishing. It would be the first time I failed to post a blog entry since October 17th. But I did blog -- it's just lost somewhere in cyberspace. Please, if you find my blog entry somewhere, please tell it to come back home. Thank you.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Back in the days, when I first got the internet, I used AOL. I used AOL for a long time, probably about 6 years or so. And during that time, I maintained one screenname, one ID, one e-mail address, one identity. I think most of my friends had to notify me every few months or so that they changed their identity to reflect the newest pop starlet's name or song or whatever, but I stayed resolute. I don't know if I just really liked my SN, or I just grew attached to it, but I just loved it.

Flor1123. That was what it was. Some people even preferred to just call me Flor because of my on-line presence as Flor1123. It was a name, unique to me. It wasn't like the plethora of other names, like QTgurl4ever or Ultim8qtness. It was timeless. It was perfect. It was me.

Then, about two years ago, I had to switch to DSL. It was only natural. I could no longer wait until someone's phonecall was finished to sign on -- I could no longer risk getting disconnected because someone called. I could no longer wait until my brother was done to get online. Then it struck me, that it wouldn't be in line with my frugal nature to pay for both DSL AND AOL. I could have gotten Hi-speed AOL, but my brother voted against it. So I had to wean myself off of AOL and search for another e-mail address. At first, the idea of using a "free" e-mail account was just so weird. I've always used AOL e-mail, and it worked great. By then, a separate program for AIM was already launched, so I didn't have to log into AOL to use IM. But it still took me months to get myself off of AOL. I think sometimes, I still miss the "You got mail" greeting I get from all the SPAM in the mailbox.

I cancelled AOL. It was horrible. It was like leaving a fraternity of some sort. No more, were the chatrooms and the chiming "You got mail!" But I was prepared for all of that. I had a new e-mail address at Yahoo!, and I told everyone that my address had changed. However, there was one minute detail that I was not prepared for.

I logged into AIM, with my old SN, and found myself staring at an error message. "Cancelled account." I tried, over and over again to log in, but only with the same answer. Immediately, I jumped onto the AIM webpage and searched for the answer to my problem. The answer I found, made me curl up in the fetal position and cry like there's no tomorrow. (Note: exaggeration -- my attempts to be a drama queen) It was originally an AOL SN, so when I cancelled AOL, the SN would be lost forever. I asked when I can use it again? Perhaps they do it like phone numbers, where they put it in some special recycling bin for a month or three before releasing it into the wild again. They gave me no specific time frame. If anything, their FAQ section seem to hint that it would be gone forever in the abyss of cancelled SN's!

Fast forward two years later: this morning, I signed into AIM. With the supposedly "temporary" screen name I created two years ago. And I found myself hating it. It wasn't me. Yuck. And out of the blue, I got a whim to try to log in with my old screen name. Just a try. It couldn't hurt to try! And I did. Of course I remember the password. And lo and behold, I successfully logged in. I had tried, periodically, every six months or so to log in to my old SN just to see if it would work, and it was the first time it did. I was so in shock, that I IM'ed myself! And it works! Yay!

So I got myself a celebratory mug of coffee and here I am. So my old and new screenname for AIM is: flor1123.

Current music: Norah Jones, Feels Like home -- how appropriate.

Frugal Gal Gives Money

2004-11-19T23:33:00.000-08:00

I had a thought. It is really time for me to do something else besides worrying about my own ass and playing around with the iPod. I've grown to be a more and more concerned citizen and I want to be more active about the causes I care about. I think it's too soon for me to go out and start campaigning or anything, but I need to start taking steps. Eventually, when I have a better footing on my life, I'll be a bigger contributor. But for now, I have decided to become a card-carrying member of the ACLU.

I got all this info about them from my sociology instructor from a few semesters ago -- the same one who planted the idea that marriage is an option not a must (she also embedded some anti-men/anti-marriage sentiments, but that's another story). Just about a year or two ago, I was living inside a tiny box, and sometimes people like that affect me in a way so that my box just becomes slightly larger. Can you believe that until just a year or so ago, I never viewed marriage as an option? I mean, logically, I might have deduced so, but subconsciously, I think it was pretty much set in stone that I'd be condemned to eternal and barren spinsterhood if I am not married before I hit 30. Anyways.

I realized, that a lot of the opinions I had about controversial issues, i.e. abortion and the death penalty, were made under false assumptions and ignorance. I simply did not know enough about them to make an opinion either way and was declaring my opinions openly about them. Now I know better -- I know that there is no shame in saying that I haven't decided either way either because of lack of information or because I just can't come down to a decision one way over the other. But I think that was the time when I started making my way toward the left. And to think, I may still be rooting for Jesusland! (Just joking there!)

Well, although a woman is entitled to change her mind, certain bits of opinions that I currently have are pretty permanent (at least for now, if that's possible), and I agree with most of the ACLU's statements, including reproductive rights and gay and lesbian rights (to marriage) and death penalty, and of course, immigration, and other things too. I'm kinda iffy on the affirmative action situation (and to argue either way about it seems like beating a dead horse), but otherwise, I like what the ACLU stands for. Civil liberties and human rights.

It is actually my ultimate dream to work for these organizations. Something along the lines of Amnesty International, Red Cross, UNICEF, Medecins Sans Frontieres, WHO, etc. I don't think I'll be the next Mother Teresa (I can't even imagine being so selfless), but I really want to give my life (a part of it!) to humanitarian efforts. That's because love can heal the world and make it a better place like that Michael Jackson song. And it makes me so goddamn angry to see that some people on this planet are going without the basic necessities of life -- food, shelter, clean water, adequate health care, to name a few. Ok. It would be nice if everyone on earth can have their own iPods (that would instantly bring world peace, I know!), but honestly, so many people die or get permanent damage/scarring (loss of limbs, loss of vision, etc) for things that can be so easily repaired. It's like seeing people junking their cars because they can't get oil changes or fill it with gas. I mean, malaria? Even something as serious as HIV -- in the US, you can still be expected to lead a full life, but in Africa and much of India and South Asia and rural China, it's a guaranteed death sentence. In the US, there is no such things as a vitamin deficiency (except in rare cases with bullimics and such), and yet, 40% of the world population suffers from anemia and half a gazillion (ok, so I don't know the statistics to everything) children get xeropthalmia (blindness caused by vitamin A deficiency) around the world -- because they are starving. And something like that is irreversible.

I know I just sounded as though I can take on the world's most serious problems. And I know I'm just one tiny person. But there are a lot of people already working on the various problems, and I just think there is a place there for me to do my share. It isn't to say that everyone should pack up their bags and move to the African continent to feed the disease-ravaged villages. But just be aware. You know, it would be an excellent idea to have some kind of program for high school/college kids to go abroad and do humanitarian work, kind of like Peace Corps (which I always read as "peace corpse" until someone reminded me that a corpse is a dead body and the "p" is supposed to be silent) but more approachable. I think it would change the attitude of a lot of young people who are misguided these days -- giving them a whole new perspective would have a refreshing effect. And it would definitely be different from volunteering at the local hostpical doing paper-filing to beef up their college applications.

Oh boy. I can never stay on topic, can I? Well, I didn't digress too badly, and I still remained within the vicinity of the topic I started, so a job well done, eh? It's going to be nighty night for me now.

Also, if anyone has any sort of ideas as to how I can get more bandwidth to host images and other files? I'm currently using ripway (it's free) but with the increasing bursts of traffic due to blogexplosion.com, the images frequently don't show up because I'm running out of the amount of bandwidth given! I'm already paying $5 to villagephotos.com to host the images for the blog template to work, but I'm getting a feeling that I'll need something bigger and better. I'd appreciate any advice! (By the way, moving to typepad would not be an option -- I might have donated some money to the ACLU, but that doesn't mean that my frugal nature melted away!)

Is there an answer to this?

2004-11-19T17:03:00.000-08:00

Read this -- click on "Bush Pushes Massive Amnesty Proposal".

Bush Pushes Massive Amnesty Proposal
Bush Offers Amnesty/Social Security to Illegal Aliens
Dear Concerned Citizens
The election is over. The President has declared that the election shows the American people approve of his plans for America. And he has wasted no time in sending his entire Cabinet down to Mexico to negotiate the next amnesty for millions of illegal aliens living in our country.
Whether or not you voted for President Bush, I am sure that you oppose a huge amnesty for 8-10 million illegal aliens. I am also sure that you oppose such an amnesty whether it is called an amnesty or an AgJobs bill or a Temporary Workers bill. It's all the same. It's a huge massive AMNESTY and Americans don't want it.

As you may all know, issues regarding immigration hits me right where it hurts. The things is, I am an immigrant (or wannabe immigrant, alien, take your pick). Technically, yes. I am a person who is a non-immigrant alien (let's not get into the legality of these terms -- I just hate being referred to as an "alien" and do not wish to get into all that) because I do not have US citizenship and I also do not have a permanent residency, aka the green card (which is now pink). But also, I have lived in the US long enough to have American blood flowing through my veins. While I feel extremely sympathetic to the illegal aliens, I also understand where the citizens are coming from in their opposing sentiments.

Schwarzenegger has recently denied illegal aliens from applying for a California driver's license/ID. That really gets my blood boiling, because my brother, who has all his papers in order and is completely legal and approved and everything, has yet to get his driver's license because of this. It's been a year since he's passed his driver's test, and he's still driving with a temporary. Furthermore, the DMV has sent a letter saying that proof of legal residence must be supplied to the DMV (which he did last year, and all his papers were complete) AND if a year has passed since he applied originally, he needs to pay another fee to start the process all over again.

OK. So let me see. Oh goody. We did everything the way we were supposed to, and submitted proofs and immigration papers and passports and whatnot, and all of a sudden, we are asked to submit everything again, AND pay some more money.

You see, it is one thing not to grant illegal aliens legal residency -- that much, I understand. But by denying ID's and driver's licenses, and putting other laws in place (some states have a law where hospital/health professionals in a public hospital must report if an undocumented/illegal alien comes to receive treatment), you are crossing the line between protecting Americans and violating common human rights. Why go overseas and invest billions of dollars to bring freedom and democracy to the Iraqis, when you've got plenty of people already on your land suffering from lack of freedom and getting their rights violated?

I know many ignorant fools who prefer to just scream loudly, "GO BACK TO YOUR OWN COUNTRY!" or "GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM!" As though screaming that loudly would block all the problems from gaining visibility. You know, the truth of the matter is, to a lot of these people, including myself, we are home. We can't go back to where we came from, because we are already at where we're from. We're from California. California is all I've known as a home. And some people may say, "well, go back to wherever it is you are a citizen of." I have no home to go back to. Same goes for many. All their families are here, and they have nothing to return to, be it Mexico or Guatemala or Korea. Isn't it just a tad bit cruel to force us to return home when we don't have a home to go to or a job to go to? A lot of people cross the border to escape. Escape poverty. Escape being stuck in poverty. Escape from the restrictions of their society. Because things are better here. Because everybody should be granted the right to pursue happiness and the right to have a better life. Isn't that what America is all about?

Well, I can just go on and on about this, but it saddens me that Americans, most of whom are immigrants or descendants of immigrants, are against other immigrants. Don't you remember the hardships that you faced when you first came to this country? Haven't you heard of the great difficulties of your parents and grandparents when they tried to settle in to this country, so that you can have a home to love? (Sigh) I don't care Bush or Kerry, just do something right about this situation. It breaks my heart everytime I come across these things on the internet.

Also read: The Rights of Immigrants -ACLU Position Paper

Enough with the Insanity

2004-11-19T10:39:00.000-08:00

Ok. So yesterday I went a bit overboard with the whole iPod business. I promise to keep it a bit more sane now. It's still lovely and the novelty hasn't worn off (don't know if it would ever!) but enough is enough, right?

It's TGIF finally! I've got a lot to do this weekend, such as projects and research papers (all of which I've procrastinated until the last minute, as always). It is odd that these things are due before Thanksgiving, because wouldn't it be perfect for students to take care of these major projects over the long weekend? I suppose it would be convenient for instructors as well to grade these things over the ample weekend.

Although I have described in detail (as much details as one could have in a blog entry), although it seems I have alienated approximately 75% of all male specimens (according to Christopher over at Californian Sojourn), it really doesn't mean anything. Chris asked if it has been "raining men" but in all frankness, it's not even sprinkling men. It's a full-blown, severe drought, one that is definitely not seasonal.

I have given up online dating. I mean, I ask myself, "why?" It was the severest form of cruelty I applied on myself. Certainly, it gave me much to blog about, but that's not necessarily a good thing. I've met some interesting people, a few worthy of keeping touch, and a handful who I really want to club -- not club as in going dancing, but club as in "carry a big stick." Of course most were innocuous, but still. It has contributed to my diminishing faith in dating ever again. Some people think that I have very high standards or that I'm just picky -- but I assure you, I am not with the problem. I swear! Sure I can go nutty sometimes, but normally I'm not so crazy. Not crazy I tell you! In denial, perhaps, but crazy, no!

Hooked on the iPod but...

2004-11-18T23:43:00.000-08:00

I was practically joined at the hip with my iPod. We truly bonded this afternoon, but then I realized, I have to get back to the real world and take an exam in nutrition. Exam on the wholesome goodness of vitamins and minerals -- we're covering weight loss in the next two weeks, so those of you with questions, you know where to direct them!

I longed to get back to the iPod after the exam, but then I realized that I had to have dinner, and I absolutely have to watch ER, as it is one of the few remaining television shows I watch nowadays. So I watched ER, and now I'm back with the 'pod. Is it too soon to refer to my iPod as the 'pod?. Currently listening to... Coldplay's album titled "Parachutes."

Transferring my music files to my iPod made me realize something. I have an eclectic taste in music. And it's just totally unexpected. I don't know if everyone's music files are as oddly diverse. I have things that are just the cheesiest K-pop and things like Coldplay, Modest Mouse, Chopin, Josh Groban, Thelonious Monk, Yo Yo Ma, Enya, George Michael, U2, Britney Spears, Eminem, Ludicrous (I know it's spelled differently but I just prefer to spell it correctly!), Pink, Love Story sound track, Les Miserables sound track, Craig David, Clay Aiken, Elvis Presley, Eric Satie, Gabriel Faure, and more. Ok. One thing I don't have much of is country. And perhaps punk and heavy metal. But I make up for those with classical baroque!

Well, better get to sleep now. Looks like I'm not going to have a problem getting off the computer tonight -- it's just going to be hard to turn the iPod off!

Life in the iPod

2004-11-18T16:44:00.000-08:00

Here's my new baby:

The left is the giantic box the UPS guy handed to me. I expected it to be heavy, but it was surprisingly light. Of course, it was half empty. The UPS guy buzzed in at about 2:15PM-ish. I could have and would have just dived into the box with a paper-cutting knife and rip that box apart, but instead, I took the civilized route, of carefully extracting the iPod from the humongous box, and taking photographic records in detail of each step.

This, on the right, is of course the second box. Looks like the outer box, only smaller and more cube-ish. Looks like somebody had shipped this to Amazon.com and Amazon.com shipped it to me directly. Very compact. Shook the box and nothing rattled, allowing me to assume that there was another box, leaving no space for rattling.

Now, this is the actual iPod box, or at least the top of it, as revealed by opening the top of the aforementioned second box. You can see the Apple trade mark of the white apple with a bite taken out of it. It's an ingenious symbol actually. The designers at Apple are a bunch of hellishly sexy people, I tell you. They know sexy. I mean, it's difficult to make electronic equipment like cameras and computers sexy, but somehow, Apple shocks the world over and over again with their ultra attractive features. Amazing people. Amazing.

