Perils of Dating, Addendum

Perils of Dating, Addendum

Technology has advanced so much in the world, that you can now get a date with a click of a mouse.

Well, if only it were so simple. Allow me to pick a bone that has been bothering me for weeks. Profiles. It's like a gawddamn resume. I hate it, yes, but if you want to play, you gotta follow the rules.

1. What is this thing with profiles, where basically everybody is "easy going?" I dare you to find one profile without that phrase. It's been killed. Put it to rest in peace people.

"I am easy going. Like someone who likes to have fun. I like to watch movies. Cuddling up on the couch. I can enjoy any activity as long as the person I'm with is having fun..."

"I'm new to the LA area from up noth and I'm looking for someone wonderful to spend time with. I'm mostly a care free and easy going person. I'm really good at listening and helping people, weather its advice or medical attention..." (I'm leaving the obvious spelling error. This person also is somewhat odd, as you can see.)

"...I appreciate people who can express their joy without irony or sarcasm. I am very focused on the things that matter to me, but I'm also very easygoing...."

I swear, these are really random picks, actual words written by actual people. I know people are very drama-queen-phobic, but "I'm easygoing" sounds more like "I'm a pushover." It's almost as bad as "I like long walks on the beach..."

2. About 95% of the profiles I've read indicates that the posters are very active. They are outgoing and loves engaging in heavily physical activities, such as inline skating or hiking or rafting. And they make it sound like they enjoy these things at least weekly, if not daily!

"Cycling, Dancing, Golf, Tennis / Racquet sports, Running, Swimming, Walking / Hiking, Other types of exercise, Baseball, Basketball, Billiards / Pool, Bowling, Football, Soccer, Skiing, Volleyball" is a list of just ONE man's interests.

Are these people just selecting random things? I swear, one person actually included sky-diving and bungi-jumping as their hobbies. Ok, it could be a hobby, but I'll have to seriously consider what kind of freak they are to spend so much money and time, jumping off of high places!

3. This should really be 2a. Outgoing people. People on dating websites CLAIM that they are outgoing, and also WANT outgoing people as their dates. OK. If you're so outgoing and actively pursuing pool, bowling, football, soccer, and skiing, there should be several things that follow that. A). You'll have to be extremely busy, working hard to support your lavish interests, or extremely well endowed financially. B). You are so outgoing, you probably won't have problems meeting people -- therefore should not be on a dating website.

There are some people who offer to unmask their income. Which is fine. However, if you earn less than $24,999/year, live on your own, and spend all your time windsurfing and whitewater rafting, you won't have enough to feed yourself on your date. Even more of a negative if you're still mooching off from parents without a valid reason (i.e. going to school, current home is being remodeled, etc.) Let's get real. If you don't go surfing every other day, say so.

Also on a side note, personally speaking, the sentence "I love to work out" just doesn't do it for me. While I appreciate a man who's physically fit, I'd rather tolerate a chunky man with an active and well-functioning mind, than a bronze god with half a brain. And I mean it.

Second side note: "I'm looking for a hot girl" or "looking for a playboy playmate type..." is going to get you no where, so why bother with something like that? Do you actually think a Victoria's Secret model is going to see a line like that and think, "wow, I must be his type!" I know this is very cynical, but if a man or woman is hot to the extremes, they will not have to resort to online dating. If they have, however, then that just indicates that there is some sort of deficiency which makes them undesirable. Not that online dating is just so un-cool, but it has its dangers and traps. It's not the traditional convenient method, but for busy professionals with realistic visions of themselves and realistic desires, it suffices.

Also, I don't respond well to the compliment, "you're hot." Because I'm not. I'm not hot, and nor do I wish to be. I'm homely, mousy, uber-geeky, and average, but I'm fabulous in spite of it, and attractive as hell because of it. So don't try to describe me with a mundane three-lettered word that describes temperature.