THIS IS VERY FRUSTRATING. My previous entry written this afternoon does not end with "I am a fraud." It actually had two paragraphs after that, probably about a good 200 words, which has now been shot off to cyberspace, never to be found. It is really pesky when I lose chunks of writing like that -- it seems so fake that I am going to re-write what I was writing before! I mean, my blog is not a well-thought-out articles or essays, as you may have noticed. They are splattering of my actual thought processes. These are words that just zoom out, from my brain to my fingertips and typed onto the blogger screen. They are my only source of spontaneity. My blog is animated, because it is real -- no editing is done to it! To lose a paragraph or two and to re-write it, recollecting the thoughts, is not upto par with the essense of my blog. My blog is urgent. It is alive, and when I write in my blog, it is fast. A whole collection of ideas, words, phrases, verbs just start blasting out, and my poor fingers just try to keep up with it. That is my blog. So, although I wish I could recover the lost paragraphs, I will not demean my blog by trying to recapture what's already been lost. I can only tell it like it is. It is gone -- my words, my humble yet sweet words. Although they are lost in the world wide web, may they find proper solace somewhere.

Html is very difficult, and it's even more so because it's quite unlike anything I have ever encountered. It would be great if I could write html scripts completely from scratch; I actually can, but they don't turn out too beautiful looking. All you nead is a a head and a body, and surround it by the letters html in brackets. But it would be wonderful to create tables and boxes and all sorts of layout... right now all my html work is an eclectic collection created by my proficiency in "copy" and "paste." Having completed kindergarten with soaring grades (do they have grades in kindergarten?) as a young child, I am quite good at pasting, and copying is something I learned along the way. I secretly stalk web-pages made by html-ists that I admire, and copy and paste parts of their codes that I covet. Yes, that is the dark devilish secrets of my blog templates. They look so creative and organized (best of two very different worlds) with a space for each little thing -- but alas, they are no works of mine. I guess I could think of it in a positive way -- although they are not my works, they are a compilation created by yours truly. But that would only be my plagiaristic side trying to negotiate the truth. I am a fraud.

Something fishy is going on with my web browser at work. It keep showing error screens! Well, that's another topic anyhoot.

I am reading a lot on these suicides by high-schoolers in Korea. Evidently they jump to their death off of apartment buildings and such because of the immense pressure and stress they are under. This kind of thing has been going on for years, but lately the death toll has risen and now it's making headlines. There's also the ¿Õµû (wang-ttah) syndrome, which can be loosely translated as being an outcast. Fairly young adults in their 30's and 40's commit suicide because of lack of mobility in their jobs + stress and constant increase in debt. Korea may look like a country that is advanced and well off, hosting the 1988 Olympics and the 2002 World Cup, but in truth it is a difficult place to live with limited choices. Competition to survive is fierce.

Flu season is kicking in big time. Even with the all-powerful Dayquil (which used to work wonders for me) is not helping with the current symptoms. I still can't breathe through my nose, my eyes get very teary, and just the headache from sinus pressure alone is killing me. I want to go home and go back to bed.

I had to get up early this morning and get to LA, because I had to help a friend out. He needed to go to the DMV and I needed to drive and accompany him. We went to this damned DMV about 5-6 times!! Everytime we had to return because of one reason and then another reason. DMV is hell. So many people waiting, babies crying, we made appointments but the name did not show up on some list, etc. etc. Making appointments does help, but the morning traffic to LA is just too much for me. I had to get up so early!! I am lethargic. I am doing the count-down until I get out from work again. So less than 7 hrs to go... After lunch, before I know it, it would be approx 3PM. Then only 4 hours to go. Counting down makes me feel better.

Must... beat... flu....!!!

My my it is getting quite cold. Temperature right now: 50 degrees farhenhietuit. I can never ever spell that word correctly. Feh-ren-height. Fahrenheit. Probably a German dude's last name. Maybe someday, I'll be famous for converting the U.S. to the metric system. Then the economy will dwindle, stock market will crash, and all would be blamed on me. So for now at least, I will secretly measure everything in the metric system.