This is the iPod box, removed from the brown box. I mean, how great can this be? Even the box is cute! The box is adorable, and it's not one of those open from the top boxes -- no. These people even have to make the box ultra sleek and hot. Did I just call a box, hot? Yes. Hot box it is.

Here is the iPod box without the sleeve. You can see that the decorative sleeve was colorful, and there is a stark contrast, as the actual box itself is just monochrome. There's the best of both worlds -- punchy colors and classic black and white. I can just spend days gazing at the box! Am I going crazy yet? The First Song ever to be played on my iPod is... "Snow Frolic" from the Love Story sound track, which is also my ringtone at the moment (it is the background music I would want if my life were a movie and I was in a romantic relationship). I haven't unplugged my ears since plugging the headphones in. I don't know if I ever want to take them out!

This is the view after the box was split in half. The iPod box, unlike most conventional boxes, do not open with a little lid flap. It splits open in half, revealing two compartments. One side holds the iPod and the charger, and the other side contains the manuals and the various cords -- firewire, USB, headphones, as well as the CD.

Ladies and gentlemen. You have waited an excruciatingly long time for this. Please have the pleasure of meeting my new, ultra cute, ultra ultra fabulous, 4G iPod. (Swoon~)

Woohoo~!

2004-11-18T15:37:00.000-08:00

Christmas came a little earlier this year with the arrival of my new iPod. I've actually gotten so excited that I took photos while unveiling the gem from the brown box from Amazon. The box was surprisingly light, but huge. I could fit in both my VCR and my DVD player inside it! Then I opened it to find another, smaller brown box inside it, surrounded by plastic balloon things (I suppose these are more eco-efficient than styrofoam packing peanuts). Then I opened the smaller box to find the colorfully decorated box of the iPod. I took a lot of caution and slowly extracted the box within the box.

First impression? I was amazed by its size. IT'S SO FREAKIN SMALL! I don't know if I had been looking at the previous generations of the iPods, but this one is definitely smaller than the one I saw at the iPod/Apple store. I don't know, perhaps the large box it came in screwed my ability to have clear perceptions. Ooooooh, and the chrome back! So shiny! It was covered in plastic film, and I was even sorry to peel it off. So precious. Could reaching nirvana be more exhiliarating than opening a new box of an iPod? I don't think so! Well, photos will come soon enough (currently I am using my only available USB port to upload some music to test the iPod for its first run, and can't plug in my camera at the moment.) But photos will follow soon. I promise. I know y'all are just rolling your eyes, saying, "not another post about the iPod" but this is just the first of many! I would kiss the perfect little thing if I didn't have lipstick on. Yep. That's how brilliant and fantastic it is. It's just fabulous. FABULOUS.

Nothing can Justify This, NOTHING!

2004-11-18T09:57:00.000-08:00

I got this link (Fallujapictures.blogspot.com) from Mr. Crawford Kilian's Writing for the Web. It's really gruesome and heartbreaking.

I know it's a pretty much universal truth that Saddam was not a nice guy. He probably will not go down in history as a benevolent dictator, I'm sure. But sometimes I wonder: are they better off now? Maybe everything will be better off 10 years from now when all the fighting has ceased, but the damage would already have been done. The children who lost limbs during this bloody attack -- what would they say 10 years from now when they are adults? What about the families of the US soldiers who lost lives? It is not to say that they died in vain for a worthless cause. I just don't understand what the US is doing over there. Even a loss of one life is just so precious -- can you imagine all these people, who were alive and perfectly healthy and well -- now they lie still, covered in blood and dirt, just waiting to be buried.

Banner

2004-11-17T23:57:00.000-08:00

I needed a banner for blogexplosion.com and I wanted one that was animated. I never knew how to create a gif file, and this would be my first attempt. Not bad, eh? It's not beautiful, but it works.

Japan Expo 2004

2004-11-17T23:35:00.000-08:00

I know it's kind of late. But I have two tickets for the Japan Expo 2004. The event is on Thanks Giving weekend, and I believe it is in downtown Los Angeles. I believe you can go either Saturday or Sunday. I don't know much about the event, but there's a bit of info on the webpage. E-mail me and I can mail it to someone. I know I should have sold it on eBay (shucks) but I completely forgot. Let me know soon people.

My Type of Guy

2004-11-17T21:34:00.000-08:00

Tinka asked me: "What kind of boyfriend do you want? I know a couple single guys that live in the L.A. area. I just don't know what's your type."

Initially, I was speechless. What is my type? What kind of boyfriend do I want? Then the answer came quickly like a flood, rushing in: I want a perfect one! Then reality settled in. "Haemi, that's not going to be too likely. Is your head screwed on tight this morning?" I asked myself.

Of course, y'all know that I kinda sorta attempted to discuss this very topic a while back. That blog entry can be found HERE. I couldn't find anything conclusive from the discussed points, so this became my conclusion for the time being.

Nearly a year later, I feel that I am ready to tackle this issue again. I think I'll need to eventually find a solution for myself in this regards so that I can weed out the non-qualifying participants out of the race immediately without spending too much time on them and losing focus on the goal. You've got to be goal-oriented about something like this.

So what do I look for in a man? Let's start with the superficial. You've got to look like an average person. You know, I used to plea to the almighty about this. Please god, just please let me meet a guy who's just normal, that's all I ask! Alas, the almighty failed to provide, but it's not like I believed in a higher being, so I considered the whole episode null and void. But really. Superficially, my "type" of guy should be average. Not too hot, not too Shrek-like. Also, he should dress well, or at the very least, appropriately. That means NO RED PAISLEY PANTS! In all seriousness, sometimes the clothes do make the man. I don't expect to be dating a man decked out in Armani or Prada, although there's nothing wrong with Couture, but if you're wearing black trousers that are a tad too short (some may call'em high-water), and they reveal the color of your socks (black slacks and white athletic socks or socks of any bold color, i.e. red, periwinkle are not appropriate), I'll have to report you to the fashion police! I'll never be caught wearing Juicy sweats with words written across the ass-covering portion, or any sort of dress with double-sided tapes. I'm not going to quiz a guy on the details of the newest trends in fashion, but dressing appropriately is almost as important as refraining from passing gas in public! So a guy who recognizes appropriate attires is a major plus.

As I was saying, average. Not really average height (the average height of males in the US is 5'9"!) but I suppose averagely tall, if that makes any sense. Anywhere from 5'10" to 6'4" sounds alright. I'm 5'6" and I love to wear heels, which sometimes makes me a towering 5'9", but at the very least, a 5'8". I like men with hair on their heads. Not a fan of bald men, even if it was intentionally done. It's okay if a guy has short hair, brown hair, black hair, red hair, blonde hair, but if it's longer than my hair, I'd cringe a little. Not a fan of 'fros or that upside down bowl-like hair cut (see right) nor am I willing to date anyone who's greying. Also, no albinos. I would feel as though I were dating Silas, from The Da Vinci Code. So no albinos and no greying hairs and no baldies. I know love crosses all boundaries and whatnot, but I honestly think I should date someone closer to my own age -- so plus points if you're under 40! Yay!

Well, I should be a little bit more clear about the age thing. I don't think I can handle men who are too old or two young. Broadly speaking, perhaps about 23 to 33 years of age sounds about good. But that really depends on the guy -- a mature 23 year old is much better than a spoiled and childish 30 year old, and believe me they exist! So age is another thing I look at with much scrutiny.

Weight. I know this is a very sensitive issue in this politically correct society, but I have to address it. I am unwilling to date someone who is obese. This is not to say that I am judgemental -- I know how tough it is to be "fat" and rough it in the world. I know how difficult it is to control weight. But I don't think I have enough strength, patience, or love in my heart to embrace a person with a disease. And yes, obesity is a disease. Being obese means you're not healthy -- it means more to me than "he's fat." Obesity screams out to me that this man is possible of a plethora of other diseases and conditions: heart disease, diabetes, hypertention, just to name a few. As a person who's about to plunge into a health-related profession, I don't think I can handle those implications. A few extra pounds, I don't mind, and in fact, I encourage (although I guess one can argue how much exactly, is a "few" extra pounds) it. Hate to see a twiggy skinny guy. Rule of thumb, if I can beat the living daylights out of you, then I don't think I should date you (not that I resort to violence or anything!). Being muscularly developed is alright, but if you're buffer than Ah-nold, I'd have to think twice. If your biceps are larger than my head, it really doesn't qualify in my definition of average. Anywhere from 170-200 lbs, depending on height, sounds about right to me, although I don't go out and measure men's weights before committing to a date. Look healthy. Be healthy. Healthy is good.

Speaking of diseases. I am also not willing to date people who are terminally ill. Yes, that's cold, I know. But look! I haven't really dated in a long time, and I'd hate to see that my first boyfriend in three years is going to die in the middle of the relationship! So if the doctor gave you a sentence, telling you that you have three months to live, no. Sorry. I want a living body, dammit. I know y'all think that I am so weird to be obsessing over these minute details. But it used to be that I would tell my girlfriends that any guy who's nice and funny is A-OK. Then I had a string of men who were really extraordinary, special even, and by special I mean special as in people who have to wear a helmet at all times to prevent them from hurting themselves. Then this guy had the biggest crush on me and he was about 5'3" and he had no neck. "No neck?" you ask. "Waddaya mean, no neck?" Well, I'll tell you. He was short and stout, much like a tea pot. He was extremely overweight, possibly obese. His chin and cheeks seem to smoothly morph into his shoulders, causing him to look like he lacked a neck. He shall forever be remembered as the guy with no neck to me. So please. Be free of diseases, and please have a distinct body parts. If I can't tell where your chin ends and your torso begins, it is not a good sign. Please see a health professional.

Let's move away from the superficial things, as I am beginning to sound strangely insensitive.

Personality. The most important thing would be that he has a sense of humor. He doesn't have to be Jim Carrey. He has to like "The Simpsons." He has to know when to be light-hearted and when to be serious. He also has to be tolerant. Please, if you're a member of the KKK or the Skinheads, you need not apply. I know everyone's got their share of prejudice in their hearts. I know I've got mine. But it is important that you recognize that it is a fault and you have to strive to fix it. But no blatantly open racists and haters and misogynists. If you have participated in a hate crime of any kind, NO, NO, and NO.

Intelligence. The more intelligent, the better. Someone I can learn things from. It doesn't matter if he has a Ph.D. in rocket science or he just solves crossword puzzles in pen. He's got to be intelligent, but not be snooty about it. None of that "I'm better than you" attitude. I know I'm a snob already, so I know what it's about. If you know you're a snob, fix it. I secretly think that I am better than some people, and it's just so wrong. I know. I try to be humble at all times and think of the embarrassing situations I've faced because I were a snob. So at least I try. The guy's also have to know what's going on in the world. I'm not expecting any political science majors, but he's got to know that Arafat is dead and Saddam has been caught and Rummy has resigned and Condie will take over and he's also got to know some history, like who was the female vice presidential candidate in the '84 election.

Animal lovers. He doesn't have to love insects, and actually, I'd prefer that he didn't harbor any insects, pseudopods, arachnids, centipedes or other multi-legged (more than four) creatures in his home. But he has to like animals. He has to at least like dogs and cats and other furry creatures. He has to be humane to animals, which means no kicking dogs in the stomach because he's angry. Also, he has to love the environment. It's ok if he's not a tree-hugger or drives a Prius. But he shouldn't throw garbage out the window while he's driving. Biggest turn off ever. EVER. E V E R!

Also, I'd prefer men who don't smoke, and I'd also prefer men who like to drink. Not excessively, of course (alcoholism is a disease!), but a man who wants to share a bottle of wine now and then. Believe it or not, some men find it wasteful to have a bottle of wine with dinner at a restaurant. Granted, it's not something I'd do on a daily basis, as I am all for frugality (I am queen of being frugal!), but on a special occasion, a bottle of wine is nice. Beer's good. A midori sour's very nice. What was I talking about again? Oh yes. Men. So if you're going to pass out after a bottle of beer and I have to carry you home because you're wasted, that's a bad sign. Men who can hold their liquor. But don't worry. I won't hold beer chugging contests or anything (ugh, I have incriminating photos of me, with the end of a beer bong in my mouth, so I know what it feels like to be doing something crazy, and have it captured in film!).

Education. Education is extremely important. I'd prefer either a college graduate, or someone who is working on getting there. Someone who studies. Someone who knows the symbol for integration, and someone who knows a line or two of Shakespeare (they're all cliches, so you must remember at least a couple! "Once more to the breach..." "Friends, Romans, Countrymen..." "Et tu, Brute?" "Oh Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo" "Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this sun of York" etc.) and knows what a noble gas is (hint: it doesn't come out from your rear end) and at least faintly remembers what the Krebs Cycle is. He should know what the Constitution is and what the amendments are (I saw an episode of Jay Leno where he went out and asked people if they knew what amendments were and if they knew what the Bill of Rights were -- you can guess how many dead presidents turned over in their graves!).

A warm heart. I am not a lovey dovey person myself, and I don't even like hugging people (having physical contact with people I'm just not that close to urks me, and hello! Germs!). But I'm a warm hearted person, nonetheless. I am compassionate. I'm not going to be attracted to men who like to burn ants with a magnifying glass. That's plain cruelty. A nice guy. Isn't that just what women want?

You know what would be the cherry on a perfect sundae? A guy who buys flowers. What woman doesn't like flowers (except those with allergies)? It's a universal truth, and yet, men still don't buy flowers nearly enough. I've received flowers from one boyfriend on one occasion. My first long-term boyfriend never bought me flowers, because he felt that it was a waste of money. When I griped about it (I was 19, I was young and naive), he bought me flowers on the next Valentine's day. Only, it was a single rose encased in a plastic box, and IT WAS FAKE. I gave him credit for trying. His excuse was that he wanted to get me something that lasts. Uh-huh. I received a bouquet of roses on Valentine's day a year or two later, but that was it. Not even on my birthday have I received flowers. So buy me flowers dammit!

I'm going to cite one example where flowers are bad. My most recent date, which was I think in August or so, gave me two flowers. It was after a horrible date. He got in his truck, came out, and gave me two flowers. I think they were daisies or something like that. But they were sitting in the truck long enough that they were withered and browning. The stem was also about an inch in length, which was not at all pretty. So dead flowers you picked out from the lawn are not good.

Basically, this is a general guideline. I think more important is that the guy doesn't have a quality that just disqualifies him. For example, he can fit all this criteria, but if he tells me during dinner, "are you sure you should have that dessert?" I'm going to scream bloody murder. There are just certain things that just really freaks me out and makes me run for the nearest exit. It's hard to say what they are -- sometimes I am surprised to find myself getting freaked out over these things. You'd be surprised too, if you came across a guy who didn't know who Socrates was. Just makes me feel like screaming, "where have you been all your life? Do you live in a cave?! Honestly!" So that would be the answer to the question, "what is your type?" Men who follow the above guideline and who don't commit major faux pas (aforementioned black high-waters and white socks) are my type.

Please don't think that I'm just the horriblest snob ever for being so picky and insensitve. I'm not picky and I'm not insensitive at all. But believe me. I have met men who belong in a circus. If you've met them too, you'd be as paranoid as I am. I'm just being careful, that is all. Well now. That was a mouthful, wasn't it? I congratulate all who made it to the end of this entry. Give yourself a pat on the back!

Life in the Pod

2004-11-17T21:19:00.000-08:00

I am seriously thinking of re-naming this blog, "Life in the Pod" as my life is starting to revolve more or less around the iPod. It was supposed to come today, and I looked forward to holding it in my hand and clasping it to my heart as though it were the Holy Grail, but darned UPS mysteriously decided to reschedule it to be shipped tomorrow. (SIGH!) But tomorrow, I shall have the iPod (UPS's schedule permitting) and I shall have my music! Until then, my computer will be on and pumping music from its speakers. Oh well.

