Amy and Nick get Fired, Omarosa returns

The Apprentice is one of my favorite shows, and it is definitely my favorite reality show. I admire those people on the show, even the ones who were fired early on, because they've all got something I don't have. Sure I have qualities that they don't have, but notice that the things you want most are the things you can't have or don't have. I know that I probably couldn't last a week on that show, because I'm so meek. I can express energy and passion in writing, but realistically, I can be pretty weak -- I'll let people tread on me all over the place.

And when I am put on the hot seat, I usually start crying. It's almost second nature. Imagine if people were discussing about firing me and all I can do is weep! Not only would that get me definitely fired, it would be the biggest embarrassment for me since I sobbed at the acupuncturist -- not when I was 7, but when I was 18. And I don't mean microscopic amounts of tears squeezing out from the corners of my eyes that could be disguised as beads of sweat -- I'm talking full-blown, temper-tantrum, it's the end of my life as I know it type crying. I don't know why I resort to that. It's something I need to control, because underneath it, I am a confident and strong person. Most people would face the music fine and then be depressed about it and be under the weather, but I'll let the waterworks start running and feel like that song: "I will survive." But definitely I'd need to learn how to handle myself better, and also to do a better PR of myself. I'm just so shy and meek and tame, and I never go beyond the expectations that people have of me, which often is that I am a soft-spoken, well-mannered gal who tries hard to please everyone but herself. Which is true.

Don't get me wrong -- I don't want to be that bitch that everyone in the office loathes, but I also want to be that starlet who impresses people and climbs that ladder of promotions. Not that I'd be joining the corporate world anytime soon. But anyways, that is the reason why I speak up in my classes. Some of the instructors have already acknowledged me as a superior student, a superb student, intelligent, dilligent, and exceptional. (Sometimes I let humility escape me now and then.)

So until I reach that state of enlightment where I can truly speak up and be heard, I will just enjoy this show.