Lose Yourself

Lose Yourself

I'm no fan of rap music, but I've always enjoyed Eminem. This is one song that I particularly like: It's titled "Lose Yourself."

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

[...]

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

It's true. You only get one shot at life. Imagine yourself a member of the Lakers, during their final game. You only get that one game. Lose it, and you lose the championship. You only get one chance, and it's not really something you can revise and do-over. So is life.

We do many crazy things in life. I've done many in my own life, some I regret, some I learned from, and a few I'm proud of. One of my biggest fears, however, is to wake up one morning when I'm old and wrinkly, to find that my life wasn't lived as I wanted it to be lived. When I'm 70 years old and realize that I've done life all wrong... what can I do? Thankfully, I am young. I am 23 (soon 24 -- too soon), and have nearly half a century before I hit 70, or at least half a century to live out my life. If there is no such thing as destiny and fate, can I really live my life in the way that I would like?

And if that is possible, how exactly, do I want my life to be lived? I don't quite know, but I'll need to find out. It may change over the years, but at least knowing what it is at that moment will suffice. At least for the time being. If I wake up one morning when I am indeed old and hag-like, and realize that I've spent my life just doing some 9-5 job running the rat race, I know I'll be pulling out my hair and scream like nobody's business.

I am very unlike my peers my age, in that I am very anxious about time. Most youth feel as though time is on their side, and use it to their advantage. Perhaps fate has in store for me an early death which I am anticipating through anxiety. But I'm not like most youth -- in fact, I consider myself to be very old mentally. Most of the people I know honestly believe that my mindset is in its late 30's or possibly early 40's, because I don't possess that inner zeal for living life on the wild side and etc. I plan too much. I think of myself a victim of my circumstance, and perhaps that's true. What is really true is that I'm not like most people. I'm unique. I will demand more from my life than the average joe, and I will put up with less crap. I personally am pleased with the fact that I am somewhat of an existentialist; but I gotta tell you: it's like living in a constant mid-life crisis.