I had an enlightening week. It's hard to describe the way I was enlightened -- perhaps... that it was as though I was in a cacoon all this time, and finally busted out of it, seeing sunlight for the first time. Have you ever recalled the time you first saw sunlight? Not just absorb it through the rods and cones of the back of your eyes, but to actually stand still for a moment and appreciate it? After all, it is a direct source that supports all living things on this planet. These days, it is really rare to acknowledge and appreciate light... even though one of the first major quotes from the bible is "Let there be light." These days we are surrounded by cubicles, lighted by fluorescent lighting... yes, cost efficient fluorescent light bulbs. By the time we get that corner office with those large windows, we're in our fifties and sixties... even if lucky, at mid to late forties. Appreciating the concept of "let there be light" apart from all its biblical sense, is something that should be done at a younger age. The process should be started as early as possible. I, for one, had the opportunity of being enlightened by the sun. Each time I have these type of experiences, I am refreshed, with a sense of being renewed. As though I were born again, but reborn with the learnings that I previously had. I am wiser, yet I recognize that there are an exponentially growing amount of knowledge that I have yet to have obtained; it is a true blessing. So when you get that chance, sit out on the sidewalk or on a bench at a park, oh, say about 10:30 AM. See the sunlight as it is scattered by the leaves on the maple tree. Appreciate its majestic aura, its magnificent rays! Look up at the fully lit blue sky, and the few birds that fly across. Allow yourself to feel small. For once, the world does not revolve around your little, miniscule list of things to do, or goals or dreams. You revolve around it. You are just a speck of dust in the universe, and likewise, into dust you will be, when you die.

Allow myself to be clear: I have been immersed by various anxieties. I have recently applied to a nursing program, and I am waiting to hear from them (sometime in November). I have a visa situation -- the BCIS(bureau of citizenship and immigration services) is a bitch on PMS. Daily struggles at work, finding time to study for calculus among other courses, and also trying to lose weight and keep up with the daily reading of the news, have left me tired and angry. All this shit to deal with. And yes, I did just end that fragmented-not-a-complete-sentence with a preposition. I try to balance my unhappy things with the happiness of my new digital camera, and my hopes that somehow things will be ameliorated and made better -- because that has to be the course of the universe. But no. It's not. The book of Job tells a nice story -- and how does that end? God bitch-slaps him. Likewise, my tribulations are not charted by the course of the universe. I am not carrying a cross to save mankind; my decisions and my life events do not alter the universe's path. I am small. I am infinitely, no, infinitesimally, small. The sunlight is a much greater entity than I am. While this may seem all like a good lot of big phooey to someone who hasn't been enlightened, I urge you to go outside and sit, and marvel at the outrageous number of photons the sunshine is scattering. See a single ant crawling, obviously in a hurry to get somewhere. Maybe you'll understand me. Then again, you may not.