Saved!

2004-11-16T22:53:00.000-08:00

I saw Saved! tonight. It was good -- refreshing! For once I liked Mandy Moore. It was just a level up from the frequent "afterschool specials" shown in my "adolescent skills" class in the 8th grade. It's not a religious movie that offends non-Christians, so don't be peeved by that. I mean, I'm as secular as it gets and I had no problem with this film. So this film gets two secular thumbs up.

Sometimes, I despise the direction I am heading. Not really in my actions, but in my tastes, especially in film. Why am I getting more and more attracted by these "Disney" style films with forced happy endings? I used to be dark and cynical; I was the only 5th grader refusing to accept Disney's ending of the Little Mermaid and protested, rather vigorously that the truth of the tale be told! What happened to that vociferous girl with the surplus of 'tudes?

Recent family-oriented films I have enjoyed were: Shrek 2, Cheaper by the Dozen, Mean Girls, Freaky Friday, among others. Am I falling into that slippery slope into wannabe-soccer-mom-hood? Girl-scout leader? I am becoming a gargantuan softie in my old age.

I've even purchased the "Disney Winnie the Pooh Complete Multi Vitamin: Children's Multiple Vitamin and Mineral Supplement." (Which, by the way, is fraudulent; it says, "Great taste kids love" and it tastes extremely bad and I'm most certain that kids will hate it -- ugh, the aftertaste!) I mean, I had a coupon, but I could have easily bought another brand for the same price. I don't even like Pooh. I can't see why that dumb bear is even popular! The only sane character on that show is Rabbit anyways!

Ok, enough griping. I'm going to try to get to bed earlier tonight (aka before midnight). I'm having a hard time prying myself off my computer, but I'm sure as hell gonna give it a try.

Holy Mother of God!

2004-11-16T17:16:00.000-08:00

The Virgin Mary appears in 10 yr old sandwich: Click here for the full article.

I love eBay! So interesting what people have to sell. It is the ultimate flea market!

Synopsis (if you're too lazy to click on the link and read for yourself): 10 years ago, a woman made a grilled cheese sandwich and took a bite. After a single bite, she saw the face of the Virgin Mary staring back at her and became freaked, placed the sandwich in a plastic case and let it sit for 10 years. Fastforward to 2004, when the woman decided to place it on eBay, getting over 100,000 hits and up to $20,000 in bids. Then eBay takes it off for whatever technicality they state.

I have to wonder if the bidders for that sandwich wanted it as a religious relic of some sort, or perhaps wanted to eat a very expensive and freaky sandwich. I'm sure they're a couple of Homer Simpsons in there among them...

Potpourri

2004-11-15T23:44:00.000-08:00

The Blogger interface comes in multiple languages now, including French and Korean and more!

I'm having one of the most horrific days ever.

If you visited my site earlier and could not see the images, I apologize. I get free bandwidth from ripway.com and I exceeded my limits due to a massive explosion of traffic (well, what's massive to me is miniscule to many), images were not showing. They should be showing now.

I am re-evaluating my life, especially on the outlooks of marriage; perhaps it wouldn't be so vile. As long as my hubby-to-be isn't a beer-guzzling lunatic; there's only room for one beer-guzzling lunatic in a marriage, and that's going to be me!

My fabulous iPod is set for arrival on Wednesday. Toni notified me that some new wireless iPod is in the making, but I think I'm satisfied with my purchase. I was dumbfounded with the release of the iPod photo which comes with a color LCD and the ability to view photos, but it was much too expensive, and I don't need that much hard drive space when even my desktop computer has less space! I honestly don't even think that I have over 5 gigs of music/audio files.

My decision to purchase the pearly white iPod over the iPod Mini in pink was mostly for status. An iPod is a status symbol, and as a status symbol, the white reigns supreme. Also, I will be listening to my Pimsleur's French, which actually ends up being nearly 3 gigs. Also, my brother kept singing in my ears that I'll regret it if I get the pink because I'll get tired of its color. Which, actually, is completely untrue, because I love the color pink and I'll never get tired of that color. It's the ultimate feminine color and there is just no way to downplay that. Anyways. I got the 4G iPod 20GB, and that's what's coming on Wednesday. It will join my Canon S400 digital camera as two of my most cherished possessions -- my car being number one possession, and my computer being second. I think my camera and the iPod can comfortably share third place.

Is it weird that I rank my personal appliances? I just do it so that when there's some disaster (i.e. earthquake or terrorist attack or anything in between), I'll know what to take with me on the run. Of course, if there's no time to save my computer or iPod or camera or car, I'll just have to grab my kitty and go, because push comes to shove, nothing beats a living, purring companion. But if time permits, I'll grab Nabee, throw her into the car, gently place my computer (as it doesn't always land on its feet as my cat does) and the remaining items in order of their ranks. Sure, it's weird, but at least I'll be spending my last twelve hours during the apocalypse listening to my favorite tunes with my cat. What would you do?

Trans fat is bad for you. Avoid it at all cost.

Most of my classmates in my political science class are too young to remember who Paula Jones is. Which means, I'm getting old.

I was supposed to register for Winter semester classes. I completely forgot.

Shrek 2 is one of the rare movies that is just as good, if not better, than the first film.

I started on my first (and possibly last) novel this month. I was so horrified by my product that I deleted it permanently off my computer. I think it's the first time I've allowed myself to delete/destroy/throw away anything, as I am the queen of all pack rats. It was quite refreshing.

I need a drink.

My Blog is a Book

2004-11-14T23:12:00.000-08:00

These days I frequently read my own blog. It's interesting. I see that column of links to my weekly archives, and click on a random one, and see what I had blogged that week. As y'all may know, I've written well over 200,000 words which adds up to nearly 700 posts, and I've been doing this for close to two years now (second anniversary on February 1!), so there's plenty to read.

I am always astonished by what I find -- I know I wrote them myself, but my blog is practically proof that people change over time. Like, for example, why did I pick out baby names for my future children, if I don't plan on having children at all (possibly)? I know it's just my thoughts now and that could change, but I'm not too excited about being a mom anytime in the next, say, 10 years.

There there was that time my work got burglarized. I remember that morning when I walked into work, so vividly, and it springs back into my mind everytime I lock up to go home. That week, I was so traumatized, I just blogged once in the whole week!

A lot of things have happened in the last two years that I've blogged about -- my blog isn't quite like the Diary of Anne Frank or anything of that caliber, but it's an important chronicle detailing the happenings of my life. It could very well function as the raw material for my autobiography. I'll be compiling my autobio when I become important and famous -- if Hillary can write one, and if Madeline Albraight can write one, and if even Bill can write one -- so can I.

I yelled at myself again today. Because I spent the entire day web-surfing, when I really should have studied for tomorrow's Philosophy exam, Tuesday's English exam and political science exam. Now I'm sleepy and tired and want to go to bed! I make myself sick like that. I scolded myself on not reading -- since my computer came back to life, I stopped reading. I can't believe that it takes a dead computer to get me to crack open and read! But I did barely finish "The Da Vinci Code" by Dan Brown -- I'm just at the epilogue. I think the first 2/3 of the book is exciting as hell and just sooooo unexpected and so thrilling, but the rest was so-so. The final ending twist was nothing short of miraculous though, but I did guess right about Sophie Neveu -- I don't want to give anything away, so I'll just stop there. But I think it's definitely worth the hype and worth the time to read. I'm moving onto Dan Brown's other book, Angels and Demons, which features the same main character, Robert Langdon.

Robert Langdon is just sooooo Harrison Ford. You can just see the resemblance. Of course, Harrison Ford may be too old to play Robert Langdon in the movie version (I hear they're working on making a movie out of the novel), unless he can somehow go back about 10-20 years or so. But very Indiana Jones-y. I love Indiana Jones (here we go digressing again). He's smart, he's educated, he's passionate about his work, and his courageous and brave, AND he's sexy and just slightly rugged! I don't need a prince charming --I want my Indiana Jones. I'm not easily swooned like this -- I must be getting a tad lonely in my old, decrepit age. I let out a deep sigh every time Tinka or Toni use the word "boyfriend" in their blogs. I'm gettin' old.

Well, it's that time again (to sleep). I'm going to need a crobar to pry myself away from my computer -- ever since it was revived, I have been just completely glued to it! Practically joined at the head/monitor. I'm on the verge of crawling inside it, so I better just turn it off and jump in bed while I'm still sane. Nighty night.

Talk about Ironic!

2004-11-14T19:28:00.000-08:00

Click to enlarge

Am I the only one seeing the irony in the advertisement for this article?

Ominous Sunday

2004-11-14T17:53:00.000-08:00

Ugh. It is not a good Sunday. I felt it when I woke up. I've been procrastinating, but because I am tired. I just realized a couple of days ago that there is only a month of school left! When did the time go?

I have a Statistics project and homework (from last week!) and a philosophy midterm, and I have an English research paper, and a political science exam. I'm really behind and worse yet, I am starting to panic. I am not as doing as well as last semester when I was truly on top of my game. This semester I am struggling, and most of it is because I am just so tired. Stressed. Worn out. Somebody should've warned me when I popped out of my mother's womb that this life thing ain't gonna be easy! Somehow, I feel a bit deceived by the way life has turned out.

Just to explain what is going on -- I've gotten some bad news that will affect me immensely. I really don't care to share that with the world on my blog of all places, so that shall remain unknown. And I don't like the fact that I would be admitting its happening in writing. As far as I know, it did not happen and will never happen and I'm going to live in denial. It would just be one more thing for me to endure during this mess called "life" and I can't carry more on my shoulders as it is. Have I mentioned that I feel like the Greek mythological character, Atlas? You might have seen him -- muscular guy, holding up the Earth on his shoulders? Well, that's me. Only I wouldn't be holding up a globe naked. Some may call it nude, but I say "NEKKED!"

Anyways. I've only lived 24 and half years. It's not much to look back on, but somehow, it's not the straight and narrow path I've always thought it would be. It's gnarly and full of thorns. It's a rough course. And I think back and ask myself if I could have done anything in my power to change the course of my life. And the answer is, yes. It's my fault. But I did what I did and I just have to suck it up and accept it, right? Well, moving on.

You know, you're not supposed to fear anything but fear itself, but I always have this fear. And it's pretty big. It's the fear that one day down the road, I'll wake up and see myself so off course from where I've wanted to be, and I'll be just so totally lost. That's my fear. My 100 Things #22 explains that! I mean, it's an example. But I really do fear that one day I'll wake up and realize that I am not living the fabulous life I should be living! I mean, it won't happen, say tomorrow, although I do feel it to some extent, because I consider this part of my life as some sort of a training period -- I am preparing to live a grand life. Perhaps when I'm 35 or 45 years of age, and I'm still doing some 9-to-5 I hate, married with a bunch of children of hell, just barely trying to make ends meet -- I'll scream.

Have you seen that movie, Family Man starring Nicholas Cage? He wakes up one day (it's kind of like a dream) to find himself living a totally different life -- in reality, he's single, and he's successful in his job, and in the dream, he finds what he missed out on, which is a lovely wife and kids and loving family and home (although he works in some sort of tire selling business?). Well, in his case, he found what he was missing in his life, and he was given a chance to make it right. Well, that doesn't happen too often in reality, does it?

It's like spilling milk. Sure you can try your best to scoop it back up into the cup, but not much of it will be saved. And furthermore, not much of that will be drinkable. Life goes by like that too. One month of bad choices will take eons to reverse, if it can be reversed at all. For example, if I decided to get married tomorrow to a man who could barely support me and himself, and decide to pop out some kids, what would happen to my life? Would I still get a shot at the life I envisioned for myself? I'd have to be the soccer mom who clips coupons AND shops at Walmart. Can I go to Africa and save continent from the AIDS epidemic? Can I devote my life to teaching and learning? If I'm struggling to pay the electricity bills and phone bills and griping about my-manager-who's-younger-than-me-but-has-a-higher-degree-and-has-a-bitchy-attitude, can I be all that I can be?

I'm an optimistic person, and I would like to believe that anything's possible. But I also believe in repercussions. Sure you can have your cake and eat it too! Sure you can. But you'll gain another ass cheek and become overweight and your cholesterol will be higher and increase your chances of heart disease and diabetes (extreme, but intended for impact). I can balance myself between work and the bills and the two obnoxious kids and the beer-guzzling husband, so that I can go to school and get higher education and have my mom watch the kids while I go to another continent and save the world or march to Washington, DC and demand for a woman president (or whatever) and do the great things I should be, but I'll have to pay the price for that. My husband will hate me because he's a beer-guzzling alcoholic misogynist, and my children will need therapy because their mother is busy trying to save the world while leaving them alone and vulnerable and motherless, and my mom will hate my for making her watch my children from hell, and my dog will die from starvation because no one will feed him and it'll be all over town that my husband is seeing another hussy on the side!

Of course, then again, I can always marry a rich handsome prince who loves me for me and encourages me to pursue my dreams and my children will be so supportive of who I am and what I want to do and they'll be such darling angels and my dog will learn to survive on bugs and grass in the yard and the aforementioned hussy will revere me and become my new and fab assistant. But knowing my life, that cannot be counted on to happen. In accordance with the other happenings of my life, my husband should be abusive, and he'll beat me and the kids and they'll be taken into foster care where they'll be abused even more and they'll grow up hating me and I'll hate myself for living the life I hate and my mom will wonder what went wrong in my rearing and my dog will choke on poison ivy and die. Yep. That sounds like my life.

So that's what I worry about most. I'll just sit and say, "hey, I can get by without doing that stat homework" or "I can spend another year working at the cell phone store" and I'll just keep compromising with life and end up shooting down the slippery slope. I can hear the hellish kids screaming and the dog barking and that hussy with caked powder and tasteless red lipstick laughing at me with my ugly, fat, good-for-nothing husband. And that frightens me half to death.

Don't tell me you didn't know that I was neurotic!

Just One Thing

2004-11-13T22:09:00.000-08:00

Can I just say one thing tonight?

I love California.

New Neighbors

2004-11-13T08:53:00.000-08:00

Click to enlarge!

There's not ONE but TWO new businesses which have joined the little shopping area where I work. I work in a two story building -- some people call it mini-malls or whatever, but it's the kind of structure that is frequently visible in Koreatown. Most are two stories, and there's a congregation of little stores, usually one being a cafe, and another being a videostore, and a restaurant or two. The building I work, has two cafes, four restaurants, one cell phone store (me!), one video store, one manhwa-bang (a place to read and rent comic/manga books), and two clothing stores, and a few others as well.

Some stores just don't stay. And it's always the same spots that the tenants leave. While some have stayed for as long as I've known the business (my store has been where it's currently at for 15 years) and some stay less than a year. Regardless of how long a tenant actually stays, they all pass around dduk -- sort of a Korean rice cake. Delicious. We get a plate of it passed around at least once a year because at least one business has closed and another has opened. Today, we got two plates of dduk because two new businesses opened and became our neighbors. Above is an actual photo of the plate of dduk we received (minus a few round ones that I ate prior to taking a photo of it).

Another oddity of the day was that a customer gave an odd gift. A lot of people are very thankful for the service we provide, and often give us money (the best!) and other gifts. Some bring lovely bits of pastry, some bring a box of juice/beverages, and little things like that. Well, today, one customer decided to bring us -- can you guess? -- soju. Three bottles of soju.

