First Day Jitters

Here I am on the first day of school. I am in kind of a daze, mostly because of sleep deprivation. I've been skimping on sleep with all the DVD-watching (movie reviews to come later), college applying, trip to DC planning, rubbing my cat's belly, and whatnot. It was difficult to get up at the wee hours of the morning, but I managed -- and while I groaned, the sudden realization that I don't have to be at work today made it all worth it. As I was walking to the campus, I told myself, "heck, this is muuuuuch better than being at work!" And how true.

I don't know if I will have much access/time with the internet once I am in DC. Obviously, I don't want to spend half the day browing blogs and blogging and checking e-mails when I'm so close to a hub of museums and such. One of the main things I really, really, want to see is the Lincoln Memorial. I would also visit the Smithsonian -- I mean, I'd have to. It's like an obligation, right? I would love to.

I know it's kinda hard to imagine, but imagine me suddenly hopping around with my arms in the air squealing. I've been that way for about a week now. It's crazy. You know, I am not scheduled to show up at work until next Wednesday. That's like a WEEK away from work! How cooooool is that?

I am nervous. And the anxiety is increasing exponentially as I approach the weekend. I am nervous to fly, definitely. I am also nervous to meet my cousin -- I've never really had a close relationship with my extended family, and I just met this cousin while I was in Chicago last last winter. And we've e-mailed frequently for about a year or so, and eventually that connection kinda faded. Ultimately, I was supposed to visit her last summer, but something didn't work out, and here I am today. I am nervous of meeting her -- I've only met her briefly while I was in Chicago, and the last time I saw her before that was when I was about 7 or 8, and she was in Jr. High. And it's so cool and so intimidating and so wonderful that I am going to see her and that she would spring for a plane ticket, because I've always asked my parents as a child, why they couldn't just have a sister instead of my brother. I always wanted a sister, especially an older one who would show me the ropes at school, at work, at the world -- someone who I'd be related to and share a close relationship with. That isn't to say that I don't have a good relationship with my brother -- except for the rare occasion when I wish to smother him to death with a pillow while he's sleeping, he's a wonderful guy and a wonderful brother and I love him. (I didn't realize that I would actually love him when I was younger -- we used to fight like dogs and cats -- dogs and cats!) But sisterhood is different. And I've never really had close girlfriends who could somehow subsitute for a sister either, so I've always craved that sort of relationship. I don't want to be naive and hope that I can forge a sisterly bond with my cousin who lives on the opposite end of the country, but I really wish I could have better communication. I know that I will meet her and spend a few days with her and find her to be absolutely fabulous. I just know it. But I'm totally intimidated by the whole concept of meeting this person who is physically related to me but also physically so remote from me; I mean, maybe she'll find me annoying, and find me to be a slob (both of which, I admit, I am). Normally I can shake off that sort of negativity, but if it comes from someone, whose opinion I actually care about, it is a frightening process to go through. I am going to be on good behavior and mind my manners, although sometimes, I feel like going on one of those "Girls Gone Wild: Spring Break!" type of a spree, only it won't be spring break. But no. I will be good. And I will promptly remove my flip-flops when the TSA lady ask me to. And I won't scowl at the overweight, middle-aged man who will sit next to me on the plane. And I won't boo when passing the White House. Ok, maybe I'll boo internally, just to myself. That isn't to say that I'm not a Bush fan or that I am a Kerry fan -- I'm just not a fan of the man who's in da house. Something about that house makes them bastards, I suppose. I dunno. But whoever comes through those doors next, better be worthy! Ok, enough ranting. Have a class at 10:15 -- please excuse me. Good bye!

3AM Snack

There is a reason why I can't shake this weight off.

I just picked up my brother from work (he works at a bar, hence the late hour). He was hungry and asked me to go to our local Jack in the Box (JITB). He ordered the two tacos ($0.99 for two) and two chicken sandwiches ($0.99 each). He inhaled one taco in the car on the way home from JITB (which is about 4 blocks away), and I just could not resist; I demanded that he abdicate his right to the remaining taco. It was one greasy hell of a taco -- and took me all of 2 minutes to devour it. Lovely. Yum. I am going to sleep well tonight -- although it looks like I have just about 5 hours to sleep... that is, if I start NOW!

Zzzzz...

Michael Reagan

Michael Reagan, son of the late former president, Ronald Reagan (from his first marriage), made the "Style & Culture" page of the Calendar section of the LA Times.

"If same-sex marriage becomes accepted as having equal validity with traditional heterosexual marriage, what kinds of social pressure will our children and grandchildren have to face? [...] What happens to your kids and grandkids after they try a homosexual experience on a dare? They will experience guilt and pain in the aftermath, just as I did [he is referring to an incident "when an after-school counselor lured him away from the other children and sexually molested him" at the age of 7]. The second they have had a sexual relationship with the same sex, in their own minds and in the view of society, they will be labeled homosexual. They'll never rid themselves of it."

This, by far, is the most flawed reasoning to oppose gay marriage that I have EVER heard! The absurdity of this man's logic frightens me. How does dabbling/experimenting with homosexuality cause the same experience as being sexually molested as a child? I feel bad for the guy -- being sexually molested truly leaves you scarred for life. I would know. And I'm not all getting "heal the pain" or shrinky on you -- being sexually molested is something I really can't put into words. So many emotions flare up with those words. Believe me, I know. I've been there. But there is no way ever ever ever ever ever, that the experience is similar to engaging in a homosexual relationship.

