Reviews 3

Audition Starring Ryo Ishibashi, Directed by Takashi Miike
Acquaintances have recommended this film to me after learning that I am a horror movie buff/fan. I immediately googled it and read reviews on-line which were quite pleasurably disturbing; one review wrote that a little more than halfway through the film, about half the audience got up to leave because it was just too scary. As I am always looking to expand the edges of my horizon, and test my horror-viewing abilities, I was intrigued. If the Japanese know one thing, it's how to make horror movies (Do not click if you are prone to fear! -- It's just a movie poster, however!). So I popped the DVD in and ecstatically waited to be frightened beyond my wits (I scare myself realizing how much I love gory horror movies!). It was plain. It was NOT scary. It was weird. The plot dragged on and on. The only line I can recall is, "metal wires can cut through meat and bone easily." But that's about as scary as it got. I was disappointed. However, for those of you who aren't quite as dissentisized as I am, perhaps there's a bit of horror in it for you to enjoy.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2003 Jessica Biel.
Now here's a good old fashioned American horror/thriller. It has all the classic elements. When I say classic elements, I am talking about the really cheezy/cliche moments that exist in horror films, and yet the movie wouldn't be the same without them.

Classic element #1. "Look behind you!" moment. Yes, the moments when the audience can't help but the scream out, 'look behind you!' The naive characters walk into a room without realizing that the villain/monster/serial killer is behind the door with a giant machete or an axe or just his freaky face. Corollaries to this element include such great details like, "don't go in there!" and "run faster!"

Classic element #2. A horror film has got to be sexy. As we all know, sex sells, and the same truth goes for horror movies. There has always got to be some ditzy blonde chick who's scared out of her mind. She is almost always scantily clad, and even that, the fear-inducing character, manages to tear most of the articles of clothing. Either that, or she runs through some bushes/trees and clothes get torn. Having turned-on headlights are not required, but definitely a plus (See Jessica Biel).

Classic element #3. Vulnerable situations. It's hard to pinpoint when it would not be vulnerable when you're in the same house as a guy with a chainsaw who just doesn't stay dead for too long, but almost always, there is a point in the plot when one or two characters venture into ultra-vulnerable situations, always alone. You would think that after years of having horror movies produced, year after year, they would learn to stick together. But no, it is always, "Becky, you go left, and John, you go to the middle, and I'll go to the right, because splitting up will make us be more efficient in covering more ground." Some of the more older films manage to incorporate a shower scene. You know, when you're being chased by a psychopathic serial killer, you get quite dirty and feel the need to get naked and take a leisurely shower. Well, they get killed, and are usually the first to go (the dumber one is, the shorter his life span). It usually goes something like this, "hey, is anybody in here? Billy? Billy, this isn't funny, now come out! (Looks around) Well, I'm gonna get nekked and take a shower~" The scene always ends with blood going down the drain of a bath tub. Well, the newest version of the Texas Chain Massacre has all three classic elements and I give it two thumbs up. A lot of high pitched squealings, thanks to Jessica Biel. Thanks Jess.

Living History
by Hilary Clinton. I got the audio book version and listened to it during my commute to work. I used to like Hilary, not for her political views, but her courage to stand up for herself and be strong and fearless. She is a great role-model for many women and girls. I was first attracted to this book because I always wondered how she must have felt during the Monica Lewinsky scandal. I know many people clamour on about how Clinton has reduced the budget deficit for the first time in generations of presidents, or whatever his accomplishments are -- but for me, a man who can't be true to his family is a man who can't be true to his country. It would have not been so bad had the US been a country that would tolerate such behavior with a slap on the wrist -- but Bill Clinton knew better. He knew that if this were to become publicized, it would cause remorse in the eyes of the people, pain his wife, and scar his daughter. And yet he did it. Well, we're not talking about Bill tonight, so I'll skip over my rant about him.

At first, I dismissed Hilary as the prodigal wife, much like the ones on "Stepford Wives." I had read in one article (which probably had no factual basis) that Hilary dyed her hair blond to keep her hubby interested. And I just couldn't understand how on earth she could take him back after what he had done. But I gave her the benefit of the doubt -- maybe there was something else.

After the autobiography, I dislike Hilary more than I can imagine. Sure she is an accomplished woman. But her book was propaganda. It was self-serving. Whatever she did had changed the world for the better -- whatever the Republicans did, were horrifying and damaging the nation. She was a great mom and shielded Chelsea from the press at all costs. Bill hurt his daughter. Hilary made a difference in all of subsaharan Africa. She made all the difference for women in India and the south east Asian countries. Without her, they'll still be struggling to fight misogyny, AIDS, and starvation. She made so much progress in the war on AIDS in Africa. While I have no doubt that Hilary Clinton worked hard to make a difference and probably did make a difference at some levels, I also have no doubt that Hilary Clinton has no sense of modesty or humility. Obviously while meeting Mother Theresa and Princess Diana, she failed to learn why they were so admired for their humanitarian work -- the woman is all about getting re-elected and ensuring the continuation of her political career.

You will not find a single sentence that mentions any of her shortcomings, whether it be as a mom, a wife, a woman, a First lady, or a senator. It makes her inhuman, inaccessible, and the biggest pompous ass! If you want to re-fuel your dislike for the woman, this is your book.

You would think that while making an attempt to write a book, you'd try to refrain from being judgmental. There is not a soul who would regard Senator Clinton as a pushover in any sense -- she didn't need to promote herself in such a way. She could have executed the book in a more graceful fashion, and stop referring to Chelsea as a "(insert adjective here) young woman." Bright young woman. Beautiful young woman. Well, this young woman is appalled with this book. It's a two thumbs down -- even if I could vote, I wouldn't vote for you, Hilary.