I was kind of puzzled as to why this man would bring soju for me -- it really isn't a sign of gratitude! But then I was revealed the deeper meaning behind the green bottles. It was soju from Korea. Now, most of you are thinking, "isn't soju already Korean?" Well, yes, it is. But apparently, soju sold in the US are manufactured in the US, and taste very different from the soju that is made in Korea, even if it is the same brand. Then I recalled how some of my friends would go home to Korea and bring back little packs of soju (called pack-soju -- they come in little cubic cartons like some of the juices here), because they insisted that the soju tasted different.

It was weird leaving work with a bottle of soju in my hand. It made me appear as though I were an alcoholic and I just couldn't wait to hit the bottle! Well, I brought it home now, and while I'm just enjoying some beer for today, I will taste the soju and give a thorough review on the comparison between soju from Korea and soju from the US.

Of course, now you realize, that the amount of hits I get from the search word "soju" will now double. =)

Actually written:08:00-ish PM November 12, 2004 (Internet connection down again!)

Made for Cable TV, it says

2004-11-12T14:53:00.000-08:00

Scott Peterson, Guilty!

Bad J.Crew!

2004-11-11T15:44:00.000-08:00

I honestly don't care that this model is just the most jaw-droppingly hot model ever. This is still a definite "please don't" look in my book. I don't care if paisley pattern was revered by Babylonians as a sybol of life. I don't care if paisley pattern was perfected by the Indians as art. Why is this man wearing paisley printed pants? If that weren't enough, the damned pants are RED! And in all seriousness, everything about the image reveals that this is not meant to be worn as pajamas, but rather, it is meant to be worn OUTDOORS! With a blazer no less! Somebody should be fired at J.Crew and I don't think it's the model. This is the most heinous photo in any catalogue ever! I mean, was the designer colorblind? Blind? Having a bad day? You may not be able to see in the shrunk photo on the left (click for larger version) but it's just hideous. The worst part? It also comes in a "Christmassy" green color, and costs $78. If any men are reading this, please just say no!

You know, don't take this as a personal attack launched against J.Crew. I honestly just love J.Crew to death. I own nothing from J.Crew, but I still love their catalogue. It's like... Abercrombie & Fitch, grown up! The (male) models are just slightly rugged to look casual, but they look just taylored enough for a city gal. They're tall and good looking, broad-shouldered (gotta love those shoulders) and their smile indicates that they're mature, but still retain just a tad of boyish shyness and innocence. The J.Crew catalogue always featured impeccably preppy and stylish clothing, until this season. It will be the season of infamy. Paisley! As if!

Fathers

2004-11-11T15:27:00.000-08:00

Who doesn't remember this moment from the debates? This was one moment when I actually liked Bush's comment. Most of the time, we are bombarded with messages that these politicians are commanders in chief, war veterans, leaders, men of integrity, and they're out there doing photo ops and they have agendas and they're evil or they're money-laundering or they're all powerful or they're stupid and making blunders (potatos anyone?). It's hard to recognize that underneath everything, they're just men. Just men. Men who are fathers and husbands and brothers, which is the most basic position of a man, isn't it? Before becoming teachers or presidents or surgeons or whatever. It's refreshing to realize that Bush (or Kerry for that matter) isn't just a politician, but an actual human being. I just wish they would show us this human side more often.

OMGomgOMGomg!

2004-11-11T14:56:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness. I am still shivering. Guess why?

I have finally processed my order at Amazon.com for the ever so coveted, iPOD. I've been pondering for months now on which iPod to get, and at the final moments, there was a bit of drama, as I was trying to decide if I should just get a PDA, but I finally decided, and now it's all done. I have decided to go with the 4G (4th generation) 20 GB iPOD, in white, of course. I just had to pay the $49 difference, as I had $250 worth of gift certificates stored up. Can you say excited???

Yasser Arafat, Palestine Leader Dies

2004-11-10T20:54:00.000-08:00

Yasser Arafat, the long time Palestine Leader has passed on.

It's SINGULAR, not CINGULAR DAMMIT!

2004-11-10T16:46:00.000-08:00

I cannot put into words my contempt for the wireless company Cingular. Their wireless reception is tolerable, but their customer service is not. I think you have to be at least a bit related to the devil himself to qualify for a job at Cingular's customer service. Almost all of their reps come directly from the bottomless pit of hell, and whenever I have to speak to them, they talk back to me as though they are condemning me to join them in the eternally burning fire.

It's like, they TRY to rip you off. And they try hard. And if you try to appeal to a higher authority, i.e. supervisor/manager, this is what they say: "I'm sorry, in regards to this matter, no one at Cingular can help you." And if you say, "You know what? I'll take my chances -- can you transfer me to your supervisor?" Then they reply, "My supervisor will tell you exactly the same thing as I have, ma'am." Of course! How ingenious that all your brains are connected via giant cables connected to your spinal cord (a la Matrix) so all of you share your thoughts. Or perhaps all of you just have one brain to which you are connected.

"I understand," I say, grinding my teeth. "But I would still like to speak to your supervisor." Yeah. Just in case he/she is someone with a conscience! And this is the lovely rep's reply: "Ok ma'am. Please hold." And they play this lovely (brain-washing/hypnotizing) music and leave me on hold for a good deal of time, say 5 to 8 minutes or so. Sometimes the supervisor actually answers. Sometimes the rep returns after a few minutes, and there is hope in his/her voice, that I might have given up and hung up. Sometimes, the phone call is just disconnected. Routine procedures.

Well, listen up Cingular. I've never really liked you, and now I'm about to start hating you. Now that you'll be joining forces with AT&T Wireless (almost as evil as Cingular), you think you're just going to be the biggest bad ass in wireless. Well, lemme tell ya just one thing: It's Singular with an "S" you morons. Get it right.

Welcome to the Most Frequently Updated Blog

2004-11-09T16:53:00.000-08:00

I blog too much. A lot of people wonder if I even have a life outside my blog. And the truth is, I do; just very little! As the saying goes, quantity does not equal quality, so maybe I should think about that before I blog more than twice a day!

I took the stat exam, and I did alright. I was given an extra 48 hours to finish the homework and turn it in, but I think I probably passed with at least a B-.

I went and finally took care of my laundry. I was running out of clothes to wear. It's a good thing I have enough underwear to last me a month or else I'd have to resort to wearing them inside out (was that too much info also?). I think I'm just in a really grotesque mood this week -- it's that very special time of the month and I'm just in the most foulest mood. And I feel gross. Like the feeling you get when you're long past due for a shower. Or am I the only person who have gone a few days without a shower? Like I said, I'm feeling grotesque!

Novel-writing, sucks. For me, it is. I'm still at about 500 words, and I'm about to end the story with the narrator committing suicide, just so that I can end the godforsaken thing. I've created a monster. The vast whiteness of the screen frightens me more than any horror film. Sometimes, when I stare at it too long, my monitor goes into that powersave mode and flicks off, so that the screen turns black -- and I can see a haggard woman with dark eyes and stringy hair, staring right back at me. And I jump back with a slight gasp because it looks like she's going to crawl out of the screen like she did in "The Ring." It takes a few nanoseconds to realize that I just saw my reflection and scared myself senseless by my own face. So that's how my novel-writing experience is going.

Now I finally have a few idle moments to sit back and take a breather before heading to class later. I'm sipping diet cherry coke on the rocks, and I can contemplate what to have for dinner. I had the nastiest pasta in the world for lunch today. Guess who made it? I did! It smelled kind of fishy and tasted kind of salty and later, it kind of gave me heartburn. WOAH. I'm just giving away tons of "too much info" today.

I didn't realize that I was actually giving too much info when I was writing in my comments -- honest! But when you visit my blog, you have to be aware of the fact that my life involves things of grotesque nature -- poop, vomit, diarrhea, kitty's litter box, gas and constipation, belching the alphabet, dancing in my underwear when no one's looking, phlegm, pus, and blisters (hmm... have I left out anything?) and that's all before starting the nursing program! Maybe I should blog about my nursing program experiences somewhere else -- I'm pretty certain that it can and will get pretty gross. Being sick is really gross, but yanno, being gross is just part of life. I mean, how many super-diaper-changer-parents do you know, that have never gotten baby poo/pee all over their hands? Aren't babies just the cutest? They vomit up a lot of stuff too, and they take extreme care to vomit when you're dressed for work/job interview/life-altering moments. And when you make sure that someone else is burping the baby because you're dressed up for some important event, they pull their secret weapon on you: projectile vomiting. Lovely little critters.

Which brings me to the topic of babies. Am I afraid of them, or are they afraid of me? I think it's probably the former. Despite the fact that I've actually spent a lot of time around infants, I really don't know how to deal with babies/young children. Usually, I just treat them exactly the same as I do adults, which appears odd to other people. I make baby-talk with my cat and other people's dogs, ("oooooh look how adowable you are ~~ yesssss, aren't you just a big dawwwwg?") but to any humans, I use my normal voice. I mean, I'm sitting with a 18 month old, and he's doing his thing, playing with blocks (or mostly stuffing the blocks into his mouth) or watching TV. And I'm just there. And I'm not exactly an ultra friendly person either. But then, the baby starts doing baby things, and the situation escalates from mildly uncomfortable, to squirmish.

Like, for example, the baby farts. Baby's can't break wind very loudly, and if it's audible at all, it's not likely that you'll hear it. So there's absolutely no warning, and by the time a waft of air brings contact to your nose, it's too late. There's no time to gain composure and pretend it didn't happen. Your face just scrunches up into this awful look, and you give a piercing look at the 18 month old, and he just looks at you. Then the worst thing happens. He smiles. I swear that monster knows what he did! But it's not like you can accuse a baby of farting, and even if he did, it's really not considered ill-mannered of the child.

The worst is not over; try telling the parent(s) that his or her child just passed gas and smiled about it. The average human being passes gas 12 times in a day (that seems a bit high, even for me, but hey, I don't make the statistics). But if you were to take part in this activity in public, wouldn't you at least apologize? And if your child did so, wouldn't you apologize for your child? Alas, no. Just by the event of producing offsprings, people become parents, and parents, have no shame. "Hey your baby just broke wind and let it loose and you better do something about it." That doesn't sound right. So you find yourself alone, in your contemplations and pain and suffering. You have faced and braved the Baby Fart Attack™. Believe me, you are not alone. It really is mind-boggling. How can something that looks so adorable and sweet produce such gawd-awful smell?!

Well, that was my editorial on farting babies. Believe me, they're out there. True story actually. I was left alone with my friend's baby for a few minutes -- the most awkward moment of my life! Since then, that baby's kissed me with his mouth full of fruity jam, took a swig of my shot of soju (I didn't condone that behavior -- accident, honest!), and he pooped while sitting on my lap. We've gotten real close, I tell you. To this day, I'm pretty certain that I've got to be his favorite auntie. Blech. Can't wait for that child to grow up!

So there you have it. Another blog post where the point I was trying to make was lost. What was I going to write about anyway?

The Joys of Nursing

2004-11-09T13:49:00.000-08:00

Here are a few things that nurses HATE:

Gotta love it when they poo, pee, and vigorously wipe with 2 whole squares of toilet paper...then they reach up and grab ya (with the same hand) to get up from the toilet......oh that pi$$es me off! What were ya thinking?!!

I gotta agree on the dumping syndrome- those bedpans smell and look worse than ANYTHING I've ever dealt with- makes me literally gag! and I agree with those who say dumping stuff in the toilet is the worst part- with those bedpans, there's just something about the sound of it hitting the water, and the smell rising up- oooooohhhh ughhhhh, shudder!!

[...] With the smelly stuff you just need to learn how to totally breath thru your mouth......need to do a total nasal bypass. then the smelly's won't get you.

If I had to pick ONE thing thatreally makes me want to yak, it would be taking dentures out of someone's mouth and there's food and stuff caked all over them. Now, I've never had a problem with bedpans, I can even suction people without a problem, but just the THOUGHT of handling those slimy things with only-god-knows-what all over them makes me want to blow chunks...

manual disempaction!!!! I can clean up poo on an incontinent person, but I can't stand to dig it out!!!!

What have I gotten myself into?

Anecdotes from the allnurses.com forum.

The sum of the squares of the derivatives of the root of ...

2004-11-09T01:30:00.000-08:00

You know, I've taken calculus and handled it well. I've read math texts and comprehended the complex theories of L'Hopital's Rule (not to be confused with the word Hospital) and the Simpson's Rule, and understood how each formulas and theorems were derived. I wasn't too bad at it until I decided to give up.

Statistics should be easy. Relatively speaking. I think the prereq for this course is college level algebra. Which is something I probably learned as a 14 year old. Not to brag or anything, but I've always been a fantastic student in any English class as well. But, would somebody please explain this to me?

Least-Squares Regression Line
The least-squares regression line of y on x is the line that makes the sum of the squares of the vertical distances of the data points from the line as small as possible.

Uhhh... what of the what what from what? It's past midnight, and exam is in less than 10 hours. Should I forgo sleep and attempt to understand this madness, or should I just get some sleep? Is this even supposed to make sense?

Uhhhhhh. It's going to be a long night. I'm going to need something much stronger than a beer to numb the pain I'm getting from this stuff. Which reminds me -- self-note: do not procrastinate 5 chapters worth of homework until the night before exam, because it leads to me, sitting at my desk trying to pull out all my hair the night before.

Guess What I'm Drinking?

2004-11-08T19:49:00.000-08:00

Yes. I had to have a cold drink in preparation for the massive amounts of statistics homework I have to do tonight (due tomorrow, and exam tomorrow). I don't think it is possible to do statistics without getting slightly buzzed beforehand -- hopefully this bottle of Corona (aka La Cerveza Mas Fina) with lime wedges should do the trick (see left image -- notice the "Shakespeare" book in the background -- that's Richard III!). Where would I be now had I not bought beer on my trip to Ralph's yesterday?

Did I mention my affinity for alcohol? It's like the fountain of youth, bottled; make you feel happy just enough to keep you grounded to earth (although excessive amounts will kill you). I also bought a bottle of vodka (Skyy) yesterday so that I can have my bloody maries and cosmos. Habee is rolling her eyes, after seeing me gulp down the beer -- clearly she is ashamed of her alcoholic owner. Come on, kitty. Lemme have my alcohol. Due to some new law allowing random drug testing for nurses, I'll never be able to take illegal drugs or take drugs illegally (there is a difference) as long as I'm in the health care biz. NOT THAT I TAKE DRUGS of course. I'm being serious. Scout's honor. I'm too poor to take drugs -- sometimes I can't even afford Pampirin for cramps! But anyways, since I haven't taken drugs and I can't take drugs and I won't be able to take drugs and I'll be "just say[ing] no" for one heck of a long time, lemme have my beer in peace.

I am reminded of the joke, "don't drink and derive." As I recall, calculus was always much more fun with a bit of alcohol -- I was able to understand derivatives and integration and have more fun solving problems under the influence. So let me repeat -- drink and derive if you can and if you must, but NEVER EVER DRINK AND DRIVE.

That was my version of the "public service announcement."

Well, here I go plunging into 5 chapters of stat homework. Yay.

Political Asylum?

2004-11-08T17:55:00.000-08:00

Whatever happebned to that song, "Blame Canada"? (I think it was from South Park.) I got this info from OutOutBlogSpot (see left for link) who got it from Salon.

