"Make Love, Not War" Update

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I hate that people are needlessly dying. I saw a bumper sticker the other day, that said, "War is Terrorism." I wholeheartedly agree. There's got to be a better way.

I don't think I can say any more than what I've already said since April 2003 -- I'm going to refrain from commenting -- at least today.

The Supremacy of the White Male

I first read about it at Californian Sojourn and then Kaonashi Ga Suki, left a comment, then found that Tinka also wrote about it, and decided that I need to elaborate on my original comment left on Kaonashi Ga Suki, which has been erased, (I think it was my fault) so here I am.

I originally stated that the older generations, especially Filipinos, find whites to be desirable; the closer you are to white, the closer you are to success. I think that is just something resulted out of years of American influence in the Phillipines. Of course, I am not from the Phillipines. But I am Asian, so I can give an expert testimony on being Asian.

I agree with Tinka, who said that, we, as a society, are conditioned to uphold western ideals as the ideal. I think the ubiquitous McDonalds all around the world speaks volumes about that. You can get Coca Cola virtually anywhere on earth. Britney Spears' posters hang from the bedroom of a 13 year old Japanese boy.

When I first came to the US, I came with the notion that I will be living with blond-haired, blue-eyed, Barbie&Ken-like creatures. It is the stereotype that people associate with being American -- despite the fact that so many of us are colored, ethnic, and etc., we are still the minority, and in the eyes of the world, minorities don't count.

While I honestly believe that we are socially conditioned to respond favorably to the white ideal, there is also a bit of preference involved as well, especially in choosing a mate. In the recent weeks, I have met numerous men, and I won't lie to you: most were white. I won't call it a fetish, but I think there is symbolically something in having a white partner that makes me feel closer to being American -- like I'll be more Americanized if I hang out with an "American" person. I have to embody a sense of Americanization. I'm not American enough. As you all know, I am still having my battles with US Immigration; it's an on-going war, and there is a good chance that I may lose. But I still want to be American; perhaps those of you who were born into being American can't quite relate, but for foreigners in dire desire for the green card/citizenship, it is something to be coveted.

First of all, let me start out by saying that I am extremely Korean. People tell me that I speak with an accent (which I gained by spending more time in Koreatown than I do outside of it). I am polite to the extremes -- I can't tell people off, I can't say no to elders, and I still bow when I say hello or goodbye to customers. It's an Asian woman mannerism that I hate to employ, but has become habitual, because my daily life requires it (working in Koreatown and dealing with Koreans, etc).

One reason that whites are appealing is because they don't come with the baggage that comes with dating a fellow Korean. For example, if I am engaged in a serious relationship with a Korean man, I am open for speculation by his family. They are free to scrutinize, in case I don't meet their criterion for the perfect bride. Life has gotten less restrictive for Korean women over the last decade or so, but housework is predominantly done by women, and the raising of children is also predominantly women. That means women must sacrifice advancing in their careers for the sake of keeping a home and the sake of being a good mom. It's extremely hard -- it is not like in the US, where superwomen can do it all; be the soccer mom CEO who not only looks beautiful herself, but also keeps a beautiful home. I'm not saying that it's a piece of cake for women in the US, but it is attainable. in Korea, it's not. Even immigrants from Korea will expect that wives follow their husbands in decisions, among other things. Follow the husband to his church. Join his family. Even if the men are Americanized enough to uphold equality, there is a good chance that their family still thinks like people back home.

When I had mentioned that I plan on going to graduate school and going to medical school, some of the older generation told me that getting my bachelor's is enough -- no man likes a woman smarter than him. As long as you can snag a man who can support you and the kids financially, you won't need that extra degree. EXCUSE ME? And since I am ultra-polite and I am such a push-over(I admit it), I'll just nod and smile, rather than explaining to them that I am a separate entity from my husband, and that I am entitled to live my life as a free being.

My first boyfriend was my first long-term relationship. He was a great guy -- sweet and gentle, funny and intelligent. He was Korean, and lived with his evil sister. She made me feel like I should be subordinate. She told me not to wear heels because it will make my boyfriend(her brother) feel small. She told my boyfriend that I don't help her in the kitchen when she's doing stuff. I did not recall volunteering to be their kitchen-aid ever. If I went over to my Korean boyfriend's home, I would be expected to show off my kitchen-friendliness by helping with the cooking and offering to do the dishes, while everyone else sits back in the living room, talking and enjoying. I gripe about that a lot. But my best friend asked, if you love your boyfriend, wouldn't you want to do their dishes? Well, I say that if it is something I do not want to do, I should not feel guilty for not doing it, and they shouldn't talk behind my back and criticize me for it.

