Is being single a waste of time?

I have been told repeatedly by acquaintances that I am just simply wasting my youthful twenties being single. I am angered that close friends cannot understand my being single is not by default but by choice. I've been screaming on my blog for eons now. I'm single. I've been single, and I will continue to be single, until further notice. It is not because I can't get myself a man, nor is it because my last boyfriend made me sick of men. Men are wonderful. They're fabulous beings on their own. I love them. And I'm sure more than a few would date me, without my having to prod them with a stick. I'm no Gisele Bundchen, but even on a bad day, I'm at the very least interesting. On a good day, I can very well darn be fantastic. Bloody fantastic.

When people say bad things about me -- and I know some inevitably will and have -- I can let it go. It doesn't affect my karma at all. I know better. I know that I have an ultra-easy-going personality, and I'm sweet as homemade apple pie. I'm above that. So I'm pretty sure that the reason I get upset when people keep encouraging me to date, is because while I am still firm on my decision, I haven't quite convinced myself that this is a must.

There is the inevitable fear, that I may one day die alone, discovered months after my death. Or perhaps that I would have spent my prime years not dating and thereby lose the timing to meet my soulmate. Maybe it is true that my unwillingness to date is spawned by fear: fear of men, fear of the dating scene, fear of rejection.

I have so many friends who are married and unhappy. Not unhappy all the time, but more often than not. I have friends who are attached, or had been attached, and I've seen them miserable. Although I have a few pals who seem to be in an ideal relationship, they are far and few in between, just a minority. I value the notion that it is important to know yourself in order to be successful in any relationship. To become a productive, healthy member of society, you need to have obtained self-actualization. I don't think many people do. They just start hitching up with people, without knowing what they want, who they are, where they are going. Conflicts arise in relationships, all relationships. But how can you make an argument with someone when you have no clue what your position is?

I cannot love someone else. I cannot love another human being half as much as I love my cat. I think I am an innately selfish being, and beyond my nature, I was also nurtured selfishly. But I accept that, and in fact, I like that about myself, because it means I can cover my own ass. My mom has raised me to get what I want, when I want it. She has taught me not to take less than what I deserve and what I want, because I deserve it all. If I want it all, I must have it all. In the way she had raised me, I had quickly learned how to determine what I want. To this day, I am quick to know what I want. I don't share. Even my best friend has come to terms with that -- I don't share food. I will order a big mac and fries and a drink, and I will not share the fries. If another human being wants some fries, I will prefer to buy him/her a separate unit of fries, but I don't share what is mine. Because it's mine. I love my cat, because she shares that personality with me. She gets along with me the best, because we respect each other on that.

I can't love. Maybe i am just incapable. But I don't want to love. It is hard to explain, but I think it is best to blame it on my sarcasm toward life. I've become a cynic. I can't understand why people take so long to rebound after a relationship -- if a guy dumps me, I don't fret much about it. Sure, my pride has been dented a little, but I have all that I need to exist, which is me, myself, and I. If I cry during a breakup, it is only because someone's feelings were hurt (usually not mine) and I feel sorrow for that. It's funny, because I am a cynic, but also extremely happy-go-lucky.

I love myself. Loving myself unconditionally is the greatest power I have known. Lightning can hit me, stones can be cast at me, people can hate me, but I love myself so much that none of that hurts me in the slightest bit. Do you love yourself? If you do, then you share the immense power that is thoroughly enjoyed by me.