So you want to move to Canada? David Cohen, partner of Cohen-Campbell, a leading Canadian immigration law firm, had barely settled into work Wednesday morning when his phone started ringing with Americans seeking legal guidance to taking up residence in the land of the maple leaf. The Bush victory did it, they told him: America's shift to the right had finally squeezed them out of their own country. Farewell Ten Commandment statues in public squares, hello single-payer health care. So just how hard is it for an American to become a Canuck? A recent Harper's article suggested that bailing from Dick Cheneyville entailed a rather onerous legal dance. "It's not difficult at all," says Cohen. Basically all you need is a B.A. and a passing fluency in English and "Bingo, you're in." Canada wants you. Turns out the populace, not too big on breeding, is not getting any younger. Our neighbors to the north need 1 percent of new immigrants every year just to keep their population of 31 million from shrinking. Bad for the economy and all that. Interestingly, not many Americans decide to remake their lives in Canada. In 2002, only 5,288 Yankees immigrated there, compared to 14,164 folks from Pakistan. However, Cohen says his business among Americans has picked up considerably in the past year. He's received numerous calls from "parents who have lived through the Vietnam era and now have children soon to be draft age." To put down roots in Canada, you need a permanent residence visa. First, you fill out a scorecard that awards you points for who you are -- you're shooting for 67. That B.A. in Communications from Chico State will do the trick but so will two years as a tradesperson; Manitoba is always looking for good sheet-metal workers. If you only have a high school education but sold that software program you wrote in your bedroom one night to Oracle -- that is, you have a net worth of $200,000 -- start packing, your Canada's kind of person. There is, however, a little bit of a Gattaca thing going. You get more points for being under 49 years old. One warning: "Don't all of a sudden show up with a U-Haul trailer and all of your personal belongings in it," says Cohen. That's a legal offense called "centralizing your mode of living" and will quickly earn you official Canadian directions back to America. If the prospect of living one more day in Bush Land has you leaving tomorrow, better start looking for a job once you get to Canada. You can bop around for six months; after that, you need a work permit to stay longer. Now, if you're really ambitious, and can't stand the thought of calling yourself an American while Donald Rumsfeld walks in the White House rose garden, you can apply for Canadian citizenship. Which requires passing a civics test and naming the three prairie provinces (Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alberta). That will earn you the right to vote and discuss Wayne Gretzky's early years with the Oilers. Keep in mind, red tape being what it is -- and provided you don't break any major Canadian laws like littering -- it will take one year to get a permanent visa and three more years to earn citizenship. By that time, the political scene back home could look a whole lot different. Finally, you may want to think kind thoughts about forefather George Washington before you are required by Canada to recite its Oath of Citizenship: " I swear that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second, Queen of Canada." -- Kevin Berger

Life's Great Mystery

2004-11-07T13:09:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to the optometrist to get a prescription for contact lenses. There, I ran into an old friend -- a friend from high school. She was a year younger and graduated a year after I did, and I haven't really talked to her since I graduated. I saw her a while ago, maybe about two three years ago, but didn't make much more than small talk.

We had orchestra together -- we shared a music stand. She is a great violinist -- she started playing when she was 6 or something. She eventually went onto UCLA and majored in music, and now plays in an orchestra and teaches students. She looked great -- very pretty and stylish, and although she was just a year younger than I am, she had the youthful jubilance in her smile, which held a collective aura of both naivete and sophistication, but she seemed genuine and genuinely happy. Which seems to be more than I can say for myself.

I am aware that I can't judge the extent of her happiness or expect to uderstand her whole life by chatting with her for a few minutes; but the slice of time I spent facing her should be somewhat reflective of the life she leads, no? If someone I hadn't seen in years would see me and talk to me for a few minutes, would they see that I exude such confidence and stability and bona fide joy for life? No, they probably wouldn't. Even through my very own, contact lenses adorned eyes, I see myself to be far more gloomier. Besides the fact that I weigh 20 lbs more than I did a few years ago, my face has aged with stress. Not in the form of wrinkles or dark under-eye circles, but the fact that I just look tired. I don't look excited by life. The corners of my lips shoot downward and my pupils are lackluster.

That is what life has done to me. This was caused by sitting at my desk, elbows digging into the wood, palms supporting my heavy head, while I worry as the night deepens, for the nursing program; the nights I lie wide awake in bed with sleepy and tired, but sleep-deprived eyes, playing the waiting game with Homeland Security while they approve my visa petition; the hours spent infront of the television, creating a personalized groove on the couch, imprinting my body on it, while mindlessly snacking away -- subconsciously feeling that the more I eat the less I worry; it is wishing that I don't wake up in the morning, just so I don't have to report to work, or at the very least have some kind of serious illness that prohibits me from going to work, and waking up each morning with that nasty feeling.

That is what drained the joie de vivre from my life. It has sucked the life out of me. And until now, I hardly recognized the slow progression into the labyrinths of unhappiness. When I saw my classmate's face, her smile, her poise, her laughs, the sparkle in her eyes, and her girlish giggle -- I saw, in harsh contrast, all that I am not. I am not even half the ambitious, excited, eager, bright, and smiling person I had been. I feel like a shriveled up hag who lives day to day not expecting too much from life, lest it expects too much from her.

It is the truth; that has been the way life has treated me, and most of it, I couldn't do anything to fight. But instead of trying to control life, I should have controlled myself. Look introspectively and figure out what makes me happy, what makes me calm and at ease, and what helps me deal. I should have exercised and eaten balanced, nutrious-wise meals. Instead of just shopping for a lipstick as a therapeutic measure, I should have gotten up 10 minutes earlier in the morning to apply it to my lips. I should have invested more money and more time in my hair and get it cut/colored more than once every two years. I should have invested in shoes that not only look good, but feel good, instead of opting for flip-flops just because it's cheap and I can get away with it nearly year-round in SoCal. I should have had more chocolate, instead of denying myself the pleasure of it, only to munch on potato chips and sip sugary fruit juices. I should have drank less coffee, or at least, less black.

I could have done so many things that would have made me happier -- not happy, but at least happier -- and would have made me at least have half the smile my classmate was able to show. I am miserable, but it is my own fault. All this time, I had only contributed to my downward spiral into gloom. I already know what my new year's resolution is now. It is to be good to myself, to my body, to my mind, to my soul. So that I can smile with confidence and not pull a facade of forced lips, pursed tightly but slightly upward, in hopes of deceiving the viewer into thinking that I am happy.

What am I writing about?

2004-11-06T14:45:00.000-08:00

I was looking at the map and looking through all the cities that I may possibly want to live in someday. (continuation of the daydream from yesterday) And I realized something: all the places I want to live are in blue states (DC, Chicago, SF & SD), and all the places I'd hate to live (Nebraska/Mississippi anybody?) are in red states. Coincidence? I think not.

One thing for sure is that I'm never living in Texas. NEVER. It's not just because of Bush, as I did prefer Papa Bush over Bill. For some odd reason, all the people with whom I've had negative relationships -- evil boyfriends from hell, devious members of the extended family, among other people. I don't know why, but all either have lived in Texas (not temporarily, either -- most have spent at least a decade living in Texas) or currently reside in Texas. I think it's just that the damned state is hot as HELL, and therefore producing people with a hellish nature.

One dude I knew way back was from Texas. He was an okay person, but he was a druggie. He lied, he stood me up, he disappeared, he came back, then disappeared again, and then showed up again later, and lied some more and disappeared again. Drugs are evil people. Just say no.

Another guy I was introduced to by a mutual friend, ended up dumping me to marry another woman. YAY. Currently resides in Dallas with his lovely wife. He literally got married less than half a year of dumping yours truly.

Then I have some evil family members (I cannot believe I am related to them) who gives less shit than my cat poos in a day about me. So TEXAS, you'll never have me.

There are other vile people living in Texas of whom I am painfully aware, but I won't talk about them now. Sometimes I kid and say that I banish all my foes to the state of Texas. Come on -- highest rate of capital punishment execution? It's the perfect state to banish people.

I can't even remember what the point I was trying to make today. Maybe I'll feel more sane later.

2004-11-05T18:24:00.000-08:00

Found this image on OutOutBlogSpot (see left for link):

And remember that subway image I showed y'all? Well, this one seems to be the original image -- a bit clearer to see:

Show Me the Money

2004-11-05T16:06:00.000-08:00

Show me the Money. Or at least, someone give me some money. I just took a look at the list of textbooks required for nursing students -- just this winter alone I'll be spending several hundreds on books. Granted, most of these books will be used throughout the program and probably provide invaluable information for me for many years, the cost is still overwhelming. Thank goodness for credit cards. Just when I was crawling out of debt, I gotta jump back in that quicksand.

I just wish so badly that I could start in the Spring, versus the Fall, but I'm afraid of vocalizing my wish -- I think out of nowhere, somebody will jump out and chide me, "you should be thankful you got in at all!"

Again, I am beginning to plan things. Is it weird that I just love to make plans and lists? I'm obsessed, but it makes me happy. It is a good thing that I get planning right away, because when I finish nursing school, I'll only have an AS degree and I'll need to work on transferring to a 4-yr university to get my bachelors. I think it would be best that I go straight away and get my bachelors, rather than skip school for a few years. Also, I've been in school for sooooooo damn long that it's frightening to think that I'd be away from school for so long, even if just a year.

I've been looking at employment searchings for various areas of the country -- and schools also. If I do succeed (which really isn't a matter of if -- it took me this long to get in, and I'm not going to squander away this chance by failing!) I will have a priceless license in hand -- a RN license, which can get me a job virtually anywhere in the planet (everywhere except the Phillipines, South Africa, who produce more nurses than they need, and developing countries). I've picked some places I want to live. I have a feeling that I'd be in SoCal forever and ever, but it's nice to think that I have options.

My first choice would be Washington DC. I was browsing on-line and came across a blog that had the image left as a main image. Immediately I became SO nostalgic for DC! Can you get so nostalgic for a city you've only spent a few days in? It's hard to see what it is, but you can click on it to see a larger version. It's the train station. Or is it subway? It is underground, and it's kind of eerie, lit dimly with fluorsecent lights. It is kind of a barrel vault archway, but it has rectangular depressions all over the surface of the ceiling, and it's an enormous space. It has been years since I took public transportation, and more than a decade since I took a subway, and it was pretty exciting. I was so enchanted by the whole area of the station, and I completely forgot to take photos of it. But I loved the city. It's beautiful! I would love to live there for a few years. And I've got my cousin there too.

Second choice would be San Francisco/Bay area. It's a lovely area. What more can I say? And it's got a bunch of good nursing schools where I can complete advanced nursing degrees if I choose to. It's still California, and the weather's probably as nice as it is down here.

Third would be Chicago, IL. Snow. What else can I say? I also have family in Schaumberg, so I won't be too lonely. And I can always watch horror movies with Zarina (if she's still in the area when I finish nursing school, which seems EONS away)! =) And there's a giant lake, if you haven't heard. And ponds all over the place -- even Schaumberg, where my auntie and uncle lives, has a pond per block! I'm sure that makes for a humid summer, but I don't plan to live there forever -- I can deal. And THERE'S SNOW! Did I say that already? After 14 years of sunny Christmas (vs White Christmas), I think I deserve a white one.

The fourth is a tie between San Diego and Seattle. They both seem like lovely cities with much views to offer. I don't know too much about the cities to decide.

Ok. That was enough fantasizing for now. Whew! It made me pass a good hour dreaming about living in other wonderful places. For the remaining of the workday, I will ponder about backpacking through Europe -- visiting Paris and London, etc. I think I'll love Paris. I speak an extremely miniscule amount of French, and the few phrases I can say are not only useless, I butcher them to unrecognizable pieces. I'll have an exciting time in France indeed. Maybe I'll practice by visiting French-speaking portions of Canada. The Congo came to mind, but I really don't want to get shot anytime soon, so ... Well, it's dream time for me. Bye for now.

Are You There God?

2004-11-04T21:26:00.000-08:00

I seem to have proven something. If god exists, then he is a benevolent one, although quite mischievous.

I have good news. I got a letter from the nursing department at my school (already -- I thought it would be next week!). It says,

"Unfortunately, your name did not place very high on the list of students from the enrollment process. However, I would like to offer an alternative option to you. At the start of each term we admit several students as alternates. These students register for and complete Winter Session nursing classes ... IF the alternate is successful with these classes and IF, due to attrition of regularly admitted students, there are seats available, the alternate is able to progress as a regular student into Spring Session classes [...] IF the alternate is successful, but there are no seats available at the time, he or she is guaranteed admission with the next class (Fall 2005)."

Well, I think that explains it all. It isn't the best thing that could have happened (I could have gotten in straight without the mess of being an alternate) but I am guaranteed a spot for the Fall semester, so with almost 100% certainty, I will graduate in either two years or two and half years maximum. Of course I've already pondered all the possible bad things that can happen. Actually, at this point, there aren't too many, but if my visa application is rejected/denied, then I can possibly face deportation and all that good stuff. Good times, I tell you. Talk about worrying. But among factors that I have some control over, there isn't much. I am almost as happy as I was when I first got that CSULA (humph!) letter, but I'm trying to keep the excitement down. I did hug my mom about three times.

So yay. Yay. YAY. YAY. YAY!!

I am going to be a nurse, and I'm going to apply for a green card and get a well-paying job, and I'll probably be able to vote in the 2016 presidential election (I will be 36 years old then, but I'll lie about my age and pretend that I'm 26 or something) and I'll become a citizen and be able to visit my motherland (Korea) and see my dad for the first time in a decade and maybe even accomplish that long lost dream of back-packing through Europe, and get my bachelor's degree and go on to graduate school before my hair starts graying, and I'll get to buy the pretty house in the suburbs/country that I always wanted to buy for my mother and get a car that I actually like (not something that was defaulted onto me) and become famous and be really well-educated and perhaps be the first member of my family on either side to go to graduate school and never ever have to worry about immigration ever again and never ever ever ever EVER EVER work in a cell phone store again and be eternally happy forever and ever (redundant?) and ever after. Talk about rambling.

....yay!

Where can a girl get a drink at 10 AM?

2004-11-04T09:35:00.000-08:00

I hate to start talking about politics again, but I have to. I saw parts of the concession speech as well as the Bush speech in class this morning. Kerry's speech was eloquent as usual -- flawlessly executed, and obviously well-rehearsed. Bush, obviously hadn't memorized the thing and was stuttering in parts as usual. Geez. There was also some sort of blooper thing on MSNBC where funny bits from each campaigns were shown. Politicians are funny.

I'm glad we get so much exposure to politics in class, but the instructor is so clearly biased, it's not funny at all. He's an obvious liberal, and constantly "teaches" things that have an obvious liberal twist. Now, I'm no fan of Bush, but I want a good well-rounded education -- not an instructor who's going to teach us of his political view point and pass it off as being neutral. I am so angered everytime he makes such a comment -- he goes out of his way to disprove that there is a liberal bias in the media, and that Ann Coulter is wrong. I just roll my eyes and pray that the hour passes quickly and painlessly.

In other personal news: I can't write a novel. It's just too hard, and I'm not meant to write a novel, and I can't even write a crappy one. I sat there for about half an hour for some inspiration to strike, and NOTHING. I'm trying to write about things that are familiar to me -- being woman, being a twenty-something, being a student, etc. But obviously I really don't know anything about being me. Fourth day into the month, and I have 400 words. Wow. 46000 words more to go! I don't think I'll ever have a novel -- a short story at best, and even that won't be any good. I'm beginning to feel that I was not meant to write fiction. Either that, or I've been spending too much living inside a box that I can't think outside of that box.

Living life in the real world is like living in a cube. (I thought of this while watching the Simpsons last night, when Homer goes 3D in one of their Treehouse of Horror episodes.) You have to meet all the corners and stay within bounds to survive. You have to conform. Do the 9-5 or 10-7 (in my case) and get a degree. You have to make money and write checks to pay the bills, and never spend over your budget. You have to eat a certain amount and physically move a certain amount and watch some TV and etc. You have to live like you're programmed! And I've been doing that for so long, all creativity is drained out from me. When was the last time I drew something? Last time I painted (I am the most horrible painter, by the way)? When was the last time I danced in my room half-naked and freaked out my cat? I've cast out creativity from my life and I'll never write my crappy novel. November isn't really an inspiring month. It seems like a bad idea to procrastinate writing 50000 words -- it's not like I can write that many words over ThanksGiving! Quitting promptly might be the most gracious way to exit. I don't know. I mean, I've got a great working title (secret for now) and a great opening.