One reason why I am trying to avoid Korean men, is that most immigrant families are Christian. Avid Christians, who are not very tolerant of non-Christians, such as myself. If I dated a Korean man who is Christian, I would be pressured to attend church on Sunday morning. Impression that I got from "white" people, is that they respect my choice to opt for or against a religion. I appreciate that. You just don't know it unless you are an atheist with a protestant pressure down your throat.

I also took a physical attraction test, which told me that I am extremely attracted to the tall,dark, and handsome types -- mainly brunettes with blue eyes. I didn't even know the photos I picked (as being attractive) had blue eyes, but they all did. I'm not too fond of Ken, i.e. blond, surfer guy types. I thought I would like blond haired men -- at least that's what I thought mentally. Innately, perhaps, or perhaps it is something subconsciously socialized, but I like dark hair and blue eyes. Now, I really can't explain that, but I think that's just a simple preference. Do you like red wine or white? Do you like beer or vodka? Do you prefer Kate Hudson or Halle Berry? Do you prefer coke or pepsi? There are just some things that we prefer over another, and that's not to say that the option not chosen is inferior; it's simply a matter of taste. Some men like voluptuous women, while some men like thin women. Some women like buff, muscular AH-nold men, while some women like the sensual Adrian Brody type men.

Oh gosh. These days, I can't seem to focus and adhere to a topic. I really can't remember where I was going with this, which is frustrating. In my entire academic career, all my English instructors unanimously told me that I need more focus in my writing. Topic sentences, thesis, support, etc. etc. etc. It's one of those adversaries that I've got to overcome, if I want any future in academia.

I'll just leave you with the same thought that Tinka left me with: people with date whomever they wish to date, and they do not need to justify their choices with anyone else but themselves. Thank you for reading through that long crap!

I Didn't Blog Yesterday?

I didn't blog yesterday. I think that might be my first day-off from blogging in a loooong time! I spent most of yesterday without a computer, as my computer at work was practically dead. Thankfully, there is a computer store next door, and they replaced the power supply and revived it. However, I had to sit in bleak oblivion for most of the workday, hence no blogging. When I got home, I finally decided to do laundry (or was forced to do laundry due to lack of clothes).

I had postponed it so long that I actually did not have clothes to wear to the laundromat. So in the intense heat of August, I went to do the laundry in a matching red velour track suit -- top and bottom. I spent a good half an hour dying from the heat, came home, stripped to my skivvies and stuffed my clothes in the dryer (we have a washer and dryer, but the washer's broken). I spent the evening lounging around, more than half nude -- can you say naked? It was a good feeling, but apparently Nabee did not appreciate my frank attitude about nudity, as I did spend the rest of the evening yelping about, as she nipped my ankles every chance she got.

Conversation:

Yours Truly: ... yeah, I live with my mom, my brother, and my cat. S: Oh, is your cat male or female? YT: Female. S: Is it nice? YT: ...?

I was dumbfounded and at a loss of words. Is my cat nice? My cat's sassy, sometimes sweet, seldom sorry, but always fabulous. I don't think I can describe Nabee as being nice or not nice. She's just a fantastic cat she is, without being held down to the boundaries of niceties. But I felt like I hit a brick wall with that question. Nice?

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
-George W. Bush
(Addressing Pentagon Officials Thursday)

Got it here.

It's always nice to see an honest politician.

I've been nursing my flu symptoms. They haven't blown out, full-fledged into a crazy viral attack, but I'm wary of it getting out of hand. West Nile Virus has struck California, and there's a handful of people who have come down with the virus, and the death toll, I believe, is already two. Or was it three? I did get a mosquito bite a week or so ago...

Re-thinking Newspaper Subscription

I am re-thinking my newspaper subscription. I can't say this enough: I am cheap. I am frooooogle. I don't like wasting money, especially my money, but even other people's money. Less than one week into my newspaper subscription, I am already depressed. Not a single day goes by without the front page getting adorned with headlines with words like "terrorist," "Iraq," "DNC," "Kerry," "Bush," and so on. It's either fighting in wars abroad, or defending against terrorists in the US, and the rest of the page is something about the election. It's not as bad as the Korean newspapers (in the US, mainly in SoCal), but bad enough. And they're supposed to have won Pulitzers, for heaven's sake.

I'm really not griping about the lack of diversity on the front page, as I am griping about the election coverage. I know. Yeah. It's important. The man who wins in November will become one of the most powerful man in the Universe. We'll live under his regime for the next four years. It's important, I know. But what I'm feeling is that the more we allow ourselves to be driven by the election, the more candidates will be driven by the election.

