Things I'm Not Supposed to Know

Things I'm Not Supposed to Know

I use statcounter.com. It's the best, in terms of being comprehensive -- far superior than my sitemeter counter, which I have only kept because I've had it for a long while. According to a statcounter report, most of my visitors (to my blog) come and leave, and do not return. I do have just a handful (one hand full) of people who come by regularly -- to those I thanks you. It's motivation enough to keep me blogging through the worst of times as well as the best.

Nothing new on the western front today. Reagon's finally buried -- and I found out that most government run operations, such as the US Postal Service, shut down yesterday in observance. My life is still the same -- I'm trying to adjust to my life which does not have essays due the following day. I'm struggling -- I've lived with an anxiety about having papers due one after another, and it's kind of hard to let go of all that. Like a perpetual machine that was meant to just keep going and going.

California State University in Los Angeles is still open to accept applications until June 15, for the fall semester starting in September. In the midst of the California economic crisis (where public education was slammed down big time), it's a miracle. I am applying. I don't think I will get in, because it is really late in applying and my application isn't looking quite as stellar as I thought it would look. But I'll apply, and see where that takes me. Students who have attended a US High school for more than 3 years and have graduated or taken the GED examination, and are non-immigrant, non-resident, and non-visa holders (which is just INS's way of defining "undocumented aliens") actually can receive a college education at the same low price as California residents. It didn't apply to visa holders in the past, so I didn't qualify -- however, perhaps, now I do.

What's done is done. I can't refute a lot of the things happening to me right now, and I don't consider it a loss. I have regained my composure, or at least some of it, and have decided. Decided that my life will suck no matter what, but it is up to me to dig up nice things and find ways to make it more satisfying. If I let myself get defeated by my sucky life, I'm a loser also. And I'm not one to take things lying down -- I'll be kicking and screaming until my happiness is delivered to me!

So I'm out of my despondent stage, and onto my "It's My life" stage. I have learned one thing. I may never be a nurse. Certainly, I have never wanted to be a nurse. Maybe a physician, but never a nurse. I know I'm just too precious to be working 12-hour shifts cleaning out bed pans (sorry -- no offense to nurses). It's just not my thing. I need more rigor and spotlight -- as foolish as it sounds, I am a Leo, and I crave to be important.

So I'll probably not be a nurse, because it is no longer a way for me to obtain a green card in the US. But you know what? Since there are no stakes to be analyzed, no false hopes to grip onto, I am free to do what I want. Of course there are limitations -- I can't become the president of the US, but other things. Especially a writer. Perhaps I won't get paid. But I can be a writer anywhere in the world, be it the US, Korea, Siberia... preferably SoCal or Hawaii, but you get the point.

I'm not quite done thinking out this thing -- I'll continue when I get more of my thought organized into a neat streamlined train.