Of course I'm not feeling creative. How can one feel creative when a statistic exam looms next week, as well as a political science exam, and the nursing department's letter next week? I've got too much on my plate. I can't take 15 units of school and work 35 hours a week and write a novel. It's just not possible. One classmate asked (when I told her I work nearly full time and take 15 units), "so when do you sleep?" And I thought about it, and it was weird. I'm sleepy almost all the time, and yawning throughout the day. Sure I spend a good chunk of hours sleeping, but am I ever rested? I'm always so tense.

I've got this knot in my shoulders that I've had for years now. They just don't go away. I'm always standing on my toes, because I have to be on standby. It's like... like I'm juggling, and every so often, someone throws in another ball for me to juggle, and if I miss a beat, I'll drop everything. I guess you could say that I began juggling when I turned 18, and each year I get another ball added in to my juggling act. There's one ball I've managed to drop and let go (for the sake of preserving all else in my life) and that's probably dating. When was the last time I had a boyfriend? It's a shame that I can keep a blog longer than I can keep any man. Not that this fact says anything about me, just that it's not a time for romance. Romance needs time. I don't have much time. I'M BUSY.

I'll admit it. I'm busy. How much time are you supposed to devote to "fun/leisure" activities? I have no time for fun/leisure, so I make school my "fun/leisure" activity. That's how bad the situation is. And the little time I have left, I spend watching DVD's on my couch, and perhaps that is my only time "off."

This morning, I gave myself the dreaded pep talk. It's a heightened level of pep talk, kind of like a drill sargent's speech, actually. I woke up late -- hence I was late for class. While sitting in the car, I yelled at myself that if I can't manage to make it on time to an 8:30 AM class (which isn't even that early!) then I can't do crap in life. I've already accepted the fact that my life is full of adversaries and rough terrains. The secondary steps to follow is that if I understand the turmoils of my life and accept it, and if I still want to overcome all of it to achieve greatness, I'm going to have to do more work and work harder. And I haven't quite gotten to that step yet, I guess.

I need to get up earlier. I need to exercise more (I've got a poochie belly and I'm exercising about once every two months and it's taking a toll on my health) and read more. I mean, some people get up at 5 AM, run two, three miles, read the paper and have breakfast and still make it to work on time. Me? I roll off my bed much later than 5AM (I wake up late -- at an hour almost embarrassing to reveal) and barely wipe off the eye-crusties and brush my teeth before heading out the door to work. I read the paper at the end of the day, and that's something I was taught to be useless. By the end of the day, so much has already happened and yesterday's news are totally worthless. That's my father's view, anyway, and I've come to accept it. There's reason why the paper comes so early in the morning and not at 3 in the afternoon through the post man.

So I yelled at myself. Either expect to work harder and be tougher (i.e. not give into pressing that snooze button) or be content with the current status quo of my life (i.e. the status of being absolutely nothing). I'm not about to opt for the latter. So "work harder" it is.

After that pep talk, I'm going to need a drink. I don't care if it's before noon. Man, I can't believe I have to step into statistics class in 10 minutes. You don't suppose that the school has a full-service bar, do you? I could really go for a bloody mary, with an extra dash of Tobasco and an extra shot of vodka. (Homer Simpson impersonation) Mmmmmm~~~ numbing myself with alcohol~~~~ Mmmmm~~~

Moving On...

2004-11-03T21:03:00.000-08:00

I signed up for Blogexplosion.com. It's simple -- it gives you more blogs to look at, and it exposes your blog to a bigger audience. And I must have gone through about 30-40 or so blogs today. (You have to spend a minimum of 30 seconds per blog.) And most of them, and I mean most of them (approximately 70-80%) had posts about the election. Bush this, Kerry that. And I've decided that I don't want to be blogging about the same thing that everyone else is blogging already. So I'm moving on.

There's a whole slew of movies I'm eager to see. The upcoming holiday season (oh jolly, it's the holidays again ((note: sarcasm -- I hate the holidays))) has plenty of movies to offer for movie-watchers. There's Alexander -- the great Macedonian King. Colin Farrel (Or feral, which suits him) plays Alex, and Angelina Jolie his mother, and it just sounds like a good movie that could actually be totally botched. Oh wait. I'm supposed to be talking about good movies that I want to see. Ok. Point noted. Moving on.

The Incredibles. Whenever I see a commercial for this film, I always read to myself in a rather stout voice, "Los increh-EE-blehs!" as if it were Spanish for some reason. It sounds much better than the incredibles. But I love all of Pixar's stuff, and I'm so sad that they're splitting with Disney -- it just seemed like a magical combination, but we'll see.

Alfie. I honestly haven't heard too much about the film, but I love Jude Law. Isn't he a doll? So gorgeous. Excuse me while I wipe my saliva off my keyboard! But you could just stare at him and drool for hours. His facial structure must have been chiseled in by some marvelous sculptor. He's beautiful. It's men like Jude Law that makes me feel like a teenager again, as I clasp my hands toward my heart and fall into bed whimpering, "oh my god I love him so!" I am quite level headed most of the time, but sometimes I just let my conscience go. I think it keeps me sane to go berserk once in a while.

What woman doesn't like Bridget Jones? I love most that Bridget weighs a good healthy 20 lbs more than the meagre figure of Renee. She's the woman who vocalized granny-pants -- I mean, women have granny undergarments for a reason! Many reasons, in fact: for one thing, they're awfully comfortable; secondly, they hold everything in so well; and they're definitely warmer in winter -- beats wearing thongs! I think until Bridget Jones' Diary, women were afraid of admitting that they had granny underwear. Women out there! Boldly declare your undergarments! I don't know about all you skinny bitches out there (am I allowed to say that?) but no skimpy lacy thing from Victoria's Secret is going to hold up everything in place impeccably -- at least not on my "fat" day. The gal formerly known as my best friend didn't own any pair of underwear that wasn't fashionable. But she was my height 5'6" and less than 120 lbs (in the vicinity of 115) so there wasn't much to hold in place. Perhaps this is just womenspeak, but thongs are not the greatest 100% of the time. One word -- wedgie. Yowzah.

And who doesn't like Tom Hanks. I love Tom Hanks. If I was willing to marry, it would be to marry him. Or at least someone like him. He's such a .... everyday man, but has extraordinary charisma. And he seems like a sweetie pie. Or at least his roles make us believe it. I loved him since "Bosom Buddies." Anyone remember that? The only film I didn't like with Hanks is "Saving Private Ryan." I remember that film. I watched with a boy -- a boy I had the biggest crush on when I was 18. He loved the film and a lot of other people did too, but I just didn't get what the whole deal was. I spent 3 hours watching a single man get rescued..? War makes no sense to me at all. And it didn't help that the boy dumped me even before we got to know each other well. Is that possible at all? To dump someone before even knowing them? Basically, as we got closer and hung out more often and spent night after night talking on AIM, he laid down the law. He said that he wanted to date someone who shared his same beliefs, namely God. That wouldn't be the first time God came in the way of my budding relationships, but I didn't know it then. Even my friends couldn't break it to me. He liked me (or he didn't dislike me, whichever) but he liked god more, obviously. Pity. I was depressed for eons. He went on to law school and dated some gal in Stockton and he drove back and forth to see her, and my heart was broken into smithereens and let's get back to movies because I'm obviously blabbering on and on and digressing big time. I just can't seem to focus on anything these days.

I definitely want to see "The Grudge." No photos -- I think everyone saw enough of that little boy anyway. Since I saw the Japanese version, I would like to see the US version and give a nice compare and contrast entry for my blog. But yanno, you just can't go see that kind of movie by yourself. When I realized that I'd ~~hate men forever~~ be single for a very long time, I told myself that I must be independent. That is, of course, not to say that I leeched off of men, but simply that I must learn how to entertain myself. Not have to wait for a man to take me to the movies to watch a movie. And a few times, I've actually seen some movies, all by my lonesome in theatres. It's a horribly courageous thing to do, I think. But a horror movie, I definitely have to see it with someone, man or woman. It's a horror movie. You're supposed to enjoy the thrill and the horror. Not literally get scared senseless and walk out alone from the theatre and run to the car in fear. Well, I digress again, but under current circumstances, I may have to resort to waiting it to come out on DVD.

I also saw the commercial for "Saw." I don't know what it is, but it seems alright. Came out on Halloween, and featured screaming people. Nice. Again, this may have to wait until it comes out on DVD.

You know what? I just realized that I am utterly, utterly lonely! It's gotten worse and worse since my bestfriend went MIA/AWOL/disappeared into thin air. Most of my friends have paired up and are awfully busy with husbands and boyfriends and girlfriends and babies and businesses. Maybe I'll make like Geppetto and carve a figure out of wood and... oh never mind.

Bush Wins

2004-11-03T11:01:00.000-08:00

Re-entered on Blogger due to technical difficulties:

I know I just posted about three minutes ago, but I just got this in! Very close, and exciting, all the way to the finish line. ---------------------------- Originally blogged at 8:30 AM November 3, 2004

It's Not Over Until the Fat Lady Sings

2004-11-03T10:59:00.000-08:00

"The legal equivalent of the Bat Signal has just gone up from Cleveland," writes Keith Olbermann. "The Kerry Campaign isn't going to concede until the last lawyer is spent in Ohio."

Well, it seems like Bush has all but declared victory. I've actually gotten up early and retrieved the paper (before neighbor gets a swipe at it) and scanned it. Frontpage in large letters, "Ohio Up for Grabs; Bush Has Slim Lead" and below it in slightly smaller letters, "In heavy turnout, California OKs stem cell initiative." I suppose we all win some and then lose some.

The voters who voted in California yesterday know, that if all they followed were the presidential campaign, they were not qualified to cast a vote on the plethora of other propositions and measures slammed in their face on the ballot. Proposition 66 (the repealing of The Three Strikes Law) did not pass; Three Strikes still hold. Stem Cell research, as stated in the LA Times, did pass in California. And in 11 other states, gay marriage is now banned! So election time is not only to vote for the guys in office, but also some of the actual laws that affect the citizens and the residents and the aliens (let's not forget the aliens, hmmm?).

Blogger is currently doing something weird -- the sign-in page seems to have been altered/re-designed, and as everytime they do this, the pages are not loading, so I am attempting to e-mail this post in, and who knows how long that takes/if it gets posted at all. So let me give the actual time of blogging: Currently 8:23 AM on November 3, 2004.

Insert Jeopardy Theme Song Here

2004-11-02T23:29:00.000-08:00

Oh my. Ohio may decide the outcome of election 2004. Wow. Is this really true democracy at work here? It is so darn close, and the day is almost over (the day is already over in most of the country!). It looks like the GOP is a majority in the Senate again. Bush is likely to win, but Ohio seems to be the iffy case.

I barely got through class because I was so anxious to see who'd win, although I knew that no answer would be available anytime soon. Most of my classmates ran out during break and got updates with the numbers hot off the press (so to speak). I have a gut feeling that Bush will win but again with a small margin -- I don't think we'll have the same fiasco as we did in 2000. But if Ohio is the new Florida, I honestly don't know. But it is a shame that we have to put on another charade for the world to laugh at. The good thing is, I think a lot of people learned a lesson from 2000 -- a definitely higher voter turnout and record number of new registrants. How I wish I were one. This is what the election looks like now (from Yahoo!):

If you count the electoral votes from each swing state that's still swingin' you'd realize that Ohio becomes a crucial state -- it has the highest number of electoral votes among the states that are left in election limbo.

The election comes to me at a time that I am studying Shakespearean history plays, namley, Richard III and Henry V. I have a research paper regarding Shakespeare's Richard III, in which I have to compare him to another person in history with comparable merits and vile cruelty. So far, I've got Brutus (you know, et tu Brute), and Nero, and possibly Bloody Mary. It doesn't have to be a King/Queen/Emperor/Empress, but any sort of person who gained a position of power by doing evil deeds (like Richard III who killed his brothers and nephews to get to the throne). If anyone has a suggestion, I'd appreciate it! But it's also important to note that history repeats itself, and while Shakespeare has dramatized Richard III in his play for obvious reasons, characters like Richard III are abundant in history. Hitler, is an obvious one, as well as Stalin, and Hussein. (I am trying to stay away from the too obvious/popular choices in my own paper.)

Anyone who knows me also knows that I am a sucker for the Romans and Greeks. Their art, their architectures, their gods, their mythology, their history, their generals and wars and empires -- I just love it. Of course, it isn't something I've been studying all my life. It seems as though there's always something new to learn. Last semester, I had the opportunity to take art history and learn all about prehistoric to middle ages art, which included a large chunk of Greek and Roman art. I loved the stuff so much, it felt weird to get a grade for it! I needed no other reward than the actual learning.

I am also learning, with great fascination, English history. I've had the opportunity to learn so much about the monarchs -- I'm almost down to learning who each were and who are children of whom and what family and what order and so on. English courses I've concentrated on so far only go up to the Restoration period, so after that point I am a bit hazy, but I'm pretty well-learned from William the Conqueror to about Charles II. And the history of the English crown is so juicy, you wouldn't believe it. It's better than reading the tabloids (and guilt-free too!). What I really don't like in history are wars and battles. I recall learning the Civil War (US) battle sites in my history classes, and who won which battle, and that was just a bore! Clearly, wars are of no interest to me.

My English professor tonight went waaaaaay off on a tangent from discussing Henry V, and talked on and on about other things. One of them was the story of how he met his wife. My English professor is 62 years of age, and is both a US citizen and a English royal subject. He spent his childhood and youth, it seems, in England and went to college in the states. He met his wife in Paris during the intermission of an opera when he was 18, and she, 17. He told us the lovely and romantic story of how they met and married, and it was just the sweetest story I've heard (in real life)! It would do no justice to yap on and on about it on my blog -- I'd have to take more care to re-tell that story, but it just isn't something you see these days. Maybe I'll incorporate it into the novel. Ha. Some people are living proofs that romance exists. For me, romance, much like the Holy Grail, is something I constantly seek after, but never find. So it seems. I read in The Da Vinci Code that you don't find the Holy Grail; the Holy Grail finds you. Perhaps the same goes for romance. (It better find me soon, cuz I'm losin' my patience here.)

Welcome Back, Computer

2004-11-02T13:21:00.000-08:00

Welcome back computer. How I have missed thee. I am blogging from my very own computer, now fully functional! (Hopefully, at least for the time being anyways...)

It's the Most Wonderful Time...

2004-11-02T09:38:00.000-08:00

Ok. The title's meant as sarcasm. But isn't it kind of exciting to be faced with the possibility that we may have a new guy in the White House, albeit still a "guy" and still a Yalie? In the 2000 election, I actually liked Bush more than Gore -- I didn't like Gore at all. He didn't seem quite intelligent, and while it's hard to say whose Southern twang made them sound more intelligent, or less stupid (not to offend anyone with a Southern drawl -- they're quite lovely, but these two dudes just sounded redneck), when push came to shove, I would have chosen Bush.

