The Inevitable Attraction to Sales

I am a sucker for sales. I see a sale, and even if it is something I would never need, I'll buy it. I'm a sucker for a good deal, that's what it is. The only thing I like more than a good bargain is getting it free.

So when my local supermarket, ahem Ralphs, started posting these signs left and right, I wanted to pull out my hair and scream! 10/$10, it says, which I am assuming would mean 10 pieces for 10 bucks. 10 bottles of ketchup for 10 bucks. 10 bottles of shampoo for 10 bucks. 10 bottles of hair gel for 10 bucks. It was driving me crazy. I am serious when I say that I am lucky to have made it out alive!

I just kept on reciting to myself, get a hold of yourself woman! Come on! You don't need this. Just grab the coffee and RUN the to registar. RUN, dammit, RUN! And ran I did. It was one of the deadliest sales I've faced in my lifetime. At the height of my stingy, frugal living, I could have written a sequel to Donald Trump's The Art of the Deal, because I was the ultimate bargain shopper. If I used the Sunday edition of the LA Times for one thing, it was for the coupons. I've bought everything in my life cheap. But my life ain't cheap, I tell you.

Through much finaggling and rummaging, I have done some successful transactions on eBay, which has allowed me quite a sum of money. I am, by no means, rich. At least, not in "the Donald's" sense. However, I was able to afford this: MAX™ Maximum Performance Massager. A beautiful piece of machinery -- not one of those white plastic massagers. This is beautiful.

Maximum power, control and performance for maximum relief -- our most powerful percussion massager reaches deep muscle and tissue layers for tension relief and health benefits you can feel throughout your entire body. Five speeds and three massage programs customize your massage for maximum relief. Dual ergonomic handles make it easy to apply even pressure and isolate specific muscle groups -- a massage from MAX™ feels just like the real thing.

And of course, who deserves a massage that "feels just like the real thing" more than my loving mother? Since Mommy's day is only two or so weeks away, I just went ahead and got it today. She's been extra-tired these days, with my grandmother hospitalized -- now she has another job in addition to being our mother and a worker and a student; she is a care-provider for her mother. It's difficult to sincerely thank a woman who does so much that it is too much. With the MAX™ Maximum Performance Massager, I'm chipping away at it, little by little. I guess this was an early Mother's Day tribute. (Raises mug full of coke on the rocks)A toast for the woman who taught me the thrill of a sale and the joy of a good bargain!