I don't think history is altered greatly because of the election of single president. Abe Lincoln was one of the greatest presidents in the US. Agree? Most will agree, that Honest Abe was a great guy, because he abolished slavery (generalizing to make a point here) and unified the US. Honestly though, do you think that slavery would not have been abolished, had Abe Lincoln not been elected president? From the bottom of my heart, I think it would still have been abolished, there still would have been some sort of war between the North and the South, and someone would have lost, and eventually both sides would have kissed and made up. Maybe not exactly the way history played out, but quite similar.

If JFK wasn't assassinated, what would be so different? Sure, Jackie would not have gotten her "O." but that's probably it.

People think that if Bush is re-elected, gay marriages won't go through, and our government will still be in a deficit, he's just gonna aggravate people and make pre-emptive strikes against other countries he don't like. You know what? It will be the same, if Kerry lived in the White House. Gay marriages won't go through if the majority of American's feel that it's not a good thing. Whether it's right or wrong doesn't matter -- if enough people feel "ok" about it, it will happen. It don't matter if Kerry's the prez or Bush is the prez. If enough people want it, Bush/Kerry's administration will have to reluctantly say "ok." It's the power of the masses, the power of the people that changes will, not one man.

If the government feels that a country is a big enough of a threat to the US that the US needs to attack, it doesn't matter if Bush is President or Kerry's president. What matters, is that these situations happen, and no matter who is in charge, there's got to be a response for it. It may be a pre-emptive attack, or it may be a response to an attack. It a situation calls for war, it will happen. I'm not saying wars are nice; it's the inevitable that I'm talking about here.

So, you may ask, why bother caring, if what will happen will happen? Just que sera sera, right? Wrong. The people need to take their power back. Don't just acquiesce to getting your power taken away. Vote. Say something. Demand that your voice be heard. Don't relinquish your power to one man! Don't make it all about the election, because election season is brief (although the media drags it out to make it seem longer); the four years that man is in power, is a pretty darn long time. Don't make it all about some man coming to power; make it about hiring a great person to work for you, to work for your country. And make sure that man knows that he's working for you, and that you pay his salary. (And, try to make it a woman the next time around.)

iPod

I've decided. I'm going to get an iPod. I'm going for the iPod Mini, as it is smaller, and comes in a variety of colors. And 4 GB of music is probably more than I need at one time anyways. Y'all know I'm a bit Froogle when it comes to purchasing things. Not so much frugle; it is probably better to describe it as obsessive. I'm anal. I don't pay for things that aren't juuuuuust right. It took me half a year to figure out the digital camera that was juuuuuust right for me, and almost as long for a discman.

I'm going to be doing some heavy-duty research on it, but I'll be getting it from Amazon.com. One of the perks at my job is that I get gift certificates depending on our sales records -- it's about $100 a month, more or less. One of the places I can get the gift certificate is Amazon.com, which is probably the only reason why I would be able to afford an iPod. I've been drooling over it for some time now (see left for my Amazon wish list). I'm hoping to get it by Octoberish.

I'm also going to get a scanner. I need want one. I have old photos I would like to scan (rather than taking photos of it with my digital camera and transferring it to my comp), and would like to scan other things. It would be much more convenient, and as I am an amateur artist (I'd like to think that my blog layouts incorporate a lot of artistic skills and an eye for the aesthetics), I would like to see what I can do, given the tools. I've gotten my hands on the much coveted (by me) Adobe Photoshop -- yep, I got my grubby lil fingers all over'em.

The only thing that makes me hesitate, is the fact that I always want to do a lot of things, but usually don't end up completing them. Much like many of my New Year's Resolutions, they're good for a few days, and afterwards, they're no good. Like how I was going to paint and etc.. I have a sketchbook and board from the days I took art classes (I'm not too bad!) and bought paint and charcoal, but never got around to doing much painting or charcoaling. And let's not even talk about that clarinet that's still gathering dust in the corner of my room (I think at one point, Nabee sat on the case, wiping off most of the dust, so that the "dust-gathering" kinda started over)!

Well, we'll see... I still have to do research and all...

Mmmm... Food...

Food is wonderful. It is the true source of happiness. I love food.

