The Supremacy of the White Male

I first read about it at Californian Sojourn and then Kaonashi Ga Suki, left a comment, then found that Tinka also wrote about it, and decided that I need to elaborate on my original comment left on Kaonashi Ga Suki, which has been erased, (I think it was my fault) so here I am.

I originally stated that the older generations, especially Filipinos, find whites to be desirable; the closer you are to white, the closer you are to success. I think that is just something resulted out of years of American influence in the Phillipines. Of course, I am not from the Phillipines. But I am Asian, so I can give an expert testimony on being Asian.

I agree with Tinka, who said that, we, as a society, are conditioned to uphold western ideals as the ideal. I think the ubiquitous McDonalds all around the world speaks volumes about that. You can get Coca Cola virtually anywhere on earth. Britney Spears' posters hang from the bedroom of a 13 year old Japanese boy.

When I first came to the US, I came with the notion that I will be living with blond-haired, blue-eyed, Barbie&Ken-like creatures. It is the stereotype that people associate with being American -- despite the fact that so many of us are colored, ethnic, and etc., we are still the minority, and in the eyes of the world, minorities don't count.

While I honestly believe that we are socially conditioned to respond favorably to the white ideal, there is also a bit of preference involved as well, especially in choosing a mate. In the recent weeks, I have met numerous men, and I won't lie to you: most were white. I won't call it a fetish, but I think there is symbolically something in having a white partner that makes me feel closer to being American -- like I'll be more Americanized if I hang out with an "American" person. I have to embody a sense of Americanization. I'm not American enough. As you all know, I am still having my battles with US Immigration; it's an on-going war, and there is a good chance that I may lose. But I still want to be American; perhaps those of you who were born into being American can't quite relate, but for foreigners in dire desire for the green card/citizenship, it is something to be coveted.

First of all, let me start out by saying that I am extremely Korean. People tell me that I speak with an accent (which I gained by spending more time in Koreatown than I do outside of it). I am polite to the extremes -- I can't tell people off, I can't say no to elders, and I still bow when I say hello or goodbye to customers. It's an Asian woman mannerism that I hate to employ, but has become habitual, because my daily life requires it (working in Koreatown and dealing with Koreans, etc).

One reason that whites are appealing is because they don't come with the baggage that comes with dating a fellow Korean. For example, if I am engaged in a serious relationship with a Korean man, I am open for speculation by his family. They are free to scrutinize, in case I don't meet their criterion for the perfect bride. Life has gotten less restrictive for Korean women over the last decade or so, but housework is predominantly done by women, and the raising of children is also predominantly women. That means women must sacrifice advancing in their careers for the sake of keeping a home and the sake of being a good mom. It's extremely hard -- it is not like in the US, where superwomen can do it all; be the soccer mom CEO who not only looks beautiful herself, but also keeps a beautiful home. I'm not saying that it's a piece of cake for women in the US, but it is attainable. in Korea, it's not. Even immigrants from Korea will expect that wives follow their husbands in decisions, among other things. Follow the husband to his church. Join his family. Even if the men are Americanized enough to uphold equality, there is a good chance that their family still thinks like people back home.

When I had mentioned that I plan on going to graduate school and going to medical school, some of the older generation told me that getting my bachelor's is enough -- no man likes a woman smarter than him. As long as you can snag a man who can support you and the kids financially, you won't need that extra degree. EXCUSE ME? And since I am ultra-polite and I am such a push-over(I admit it), I'll just nod and smile, rather than explaining to them that I am a separate entity from my husband, and that I am entitled to live my life as a free being.

My first boyfriend was my first long-term relationship. He was a great guy -- sweet and gentle, funny and intelligent. He was Korean, and lived with his evil sister. She made me feel like I should be subordinate. She told me not to wear heels because it will make my boyfriend(her brother) feel small. She told my boyfriend that I don't help her in the kitchen when she's doing stuff. I did not recall volunteering to be their kitchen-aid ever. If I went over to my Korean boyfriend's home, I would be expected to show off my kitchen-friendliness by helping with the cooking and offering to do the dishes, while everyone else sits back in the living room, talking and enjoying. I gripe about that a lot. But my best friend asked, if you love your boyfriend, wouldn't you want to do their dishes? Well, I say that if it is something I do not want to do, I should not feel guilty for not doing it, and they shouldn't talk behind my back and criticize me for it.

One reason why I am trying to avoid Korean men, is that most immigrant families are Christian. Avid Christians, who are not very tolerant of non-Christians, such as myself. If I dated a Korean man who is Christian, I would be pressured to attend church on Sunday morning. Impression that I got from "white" people, is that they respect my choice to opt for or against a religion. I appreciate that. You just don't know it unless you are an atheist with a protestant pressure down your throat.

I also took a physical attraction test, which told me that I am extremely attracted to the tall,dark, and handsome types -- mainly brunettes with blue eyes. I didn't even know the photos I picked (as being attractive) had blue eyes, but they all did. I'm not too fond of Ken, i.e. blond, surfer guy types. I thought I would like blond haired men -- at least that's what I thought mentally. Innately, perhaps, or perhaps it is something subconsciously socialized, but I like dark hair and blue eyes. Now, I really can't explain that, but I think that's just a simple preference. Do you like red wine or white? Do you like beer or vodka? Do you prefer Kate Hudson or Halle Berry? Do you prefer coke or pepsi? There are just some things that we prefer over another, and that's not to say that the option not chosen is inferior; it's simply a matter of taste. Some men like voluptuous women, while some men like thin women. Some women like buff, muscular AH-nold men, while some women like the sensual Adrian Brody type men.

Oh gosh. These days, I can't seem to focus and adhere to a topic. I really can't remember where I was going with this, which is frustrating. In my entire academic career, all my English instructors unanimously told me that I need more focus in my writing. Topic sentences, thesis, support, etc. etc. etc. It's one of those adversaries that I've got to overcome, if I want any future in academia.

I'll just leave you with the same thought that Tinka left me with: people with date whomever they wish to date, and they do not need to justify their choices with anyone else but themselves. Thank you for reading through that long crap!