And I was even more split and confused in 1992 -- I didn't like Clinton. He was definitely a redneck -- I mean, literally, his neck was red! And there was something about him that I just didn't like -- I liked his wife, but I just didn't like Bill. And I was right for disliking him. I know everyone talks about the reducing of the national debt and what not when they speak of Bill Clinton's presidency, but all I recall is that his presidency was one of scandals -- scandals that out-scandalled any scandal Tinseltown could ever concoct. I do believe that he had a rather tough time with the whole Lewinsky thing, and that it was a matter of privacy that shouldn't have been opened to the whole world, but he did what he did. He also knew what he was doing, and he did at the most important time of his life, when he was the top guy, leading a nation. That's just undermining the people, if you ask me. But I'm digressing.

This year, I am really, really, liking Kerry, more so than I usually like politicians anyway. I've grown to actually like politicians, not all, but a few -- perhaps I am growing more optimistic. It used to be that I thought all politicians were evil and the devil incarnate and whatnot. But so far, I found that I like Feinstein and Boxer (not so much as politicians, but as women leaders), I even like Ah-nold a little bit (it's not to say that I agree with the things he do, but just pleasantly surprised that he's actually doing a governor's job -- whether it is a better job than Davis or his predecessors, I don't know yet), and I like Kerry. I like Edwards too. Oh wait. Am I forgetting that I can't vote?

Yes, well, even if I can't vote, I can still watch the election coverage as it unravels before the nation's eyes. Let's see: CBS has "Election 2004" all evening, NBC has "Decision 2004: Election Night" and ABC's got "Vote 2004" and Fox has "You Decide 2004" and KCAL has "KCAL News" scheduled all evening, which I can only guess that it would be election coverage. Wow. The WB is resolute in their programming -- they are still showing "Gilmore Girls" and "One Tree Hill" and the rest of their regularly scheduled programming.

I've got class tonight, and since this class was cancelled last week, I doubt we'll be released early. Perhaps by the time I get out of class, the world would know. Or perhaps, in another couple of days -- give or take a month. (That's my sense of humor for y'all)

In other news -- more personal news -- the fan has arrived. What fan, you ask? Well, it's highly unlikely that I'd buy a fan (just as November starts!). The fan on my computer was not spinning, and it was causing my computer to over-heat. That's the culprit behind the funky smell coming from my room whenever my computer was on. My brother says that there could possibly be damage to the computer itself because of the over-heating (i.e. physical melt-down) but we're replacing the fan first and seeing how it goes. I hope my computer hasn't melted. Goodness, I hope not. But the fan is here and soon as it is installed, I'll know if I can have my old computer back. And I'll take better care of it -- and dust it once in a while. You wouldn't believe the amount of dust there was inside!

And the laser printer I ordered is coming today. UPS delivery. Yay!

I had to skip a lot of classes lately -- once I took a personal day (if schools allow their students personal days...) and took some time recuperating from the mess that shall forever be known as CSULA. Then I missed two more classes when I had to go to the nursing program's information session (by the way, they'll be sending out acceptance/rejection letters this Friday -- a girl can hope, can't she?) and stuff like that. So I've got a lot of absenses totalling up this month -- I better stay focused. I really don't think I can manage a 4.0 this semester -- the stress is a bit heavier, and I'm taking un-fun classes! I'm hoping for about a 3.5 or so. Sounds reasonable to me anyway.

But the important thing is that the letters from my current school's nursing program will be in my mailbox sometime next week. Perhaps that's even more exciting than who wins tonight's election! I mean, it influences my life like nothing else!

As you can see on the left, I have taken up the challenge of writing 50,000 words in one month. I just wish it could be non-fiction, because then I can go on and on, and I can probably write 50,000 a month! Fiction somehow seems harder. I had a start yesterday, and wrote about 300 words, and went blank. NOT a good sign. I should be averaging about 1667 words a day! Even if I only make it half way, or a third of the way, I'm going to be optimistic; it is indeed a challenge, and it is a good way to exercise my brain and writing skills in attempting to do something I've never done before. Some people go bungy jumping; I'll write a novel (even if it's a crappy one) in a month.

Will We Know Tomorrow?

2004-11-01T11:06:00.000-08:00

Will We Know Tomorrow?

Hear it from the Expert

2004-10-31T11:38:00.000-08:00

Yahoo's Really Scary Movie Guide which features 25 of their selected horror films, is absolutely flawed. It's compiled by people who just doesn't get it! Well, in the spirit of Halloween, I have come up with a few additions on my own -- actually, let's go for the whole list of 25.

I can't believe some movies didn't make the cut! There are a few that deserve to be on the list, but then there are some, like "The Evil Dead" that are just ridiculous excuses for a horror movie.

Here, in no particular order (for me to rank each film based on my rating would take ages -- I'd have to re-watch all of'em and do serious research! So in no particular order it is) are my personal list of 25 horror/scary movies, recommended, not for the faint of heart.

These are the ones that were already on Yahoo!'s list: The Silence of the Lambs Psycho (the original, not the one with Anne Heche, and not to be confused with "The American Psychos" part one or two) Halloween The Texas Chain Massacre (both the old and the new versions are excellent screamers) Misery(Ugh, I am just the biggest number one fan!) The Shining The Ring (or Ringu, the Japanese version -- no offense to Naomi Watts, but the US version just doesn't cut it. The Korean version is not bad either) Poultergeist Nightmare on Elm Street (this film just goes to show that you are never safe, not even in your dreams The Exorcist (this has got to be one of the best films ever) Rosemary's Baby (Love Mia Farrow) The Omen (like The Exorcist, this one is an absolute classic, but it is too bad that the sequels don't quite add up) Carrie The Blair Witch Project (This one's kind of iffy -- I left the theatre with a massive headache, and there was really only one or two moments where I felt terrorized -- magnitude of fear wasn't too great) The Thing The Jaws Series (to this day I can't swim in the deep end of the pool) Hellraiser The Birds

So that's 18 from the list that I actually like. Here's seven of my own pickin's (you'll see that I tend to stick with a series of film that just seem to work):

All the Halloween series, not just the first one: You just can't go wrong with a classic that just works and works. Except for Halloween 3 which actually has nothing to do with the rest of the series, they're all brilliant. Each movie ends with a notion that Michael Myers is dead, only to show in the next scene that he's just not quite ready to go. And let's not forget that eerie music. (My current ringtone, by the way) Just LOVE John Carpenter.

Friday the 13th: Jason Voorhee is very much like Michael Myers. You can stab him, shoot him, scratch him, but he just keeps coming back. His weapon of choice is a rather blunt, but polished machete, but he gets by pretty well with axes and knives and stuff like that. He differs from Mike in that he wears a hockey mask, while Mike just likes white foundation/makeup. I wonder how Mike manages to keep his make up so shine free during his slashings.

Of course, along with these, I'd have to add the Nightmare on Elm Street series. These three are probably the big three godfathers of the horror film world. Michael, Jason, and Freddy. Probably sounds like your neighborhood gang of tykes, but no. Ruthless killing machines makes for great entertainment.

Pet Semetary. A Pet Lover's ultimate horror movie. Stephen King wrote it -- what else can one say? It is actually one of the few King novels I've read. And loved. The sequel, not so good, though.

Child's Play: All movies in the Child's Play series are excellent. Chuckie made me fear my stuffed animals. Chuckie made me look under my bed. I can't believe this didn't make it in the top 25 as catagorized by Yahoo. They must be high, not to realize that this closely follows the aforementioned godfathers of the horror film world.

Leprechauns. I know a lot of people don't really like this film, but this is my blog and I LIKE this film. I mean, who would've thunk it? Evil Leprechauns? I love the little guys.

Ju-On. The US version was just released in theatres earlier this month, titled as "The Grudge." I'm judging from the US adaptation of "The Ring" -- I don't think it would do justice to the original. But I'll hold further criticism until I actually see it. But I'm not too excited to see it -- I saw the original and recognized its serene artful-ness in its execution -- I don't know if a US version can live up to the expectations. But the Japanese version is just splendid.

Well, that just about sums it up. I have not included other films currently considered to be classics, like the Evil Dead (1 & 2) and Night of the Living Dead, because they're really really sad movies. I saw the Evil Dead part one just last month, and was laughing so hard that I nearly snorted up the beverage I had been drinking. I mean, the guy (human guy!) just attaches a chain saw onto his newly amputated arm! How is that even possible? And they're just so funny. Dancing trees? Come on. It's a B, or perhaps even a C movie at best. They're in a genre all on their own, just not a horror/scary movie genre. It's not to say that they're not worth seeing -- I think every scary movie fan should watch it, as a measure of humility, to be thankful for the fabulous set of great horror movies we have access to today.

Have a happy Halloween -- but above all, everyone be safe! The ending of Day Light Savings means darkness will fall earlier -- be home early. And don't eat candy with torn/open wrappers. And run if some neighbor drops a bunch of syringes into your trick-of-treat bag. In some states, like VA, people with a record of rape, sexual assault, child molestation, and etc. are required to leave their porch lights off and not to answer the door to trick or treaters. So don't go there! The article didn't say anything about mass murders or devil worshippers though...

ÀÏ ÇÏ±â ½È´Ù~

2004-10-30T14:48:00.000-07:00

ÀÏ ÇÏ±â ½È´Ù~!

Day One

2004-10-30T13:53:00.000-07:00

If you watch TV at all, you might have seen the television commercial, announcing the official merging of AT&T Wireless and Cingular Wireless. A couple of days ago, I received training/info material regarding the merge and how to deal. Much like the WLNP (Wireless and Landline Number Portability) situation from last November, this is also likely to cause havoc.

The material I received is titled, "Merger Fundamentals: Game Plan and Playbook for Distribution Partners: Agents." It is in the Cingular color of neon orange. Each section contains three parts: Closing Day to Day One; Day One; and Day One and Beyond, each of these three sections apply to things like upgrade processing and new activations and number ports.

Of course, they neglected to state when exactly Day One would be. I mean, shouldn't it be written in a large bold font somewhere, like on the COVER? I wasn't too thrilled about the content either -- non of it was very eye catching. This is how I read it: "blah blah blah blah blah..." Dull.

I am in a very ill mood. Can you tell? It is that time of the month again -- the end of the month where I have to do all my paper-filing for submissions. It is the time for papercuts. I'd rather stare at paint cracking off the wall than do actual work. Although I'm not as despondent as I expected (after the falling through the CSULA situation), I am not fully recovered/immune from/to the emotional turmoil. I've been late to work everyday this week! Usually a couple of minutes is forgiven, but this week, I've been late more than 10 minutes a day, and on the day it rained, I was half an hour late. And I've been screwing up at work too. I was asked to go to the USPS and ship a package priority with delivery confirmation -- guess what I did? I shipped it priority alright, but forgot the delivery confirmation. Then I had to go back to the post office to get it straightened out and get a delivery confirmation number. Of course before I got out of the car, I left the keys inside and left the engine ON! Thankfully some guy inquired if I was really going to leave my car running like that and walk off.

Maybe I need to go to the hair salon and get a nice hair cut like Tinka to get not only mood elevated, but to get myself sane again. Restore myself to full working order. I'm supposed to be attacking massive piles of paperwork right about now, and I'm just not wanting to tackle them at all.

I've also got dinner with the extended family -- uncle(mother's older brother), grandmother, aunt, cousin, and mom. Also, sometime this month, my uncle(father's younger brother) wants to come to California to talk to us (me and my bro). Usually that's bad news. He seems to think that he is doing his duty as an uncle to offer me advice and consolation and encouragement that I obviously lack because my father's not around, and thinks that he is actually doing something for moi. Well, from my perspective, it seems as though he is doing the "talk" for his own desire to feel like a good uncle -- "I did something wonderful for my niece and nephew." Well, it does crap to me. And he's always talking to me about returning to Korea to live with my father -- "all children should follow their parent." He doesn't understand that it is my father's actions that has caused me to make SoCal my home. I never asked to move across the Pacific! But I am here now and I have been here and I don't know anywhere else. I don't know any other home. And now he wants me to go to Korea? I've told him time after time that I won't go, and that my life will be meaningless (can you say "high unemployment?"). I'm not about to go to Korea to add more misery to my already horrific life. Well, that's enough griping about the extended members of my family. I just hate some of them is all. When I can be fully independent, perhaps I'll never have to speak to them again as long as I live! Hmph!

Every Vote Counts

2004-10-29T17:44:00.000-07:00

But, But...

2004-10-29T15:06:00.000-07:00

Click Here for full article.

WASHINGTON - Labor Department (news - web sites) staff, analyzing statistics from private economists, report in an internal memo that President Bush (news - web sites) is likely to do "much better" in Tuesday's election than the polls are predicting.
Titled "In Focus: Predicting the Election Outcome," the memo says, "Nearly every single model has him winning."
"Some show the margin of victory being smaller than the models' inherent margin of error, while others report the lead as substantial. And this is without the consideration of a third-party candidate."
Bush's win of the popular vote could be 57.5 percent, 55.7 percent or 51.2 percent, said the paper, dated Oct. 22 and prepared by the department's Employment and Training Administration staff for the assistant labor secretary.

But... on Nickelodeon, kids voted to have Kerry as president, and they've been correct in all the previous elections! I don't care what you say. The kids have spoken.

Super Dog to Rescue

2004-10-29T15:00:00.000-07:00

Click Here for full article.

RICHLAND, Wash. - Faith the service dog phoned 911 when her owner fell out of her wheelchair and barked urgently into the receiver until a dispatcher sent help. Then the 4-year-old Rottweiler unlocked the front door so the responding police officer could come in.
[...]
The dog, whose sensitive nose can detect changes in Beasley's body chemistry, is trained to alert her owner to impending seizures before they happen.

So this dog, not only can dial 911 and unlock the door for the police officer, but she can also detect if her owner is about to break into a seizure! She's better than I am! If I were in that situation, I can tell you, I'd be utterly useless. (I'd be the one on the ground, in fetal position, telling myself that this isn't happening.) What a dog. Makes me wonder if my cat would even care if I collapsed on my kitchen floor. I can hear her mewing now: "Aaaaah. Stupid human."

670th Post

2004-10-28T16:32:00.000-07:00

This is my 670th Post. Just thought I should mention that...

I am always surprised at how I kept at it with blogging. I have a high attrition rate -- I like to pick things up and put them down. Cross-stitching, violin, piano, clarinet, aromatherapy candles, learning French (I've been doing that too sporadically to hold onto any French phrases I learn), pilates, and other things. I honestly thought that I'd blog for a while, about two months or so, until I found something else that interested me and I should wane from my blog. But now I'm fairly certain that I will most likely never abandon my blog!

But if I go back and read some of my first posts -- they aren't very reflective of who I am. I didn't write about things that mattered. I originally tried to make this a diary, which to some extent, it still is, but more like a daily log to jot down what I did and what's going on in my life. Well, as it turns out, my life consists of long stretches of mundane-ness, which is only broken into sections by bouts of extreme misfortunes. So writing about my life on a daily basis wouldn't have done much good for my self-esteem and outlook on life.

My brother finally, finally, finally took a good look at my computer. It was filled with dust, but besides that, the fan was not working at all, and my brother said that that heats up the CPU and possibly the CPU can melt! At the current rate, I don't think I'll be doing that NaNo WriMo event. Typing on this so-called "natural" keyboard is just so un-natural. After typing about 200 words, my hands tire out, and it's painful to type. It is not comfortable at all -- I don't see how these people could get away with labeling this keyboard as being ergonomic! I've also had much more typos to deal with. There is no way I'd be typing over a thousand words on this machine. Perhaps I'll take up the challenge in a later month -- perhaps during the long month of January when I won't be in school and will be stuck at work, doing the incredibly boring job I've been doing for the past three years.

But any rate, my computer is being looked at, and I am hoping to have it up and running by mid-November at the very latest, and I'll also have my new laser printer then too. I've decided on the pink iPod Mini -- it is just a matter of building up the enough nerve to place that order. I mean, it's free -- I've earned it through gift cards from work -- but regardless, I am always extremely hesitant to place an order for something so expensive. I just have to calm my nerves long enough to log onto Amazon.com.

