Much like my non-existant diet(which has been a futile attempt to shed pounds, I might add), my commitment to a more regulated, disciplined life is no where in sight. Not only am I still consuming junk in massive volumes, I have yet to visit the gym(where the civilized go to make up for the manual labors and other physical works we no longer are required to do through the advancement of technology). Also, I was sort of getting into the whole studying thing, but within 2 weeks or so, that too, has miraculously vanished into thin air as well. So beyond the constant repetition of setting and breaking goals, what can I do? Chastising myself time after time has proven to be a strategy far beyond from working. I was hopeful that I might get back into a more orderly life when I finally did my laundry(first time in a month, possibly two months!). but my room is still a mess. It looks like a giant tornado ripped through, and the same goes for my desk. I have to set the keyboard on top of the monitor to actually make room to do schoolwork. Ugh. I am really hating myself right now. I'm not in a good place, definitely. I really need a vacation. I just have a month until spring break... will I survive until then? Will I get my act together soon? Ah Ha~! I suddenly realized why I am doing this thing to myself. I am stressed. I realized the deadline for the nursing application is April 1, and I have just two weeks to get things in order. And that stressed me out. First of all, it will be extremely difficult to work while studying nursing, and therefore, will pose a great obstacle for me, because I'm in that "international student bind" where the tuition is extremely high and a full time study is required. The bind is certainly a catch-22, as they say: in order to study, I must work, but I don't have the time to work, and not working means not being able to financially support my ass through school, but i have to go to school, which means I must work, but I don't have the time, blah blah blah. It's marvelous. I'm in such a jammed nutcase of a situation, with no way out. It's a vicious circle. I really hope and hope and hope to break free, and that point seems so near, yet so far. Ah. Why can't life be simpler? All this talking has even led me to the great question: is there a god? (Notice how I did not capitalize the letter "g" on god. That is because I am not a Christian, and I know that my stating so definitely that I am most certainly not a Christian makes many very sad, but I am not. So I will not capitalize the letter "g" in the word "god" unless, that is his/her actual name, like Zeus, or Buddha, or Shiva.) If god existed, be he/her a Christian god or a Muslim god, or a Jewish god(do these god coincide?) or Zeus, or Allah, are they(plural or singular?) putting situation on me as a joke, purposely? Or is this all just a natural course of events? Am I the new "Job" of the 21 century? It is all just so hard to understand. Having such blind faith in religion is beyond me; it seems so ... well... blind! Well, all this writing has mysteriously shifted the topic to religion. Since taking this English 101 class(my third attempt, no less), I am determined to refrain from using fragments(my most common specialty) and to try to focus on a specific topic and not to stray. I just hope I haven't written any "frags."