Motivated Sunday

I am having a motivated moment here, Sunday, noonish. It's almost inspirational, I guess. I had a sudden urgeful desire to turn my room upside down and clean it out. I want to embrace my inner organizational control freak, and clean my hell-like chaos, aka my room. I've been slacking in more ways than one this month, and it's time to start kicking myself in the rear end and get myself moving.

I've been depressed, and I've been sulking. I've been moping around about the poor, wretched status of my life. I've gone on one-time dates with men who made me feel like crap, all leading to nowhere. My bestfriend is not talking to me. I have a visa-application situation going on now, and I'm also applying for colleges, to transfer. I'm not having the most glorious summer ever, that is true.

But enough with all the moping. It doesn't become me. Feeling sorry for myself and thinking about how pathetic I am is just not me. I'm masochistic, that's what I am. I like whipping myself into better shape (not so much physically but emotionally and mentally). I am a brilliant individual. I have a high IQ. Heck, I had a 4.0 last semester! I'm bloody fabulous. And I like my Spartan lifestyle. Nothing is ever too good for me -- hell, nothing's ever going to be good enough. But that only has me reaching for something better and working for something more, and my hard driven motivation-filled life is the thing that I crave most.

In August, I've done crap. Literally crap. I don't think I've done laundry in the month of August yet. My first month of being 24, I've been lackadaisical. Sparkle-less. Mundane. Dead. I put down Salman Rushdie's The Moor's Last Sigh, just as it was getting good. Just as the story started picking up, I stopped reading it. I stopped reading the Bible. I am so close to finishing the old testament, (ok, I'm skimming, actually, and I can't remember whether Saul came before Samuel) but that, too, went into hiatus.

So last night, I had a sudden inspiration. A desire to make right all the wrongs in my life, including this friggin' immigration situation, the abominable nursing school applications, the constant lack of money situation! So I'm going to get my act together. I've become a slob. I need to read more, learn more, listen to more music, pet my cat, whatever it is that makes me me. No more zoning out in front of the television watching shows that I don't even like. No more googling high school classmates to compare myself with. No more comparing myself with anyone, except to compare myself with myself from yesterday. No more internet surfing. No more obsessive e-mail checking. Eat more chocolate. Etc. etc. etc.

So I got up relatively early (little before noon -- I have to pick up my brother from his work around 3 AM-ish, so I slept pretty late) and jump started my day. Instead of crawling to the kitchen for some coffee, I stood up, went to the bathroom, and brushed my teeth. I put on my glasses, and saw that I'm having the most excellent hair day. It's nicely curly, but not at all frizzy, and quite shiny and manageable -- ooh I'm digressing again.

I'm ready to jump start my day now, and remembered to go get the paper. It's the Sunday edition, which I kind of like, because I like seeing the comics, all in color, and I love the calendar section, and I love all the coupons, and I just love the great thickness of the whole bundle -- it's like a mini-gift, reserved for Sundays.

Actually, I got quite worried that the paper might have been swiped away by some neighbor -- sometimes when I go get the paper too late, I find that somebody had already decided to *steal* it. And it was already noon, so I darted out my door. I sighed a breath of relief to find the paper. But then... the plastic bag it comes in, was torn. A big hole. And the paper... didn't seem quite as heavy as it should have been. Skeptical, you can imagine, but I took the paper home, and sat down to read it. THE BASTARDS! The neighbor who's keen on stealing my paper has decided that he's just going to take the best part of it and leave the rest behind -- he took the front page! He took the front page, the local news section, the business section! He/She basically took out two-thirds of my reading material. Ugh. How rude!

If he/she had just taken the whole thing, I would have chucked it to the fact that someone might have thought that I wasn't getting the paper for whatever reason -- I'm sick, I went on vacation, I'm not at home this weekend, etc. But the thief proceeded to take only what he wanted, and left the rest for me to find. That's just a blatant display of inconsideration, I think. And the plastic bag clearly states that this paper is for unit #12, which would be me!

Just when I'm all geared up for a great Sunday, something like this happens. Ugh. I'm going to see if I can get that same energy back during the course of the day. Ugh.