When I Grow Up

I found out what I wanted to be when I grow up.

I decided that I want to be like the women on tampon commercials. Tampon commercials on TV always feature women who are having the time of their lives -- working hard and getting recognition in their field, swimming and looking fab in a bikini (as though a tampon can cause PMS to vanish without a trace), doing ballet, playing tag football with hot-looking men and adorable dogs, and always looking so happy. So that's what I want to be when I grow up.