One of the things that truly anger me about this issue, is that those who oppose gay marriage, have brilliant reasoning. Really, they are great reasons. But the only problem, is that those reasons, that train of thought, that method of logic, only works for people with alike minds. People, if you want to persuade other people, you're going to have to come up with reasoning that works for other people as well. You can't say that a banana is a superior fruit because you like banana. You have to give a reasoning that other people can understand, accept, and agree. You can't just shout into the air, "gay marriage is wrong!" and expect people to agree with you. The only people who will agree with you are the people who were already in accordance with you. That defeats the whole purpose of even having an issue or a debate or taking sides. Persuade me, dammit! Explain to me how homosexuality is bad! And if you find yourself stuck, at a loss for words, recognize it and accept the fact that you need to be more open to other concepts. The world doesn't go around you.

Man. It angers me THIS much, and I'm not even gay!

If you want to argue with that line about the sanctity of marriage -- dude. Make it illegal for Britney Spears to get hitched again, and for goodness sake, prohibit J.Lo from breeding! How is it that they can get married and get it annulled the next day, or divorce three months later, only to get engaged the next week and marry yet another man within weeks the engagement breaks up? How can you allow that to go on in heterosexual marriages, and yet prevent bona fide, non-frivolous, genuine marriages between two responsible adults? Maybe if you made it illegal for Mrs. Anthony and Ms. Spears to marry again (and again and again), perhaps then you can argue that crap about the sanctity of marriage.

And, I'd much rather be raised by two genuinely loving parents, whether they are both moms or both dads, than be raised by an evil heterosexual couple. Why is it that a dumbass teenager (no offense kids) is able to have children and go on welfare, while a successful and capable same-sex couple will have to jump through an eternity of hoops to adopt a child? You are homophobic. What are you so afraid of? I'm acrophobic -- I'm afraid of heights, but there's reasoning behind it. If you fall from a high place, you can die, or at the very least, get hurt. Why are you homophobic? You scared that the whole world gonna turn gay on you? Goodness! Enough for tonight. College apps and financial affadavit of supports are just begging to be filled out. Ugh.

***Added 09/01/2004 9:58 AM***

Click here to read about what one Republican senate candidate (IL) said about Mary Cheney, lesbian daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney. Ugh.

Life is Pickin' Up

Life is start to pick up around the haemisphere. The past week has been filled with trying to get my act straight in applying to colleges. Apparently, I am an old dog and can't learn new tricks. I am still extremely skeptical of applying on-line. Applying just for an undergraduate status would be enough of a challenge -- but I have a few more steps as a transfer student who is also an international student. I have to jump through many hoops people, and jumping I have been. In a way, I am exhiliarated; I've been preparing for this all my life. Academia is where I've always belonged -- applying to colleges is an integral part to ensure that my stay in academia continues. I don't want to say that I've studied hard and long to transfer, or to get a bachelor's degree, or to become a nurse to become a bona fide US permanent resident. I have studied because I have learned the true value of learning -- I have not only become appreciative of it, but I cherish it. Learning is one of my highest priorities. It really is. So I've been busy, to say the least. I've been running from banks to school to my lawyer, hopping around town. My second attempt at a visa (I know, it feels like my 9th attempt for all the yapping I do about it, but this is just round 2) has been submitted. Everything was in order, this time, my lawyer is handling the whole thing. I have entrusted him with my life. He's trustworthy -- he's worked with my own family and my extended family for over twenty years. He's an old man now -- once a young, dark-haired man in his thirties -- now an overweight, retired champion, with a mane, lightly peppered with silvery strands. My applications are still in process. I have dinner with the boss on Wednesday, and school starts on Thursday. Yippee kai-yay (sp?). On Friday morning, I am going to get on a plane and head for the nation's capitol -- I am hoping not to meet too much rain while I am there, but maybe that is inevitable. I am just thankful that Hurrican Charley has come and gone. I will return Tuesday afternoon, and rush to my night class soon after arrival. And starting from there, I will officially begin another semester-long stretch of schooling -- I will be excited and all geared up to go in September -- in October, I will remind myself how lucky I am to be in such a great environment and dream of the endless possibilities of the future. In November, I will be a bit tired, and tell myself just. one. more. month to go, and prepare for finals and turn in last minute, procrastinated projects. The first part of December will hit me like a brick wall -- final exams will be inevitable, but will creep up unnoticed, causing an adrenaline rush. I will be pulling all-nighters, cramming extra things in my head at the last moment. In mid-December, I will let out a sigh of relief, and think, hey, that wasn't so bad. And I'l' wonder why I spent November feeling so stressed. On a lighter note -- I got a new phone today. My boss is still going to pay for it like he has been for the last two years. He even let me have the phone free of charge, although it is one pricey gem. It is the Samsung D415 -- a color screen phone with polyphonic ringtones, complete with a digital camera that can also record short videos. Lovely piece of gadgetry. After hauling a brick-like phone that wasn't color, didn't have a camera, had sorry reception -- I am in love with this new silvery thing. My second most expensive piece of portable machinery after my Canon digital camera. It will go everywhere with me, including Washington DC -- I hope to bring back lots of pictures. All the more reason why it should not rain! I am also busy at work, so please forgive me for not blogging. Tinka invited me to be sort of an author at a web project she and her cousin created -- I am extremely flattered, and I've also been thinking about ideas to write about. I spent a lot of time watching movies, and gotten a whole new perspective these days with all the incredible things going on in my life -- school, plane trip to DC, another round of visa petitions, plethora of DVD's from Netflix -- I've gotten quite a bit of inspiration. I just need some time to actually sit and write -- so far, work hasn't given me much time. It is the end of the month again, where I have to be stuck with truckloads of paperwork. Also, coincidentally, we are closing our corporation and creating a new one, and the website still needs work, so I'm awfully busy. For example, today, I showed up for work at 10AM and before I knew it, it was 6:30PM, and I was doing last minute follow-ups with clients' requests. So I finally went to the bathroom at 6:30PM and finally breathed, for the first time today. Whew. Life is finally pickin' up its pace after a long languid summer.