I've been mildly depressed this week. It is understandable. But I'm not really one to sulk for too long -- I get tired of that rather quickly as well, just like how I got tired of cross-stitching and blowing on the clarinet. To pick up my mood, I cleaned my room. I cleaned my bathroom as well, and now the bathroom floor is hairless! I am about halfway through cleaning my desk, which is always the most difficult and time-consuming. But it feels good to finally be able to see what color my carpet is.

Last night, I finished "The Other Boleyn Girl." I don't want to ruin the ending for anyone, but Anne Boleyn DIES. She is beheaded. I hope I didn't discourage anyone from reading it (I am joking, of course). Just started on "Fast Food Nation" which I will read along with "The Moor's Last Sigh" (it is my ultimate goal to finish this in 2004). And of course I have to read textbooks for classes, and Henry V by Shakespeare. I've been doing a lot of additional reading about the English monarchy. It's not as long as one would think. The power struggle between the different houses of royalty is actually quite interesting to read about!

I am also close to finishing The Da Vinci Code which I absolutely love, and I am going to buy a copy in Korean for my mother to read. It's so fascinating, and I'm not even a mystery fan! And it involves a lot of art and religion, both which are excellent fields to know more about. After The Da Vinci Code I may have to read Holy Blood, Holy Grail which is supposed to have been a best seller quite a few years ago. Also, Dan Brown's other best seller, Angels & Demons should be interesting to read.

I also attended an information session at the nursing department at my current school this morning. It wasn't too informative -- after all, I am a candidate applying for her fourth time! Not much of the information is new to me. I am still holding out on the verdict of the application situations -- there are two applications yet to be due, and Glendale Community College acceptance/rejection letters will be sent out next Friday. I can still hope, although now, I am ready to receive a crucial blow and still remain sane.

Total Eclipse of the Heart

2004-10-27T21:54:00.000-07:00

Now who remembers that song? I tried to check out the Lunar Eclipse which is supposed to be going on now, but I can't see it. It was hailing a bit earlier today and now it is quite cloudy -- I don't know if the current pitch darkness is caused by the eclipse, or because it is cloudy.

I need to do something about my computer. I think it's been more than two weeks now that it's been dead. I can turn it on, but if I leave it on for too long (i.e. 10 minutes) then it does weird things. I am also in need of a printer. For some reason, my family likes to plow through one printer every two years or so. We've thrown away quite a few already in my lifetime. I want to get one that is durable and economically efficient. Nothing fancy schmancy. I don't need a photoprinter either. Not even a color one. I am thinking of this one: Samsung ML1710. It's only 89 bucks! For a laser printer too.

*Update: I just bought the printer. I got an additional $30 off for using my new Amazon.com visa card! Woohoo! I just bought a color, laser printer for $59 people. (Free shipping courtesy of Amazon!) Nothing gives euphoria better than a bargain. Now I hope this purchase was a good choice...

Now, I've got some homework to do.

When I Grow Up

2004-10-27T21:36:00.000-07:00

Click Here to refresh your memory.

Since my life never turns out the say I planned, I have come up with a plan B of what I'd like to be when I grow up.

I want to be like that lady in the Swiffer Duster commercial. You know, that wacko lady who dusts her house like she's doing aerobics, in tune with the Swiffer song? Yeah. I mean, I think she's on drugs, but at least she's got a clean home, which is more than I can say.

Strange Things

2004-10-27T21:20:00.000-07:00

I got an e-mail today from a former instructor. I had asked her if she'd be willing to write me a letter of recommendation for schools to which I am applying. She wrote me an e-mail saying that the letter is ready.

From: Jane Doe
To: Haemi Lee
Date: Thu, 28 Oct 2004 08:06:24 -0700
Subject: Re: Former Humanities student

Now, you may not think there's anything wrong with this, but there is. You see, today, as far as I'm concerned, and hopefully, as far as the world is concerned, is Wednesday, October 27, 2004. I know because today is Wednesday because I went to work and had no classes. The calendar says that it is the 27th indeed! Also, Usually on gmail, it tells me how long ago the e-mail was sent -- i.e. 5 minutes ago, 4 hours ago, 3 days ago. But it didn't say anything. It just said that this e-mail was sent to me, TOMORROW. Yes. Perhaps I have been in a mental and emotional shock and I haven't recovered from the blow that shall forever be known as CSULA, but did I just received an e-mail from TOMORROW?

I know what you're thinking. I'm NOT THAT DUMB. Please, give me some credit here. Of course I went to Google and checked the settings on the account (which should have been the same since I hadn't changed it and I just used gmail at work without problems!). Then I went and checked the date/time on this computer (mom's comp). Everything is normal. I am in the PST timezone. IT IS STILL WEDNESDAY! IT IS STILL OCTOBER 27TH. Why am I getting e-mails from tomorrow?

MoBlog Thing Configured

2004-10-27T17:09:00.000-07:00

After seeing it on a couple of blogs, I decided to get my own MoBlog feature. You can see a random selection of the photos that I would take and upload to Flickr.com, my chosen provider for this Moblog thing. Of course, knowing me, I'd had to shop around for the Moblog that would be best for me (it's kinda weird using the term "shop" when all these services are free!). Then it took a few days to figure out how to place it on my blog -- a random image on my blog, anyways.

For some odd reason, Flickr.com calls the generation of the little images (see left for image) a "badge." When they said "create a badge," I didn't know what it was, but assumed that it would be like a bumpersticker for a webpage, i.e., advertisement/banner advertising their service. But it's actually just your own photos. Hmm. Well, it's done. I will try to get more image on -- right now it's mostly some random images I had on ripway.com and images from my Washington DC trip.

Gilmore Girls

2004-10-26T21:05:00.000-07:00

I'm not ashamed to say it. Gilmore Girls is one of my favorite TV shows. It's a very unrealistic show, but I love it.

First of all, people don't talk that fast. And if they do talk fast, they can never be so witty and talk so fast. It's just not humanly possible! I find myself needing just about an extra second or two after each dialogue to register what the characters said. But when I do get it, it's just so funny.

Secondly, there is no way in hell that a 16-year old can give birth and raise her child by herself, and still look remarkably polished and speak so articulately. It is also impossible that this said woman can establish herself and make enough money to buy a two story house in a picturesque neighborhood. And what are the odds that her child is not only perfectly behaved, but also Valedictorian of her prestigious college prep high school and accepted to Yale?

But those are the things that makes the show attractive. It's kind of like fantasy world.

I am in a surprisingly good mood, considering. Perhaps it is enhanced by the lovely bouts of rain, as well as the night class being cancelled. I had some time to do some shopping. Shopping is sooooooooooo therapeutic. I bought a lip liner and lip stick, so that I can look even more fabulous after I look great after my diet (be gone, corpulent tummy!). Also, I bought some fragrant, aromatherapy oils to use in my room so that I can mentally stay sane through this ordeal. Kiwi-melon, exotic, and papaya. Shopping makes me happy.

Now I am going to watch another movie -- Rosemary's Baby. And my evening will be complete. Melodic rain drops outside, shopping, TV, and horror movie. Rosemary's Baby is actually first DVD in my line-up of horror movies, in time for Halloween. Satanic baby, here I come.

When I Grow Up

2004-10-26T21:02:00.000-07:00

I found out what I wanted to be when I grow up.

I decided that I want to be like the women on tampon commercials. Tampon commercials on TV always feature women who are having the time of their lives -- working hard and getting recognition in their field, swimming and looking fab in a bikini (as though a tampon can cause PMS to vanish without a trace), doing ballet, playing tag football with hot-looking men and adorable dogs, and always looking so happy. So that's what I want to be when I grow up.

Supah Dupah Size Me

2004-10-26T20:56:00.000-07:00

I saw Supersize Me. UGH! I am never ever ever ever going to Mickey D's again! And I am going on a diet. Now, don't y'all get your panties in a bunch. I am still going to be a nurse someday, and I am never going to allow myself to knowingly cause harm to my own body. When I say that I am going to diet, I mean that I will try to eat good food -- not so processed, whole grains and veggies, plenty of water. Cut down on sugar and fat -- this shouldn't be too hard, since I am taking a course in nutrition. Also exercise more than once every three months. And try my best to keep myself away from the vile filth known as fast food restaurants. UGH. I'll just say one comment about the film -- I saw vomited up quarter pounder with cheese, and it was not pretty.

Simmering

2004-10-26T09:34:00.000-07:00

In the words of Sheri Oteri, I have "Simmer Down Now." I don't know how I could have survived last night without the quart of chocolate ice cream in my freezer. Thank goodness for chocolate ice cream!

I am getting really tired of one of my instructors. I honestly think that he likes to hear himself talk and it makes him feel important. If students are just listening to him, he says, "I honestly don't know how you guys are going to take the final. You should be taking notes." He expects his students to dote on each and every word, recording them down in notes in detail. He also goes out of his way to prove that the media is not liberally biased, and that Ann Coulter is wrong. Hmm. I am not quite sure that everything we are learning in class is sticking to the class descriptions as stated in the college catalogue. He also lost my exam (thus delaying my score) and he said that it was probably in another pile of exams. It turned out to be true, and he did find the exam later, but he failed to apologize for the error. It didn't turn out to be a grave mistake, but if he hadn't found it, it would have caused some serious problems. Well, that's that. And I'm not in a good mood, although not quite as ranting and raving like last night, so I'm not going to be kind in my criticisms of anything.

I am rather late to be searching for additional schools to apply to -- especially for the winter/spring semesters. Perhaps for next fall, which means I will be delaying my education for yet another semester. I have vowed to myself to remain a cynic until proven (PROVEN, not persuaded) otherwise. I am reminded of Murphy's Law. That is the only law that runs my life -- anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Yep. What can I do about it? Nothing. I'll just have to live with it. (Sigh) Anyone wanna trade lives?

Momentary Bliss

2004-10-25T22:19:00.000-07:00

The euphoria, resulting from my acceptance to Cal State LA has dissolved. Fizzled. Collapsed. What can I say? The cynical side of my brain is telling me: "I told you so." I was wrong to give into what the optimistic side of my heart would have me believe. I had been living in dream land -- lala land, and now I'm back to reality.

The nursing department at CSULA operates much like the one at my current school. They don't do a lottery, but they only select 50 students each fall. Only the ones with the best applications will be received -- high GPA in prereq's, high overall GPA, most quality volunteer experiences/high number of hours spent volunteering/health occupational experience, and so on and so forth. My overall GPA is adequate, but my GPA in the prereq's are not too great (I completed my prerequisites when I wasn't a fully committed student), and because I've been working more than full-time while carrying a full-time class load, I haven't had a chance to volunteer at all.

Even if I were to have hopes (which would be ridiculously naive of me to do so), but nursing program begins in the fall, and you are expected to graduate in three years. Not three years or less, but three years. I am assuming it is because of Calif's financial situation (cutting down of classes, cutting instructors, etc.) -- there just won't be room for everyone to take all the classes they should each semester. Since I have been accepted for the Winter semester, that means even if I am to get into the nursing program on my first attempt, it would be three and half years minimum before I graduate. Prospects are grim. I can't be going to a 4 year university full time for three and half years without working (nursing program is still rigorous and students are not expected to work).

Doesn't life just SUCK? I am recalling a line from the British sitcom, "Couplings": "I am Sally Harper, and there is nothing in my life too good that I can't screw it up." well, I'm feeling a bit like Sally Harper right now. Except that episode ended on a happy note. Mine's ending in a rather sad note. A dumpy note. I feel dumped. I feel duped. Life's double-crossed me. It's played a dirty trick on my situation.

I have no urgent need to contemplate about graduate school, as I won't be going in the near future. I am back to where I was before, utterly lost without hope. All I can say is, I should have seen it coming. I was too happy. The emotion "happy" doesn't belong in my life. "Content" maybe, but not happy. Not elated. Not joyful. I should have known when I felt so happy that I was walking in uncharted territory -- territory that would never be part of my life. That's just the way it is. I am doomed. My fate is to be the most wretched being on the face of this planet, and that is one goal I've reached over and over. If you ask me, I've outdone myself over and over in being the most wretched soul one can imagine. It wouldn't have been so bad if my life was just this horrible thing; it is much worse when life keeps throwing a false sense of hope in your way. It's like a carrot on a stick -- only every time you reach for the carrot, you are severely beaten with the stick.

No words of pity can console me. Nobody can pat me on the back and say "there, there -- good things will come your way, you'll see." I am Haemi Lee, and nothing good comes my way. Maybe I should get comfy with Harold Kushner -- "When Bad Things Happen to Good People." (The Book of Job, is the book I absolutely despise, actually, but we'll talk religion when I'm feeling not so damned.) If there is god(s), then he is an evil one. I absolutely refuse to accept that my immense grief is part of some marvelous plan.

I should have seen it coming -- but no. I let my guard down and became openly happy, and I let it hit me with my guards down. I wasn't prepared to accept the ill-news. I wasn't ready. Like Pearl Harbor. Like 9-11.

This really gets me to a point where I have to start thinking about what the meaning of my life is. I am living in a country where I'm not accepted and I'm not wanted. I can't work legally. I can't do anything I want because everything and anything I want to do is somehow blocked from my reach. I'm poor. I have so much potential but none of it will ever see the light. I can't even add advertisements by Google to my blog because I am not allowed to earn money, however small. I can't go back to Korea, because that would be like moving to a foreign land. A vast majority of college graduates are unemployed -- what would I be able to do? Work at one of the Wal-Marts?

I hate the fact that I have this life. I hate the fact that I am powerless to change it. I hate the fact that I am so gifted and talented with so much potential, but I have no reason to hope. I hate that I am such an optimistic person and I keep on hoping, as though the act of hoping would bring positive prospects. I hate that my life is full of false sense of possibilities, like mirages. I hate that I can't have a normal life. I hate that I've tasted so much of the fine things in life that I can never ever go back to being insignificant.

But above all this, the absolute worst part of it was that I had to tell my mother. My poor mother. Oh Mother. Why did you give birth to your source of sadness?

Mundane Monday?

2004-10-25T16:43:00.000-07:00

Click here for the NY Times Article!

Boy, am I late into reading up on the news! Japan had a rough shake-down by an earthquake, magnitude 6.8, and again this morning (Monday) with an aftershock of 5.8.

This isn't a tale from a faraway land -- it is easily a story that could happen to us, here in California/west coast. Nature is wrathful -- we are at her mercy. Humility comes to mind.

In other news, I am trying to set up some sort of thing called "moblog." Taking photos with mobile phone and getting it uploaded onto my blog. Working on it.

Sorry to be so quick and brief, but I have to get out from work in a minute or two -- gotta go to class!

Some Frightful Words

2004-10-24T19:25:00.000-07:00

Here are some frightful words, just in time for Halloween! Interesting phobias you don't normally hear about!

Nyctophobia -- fear of the dark or night.

Coulrophobia -- fear of clowns.

Emetophobia -- fear of vomiting.

Triskaidekaphobia -- fear of the number 13.

Thanatophobia -- fear of death or dying.

Necrophobia -- fear of death or dead things.

Arachibutyrophobia -- fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. (Reminds me of the "Got Milk?" commercial with the dog eating peanut butter!)

Glossophobia -- fear of speaking in public or trying to speak.

Ophidiophobia -- fear of snakes.

Kathisophobia -- fear of sitting down.

And here is an ironic one --

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia -- fear of long words.
So if you have this phobia, you can't even say the name of your own phobia!

And last but not least, let's give credit where it's due:

Samhainophobia -- fear of Halloween!