Yesterday was the sheer essence of hell, condensed into one day. I was sick. I will not say more, because it is Christmas Eve, and those who read this blog have better things to do than turn green from the nasty, gory details of my illness. So consider yourselves spared!

Still, even with the frequent sickness and craziness at work, this particular season has been good. Actually, more important, than good. I was confirmed, once again, what I was put on this earth to do. I find it a true blessing to actually have that confirmation -- a calling, if you will. I don't believe in God, or Allah, and nor am I all that spiritual. But I do have some notion that we are all here to do something. Perhaps it is to settle and have a family. Perhaps it is to go to the midwest and start growin' some corn. Perhaps it is to become a suicide bomber in Iraq. Whatever it is, I believe that we all have a goal-like point we are all trying to drive to. Some people don't have a clue as to where that point is, and some have a vague idea. I think a select few have a clear and secure knowledge of this point. Great people, like MLK, or Ghandi, or even Hitler. (This point I talk about is not necessarily one that the general consensus find to be good.)

So when I am surrounded by people who are like driftwood -- just living day to day to see how life turns out, or pursuing something because they are unsure but must do something, I feel lucky. Since a year or two ago, I found myself realizing what I must do. Every once in a while, I get an epiphany sort-of, that keeps me from drifting away. I do sometimes get dissuaded and feel as though just living the expected (i.e. graduate college, get married, pump out some kids, nag at my husband, etc.) would suffice, but then something hits me like a blunt and severe blow to the head, and I get this validation, a confirmation, of what I need to do. It's a great feeling. This season I had another one of those blows, so I have more than enough for which to be thankful.

It's horrible this season, especially for once-affluent California. Supermarket workers are on strike, a massive quake shook the heartland of Cal, the fires that caused ash to snow from the sky, and the recall election of the governor... a lot of craziness has happened. I'm sure it is similar with other parts of the world -- the battles are not over in Iraq. Just today three flights from Paris to the U.S. have been cancelled due to security reasons.

So in short... There's problems all around. There's bad things and evilness. But as we wrap up this year of 2003, look introspectively for your happiness and summation of the year. Being together with family, being healthy enough to shop for gifts, being able to laugh at an episode of The Simpsons -- these are small things but these are the things that happiness is made of. I said I was unhappy before. I think that was because I saw the big picture, but not the small details. Enjoy the small things, the petty things. That is what I wanted to say, in bringing this year to a close. Happy Holidays.