Having said that, let me also say this. I am using Weight Watchers to gain a sense of control over what I consume. Because at this rate, I'll be eating myself out of house and home. Once I got into it, mentally, I start seeing points for every morsel of food I encounter throughout the day. But it's great -- I manage to get myself feeling satisfied without splurging -- I mean, I had lettuce today! Those of you who know me well know that I'm not a very close friend to the veggies -- I love some of them, but even those I don't eat too often, which is actually one of the things I wanted to fix in my nutrition intake. Normally, Korean people eat pretty healthy; we always have rice with various ban-chan's (side dishes) like kimchi, which are usually made from veggies. But, I eat very little of those dishes, and eat mainly rice and meat (bulgogi, galbi, fish, chicken, cooked in a variety of ways), which is probably as unhealthy as a Big Mac (which, by the way, I love).

So I think this is a good choice for me. I won't get too into it, but I'm getting rather obsessive about points (not obsessive about how many I'm eating, but obsessive about calculating and finding out the nutrion facts label on the food and so on). So when I tried to have some chocolate today -- god bless Hershey -- I couldn't resist the temptation to count the points in it. It wasn't as high as one would expect -- I could probably have it in my daily diet. Four yummilicious blocks of the Hershey's Symphony: Creamy Milk Chocolate with Almonds & Toffee Chipsequals one serving, which is 6 pts. I wasn't craving it too much, so I just wanted one block, (1.5 points, more or less) so I broke off a piece.And that (see left) is what happened. Crap. How many points is that? I think I had learned my lesson, to not be so anal. It doesn't suit me. I had to estimate the points, which left me feeling ikcy. It's definitely more than one block, but also definitely less than two... It looks more than one and half blocks, but not quite one and three quarters... Finally decided that it would count as one and three-fifths of a block, and also decided that my extensive worrying over the number of points on this minute piece of candy has caused me to burn off the number of calories it contains anyways, so doesn't really matter. So I picked up the whole thing, and threw it in my mouth -- no bites, no licks. It was goooooooood. If there is a god, as I have been reading The Bible, I think he forgot something when he took Eden away from Adam and Eve. He forgot to take the chocolate away! I would imagine living in Eden to be just like the feeling you get when you're savoring that mouth-watering, smooth, luxurious, the most sensual piece of chocolate. Chocolate. Better than any recreational drug known to man. Yum.

What A Day

What a day. Whew. I had an advertising crisis. The scheduled ads did not come out, and resulted in a loss of $1300. Not $13, not $130, but $1300. It was partly my fault for not having my eyes peeled open -- I guess it is due to my inexperiences with advertising, as I had only started taking care of it, but truly, there's just no excuse. I hung my head in shame all day long, and now my neck is starting to feel the pain.

You know that feeling when you did something so horribly wrong? So wrong that you just can't do anything to make it right, and all you can hope is for time to pass by quickly? I'm pretty sure two days from now it won't be too big of an issue, but until then, I'm going to be quiet as a mouse and try my best not to attract any attention onto myself.

I spent half the day playing phone-tag with my newspaper rep, who also happens to be my former boss. Ultimately, he's really sorry. I'd say the paper is about 80% at fault. (20% would be mine -- if I had checked the paper daily and concentrated on making sure it appeared each day, this would not have happened. If it didn't appear, I could have called the paper on time and screamed bloody murder at them, but it's too late once the end of the month passes by...) He's really sorry, but when it comes down to it, I am to blame. I hate getting blamed, even if I deserve it.

So it feels like a typical Monday. It was busy; I had work up and down the wazoo, and did not even have time for my morning coffee (it's 6PM now). It was hell; everyone was either mad at me, complaining at me, or saying the same thing over and over and over (what's the activation fee? How do I check voicemail? What's the activation fee? How do I take pictures? Activation fee? What's that?). And as an added bonus, flu symptoms are still around, and I've got an awful headache going. So yes, it is a typical Monday.

Excuse me, I need to go beat the shit out of a certain CPA (more on that perhaps, later) and certain Newspaper team and a few customers. (Smiles sinisterly while imagining doing evil things... muhahahaha~)

First of August / Birthday Reflections

I am starting out my second day as a 24-year-old right. I woke up early (considering it's a Sunday -- 8:00 AM!) and fetched the newspaper, went to mailbox and picked up a new special issue of Cosmopolitan magazine, and the final issue ever (for me, that is) of Seventeen magazine. Why on earth am I reading Seventeen magazine when I was seventeen seven years ago? Beats me. I chuck it to my laziness in cancelling the subscription -- these freaks auto-renew themselves with my credit card. Finally, my credit card expiration date had arrived and they couldn't renew unless I gave them a new expiration date! So Ha! I digress again.

So I spent the morning sipping on coffee, reading Cosmo from cover to cover, and then flipping through the newspaper, reading an article on Teresa Heinz Kerry yet again, more on the election, terrorism, Al Qaeda, nothing too drastically exciting. Then I got to my favorite part of the Sunday LA Times -- yep, you guessed it, the coupons. There's something extremely satisfying about clipping coupons. I don't even use half of them. In fact, if I use about 3% of my clippings, that's probably a good thing. Because I don't buy these things -- first of all, I realized that while the Swiffer WetJet™ comes with plenty of coupons in the paper, my Clorox one doesn't have any. Thankfully, I don't mop too frequently I'll just have to be frugal about it.

Well, after spending a good chunk of my morning leisurely reading and slicing and dicing coupons, I got hungry. A full-grown woman of 24 years need more than a coffee for breakfast. So I got up and grabbed a Quaker Oatmeal Breakfast Square. I had my first square last night. It tasted awful. First of all, I am not a fan of oatmeal. We always have the oatmeal with the quaker guy on it at home, and I have it when I'm absolutely dying of hunger and there is not a bite to eat in the house (both instances, are extremely rare, since my mom always stocks the entire kitchen with yummies). But since I am rapidly aging, I wanted to start eating right. That means no consumption of an entire tub of ice cream in one sitting (in my defense, I was opening up space in the freezer), no drinking coffee morning, day, and night, and not eating unconsciously while my eyes are fixated on the telly. I'm not doing some weird, no-carb or South Beach or Zone diet. I'm just simply more interested in eating a bit more veggies, and slightly less ice cream. If I'm lactose intolerant, and I'm consuming more ice cream than I do anything else, there's a problem, obviously.

I had this yesterday: Anyone care to guess what it is? It's a soup made from seaweed. It's a traditional soup that one consumes on his/her birthday. It comes from the fact that this soup is actually the first thing a woman eats after she gives birth -- so to commemorate that exciting event called labor, Koreans have this soup every birthday. In my household, my mom makes this soup for each of my and my brother's birthday, and yesterday was no exception. And this soup, contrary to what it may look (from a non-Korean's p.o.v., it might look like a mirky swamp-colored soup with sea plants in it), is EXTREMELY tasty. Especially since I had the symptoms of a nasty cold! This is like comfort food, at least for me. And the soup, although quite transparent and liquidy, fills you up very well, without much fat! There's left overs, so I'll be having some more for lunch, and possibly dinner (my mom must've been Italian in her past life or something; whenever she cooks, she seems to think that she's cooking for an entire infantry unit, a large family).

You know, birthdays are not all about taking tequila shots off a hot chick's belly button (innie, not an outie, people) and gettind doused with champagne. It's about maturity.

So, to reflect on my concept of the birthday, here it is. I wanted to think about my accomplishments as a 23-year-old, and my shortcomings as a 23-year-old, and how I can do more things like the former and minimalize the latter, as a 24-year-old. I mean, each year you live should be better than your last, right?

I had the great experience of getting my first straight A's (in all 5 classes, thankyouverymuch) since high school. I worked hard, slept very little, but I endured. The semester before that I also had A's, but I dropped the second semester Calculus (makes me shudder thinking about it) and fell under the requirement of taking 12 units, so that's not too good.

In the last two years I have worked at my current job (extremely sedentary work involving me, in a chair, on the phone) I gained 20 lbs. I became overweight and did not get any exercise. Last springish, I lost 13 of those 20 lbs, but I gained a 3 back after school was out (spending more time at work, hence, less motility). I don't intend to look like a supermodel, and I doubt that I could even if I swore off carbs (heinous!). I just want to get rid of this poochy tummy, because for goodness sakes, I'm not a kangaroo. I think going back to school will help exponentially, because 1. I'll be spending less time sitting and sitting and sitting at work. 2. I'll be spending less time at work, stressing and stressing and stressing. 3. I'll be engaged in an educational and entertaining environment with more free time, hence less stress and more motility. 4. My school's parking lot is on the top of a ziggurat-style mountain (you better click on the link if you don't know what a ziggurat is -- and it's not related to Juggernaut), which doubles as a stairmaster. I am going to denounce sedentary life!

Oh, and another thing -- I will be getting a cell phone with a fully functional text message capability -- say no more to the 23-year-old who could not tell the sender of the text message she receives! I think I'm going to like being 24... you know, it could be worse. It could have been 13 going on 30. I mean, how horrible is 30? Oh wait -- I think 29 would be worse, because of the anticipation of turning the big three-oh. Well, I'm just 24 now, so I'll enjoy it while it lasts.