I have decided to take up studying for the GRE. I do believe that probably less than 5 years from now I will go to graduate school -- either graduate school to pursue a masters degree, or medical school. Or both consecutively. If so, I will inevitably have to take the GRE, and if I skip the grad school part, I would either way have to take the MCAT. Both are standardized tests, which is a weakness that I have. For the SAT's I would have expected myself to have gotten 1400-1450. But needless to say that despite several attempts, my score did not get that high. I went to Kaplan and answered some sample verbal questions. I had about 40% correct and the rest were flat out wrong. They were fill in the blank (in a sentence) and analogies. That led me to believe that I have a depressingly sad range of vocabulary. Yes, I am a foreigner with limited English knowledge. So I dug out some vocab flashcards I had since the 9th grade (which I didn't bother to study then... I should have...) and some SAT vocab flashcards that came with a study guide. I realize that I don't know a lot of words. Imagine what it would be like if I knew double the amount of words I know today. It would give me much more power as a writer, and also as a speaker. I would be able to sound more intelligent. Not some blithering idiot who can't write a complex/compound sentence and don't know its difference from a simple sentence.

For example, what is relegate? Garbled? Ascendancy? They sound like easy words with roots that seem familiar, but I really don't know these words. I think I know most of the words in the SAT flashcards -- I'll have to tackle them first. Maybe I'll reserve a section of my blog for "word of the day" or something like that. The only way I will remember these words is to use them. As my 9th grade English teacher, Mrs. Hancock used to say, "make it your own~!" You have to use it to own it. After all, property is nine-tenth of the law, right?

I was kind of at a loss after I dropped math, because I didn't have a challenge to overcome. I didn't have a mountain or hill to climb, I didn't have a goal. Until the end of 2003, I will learn some new words! When I say these things -- I don't realize how much like a uber-geek I sound. Well, I am an uber-geek. Now you know.

I still haven't had a chance to get music to play for the clarinet. But I did listen to some violin concerto on 105.1 FM and I was intensely aroused to get my violin out from under my bed. Boy, do I wish I had a word other than "intensely" to describe how much I was provoked. Well, I can work on that.

It's coooooold. Brrr~! I am wearing sandals, as usual, without socks. My toes are very well chilled. I have flu symptoms and they are just horrendous. Stuffy nose, headache, sore throat, everything. I shouldn't walk outside with wet hair anymore... I took Day-quil this morning, and it did alleviate some of the symptoms. Although it's been over 6 hours since I've taken it, the symptoms have not returned. Usually they get worse late at night or early in the morning. Hopefully I should be spared much pain while I am at work.

Some interesting things on the news today. This Green River Killer of the 1980's in the Seattle area has confessed to killing more than 40 women. Wow. He surpasses Ted Bundy in his murders, and he has recently offered a deal to get out of the death penalty by negotiating with detectives and offering information on the victims tragedies. If my family member was murdered, I would probably want him to share the info and live a life sentence... I mean, he's going to be punished anyway -- it is better that the survivors of the victims at least gain some understanding of what happened. Knowing can help close some doors, possibly. Although I wouldn't really know. Maybe I would just wish for his death.

More soldiers have returned from Iraq to San Diego. I wonder for how long this conflict with Iraq will continue. It is really sad when even Red Cross and other humanitarian organizations are targetted. Would I be able to withstand the pressures of serving in an organization like the Red Cross or Medicins Sans Frontieres? I mean, Red Cross is a universally known group -- known for their neutrality and their services. They don't want to set-up democracy, they don't want to look for weapons, they have no agenda. That is really how I am. I don't have strong political affiliations -- I just wish well for everyone. If Arnold becomes Governor, then fine. I just hope that he proves to be a good one. If U.S. goes to war, let's hope it's quick and painless, and that the U.S. will emerge as victors. But the times have changed, and terror is on the rise. Some universally accepted rules and sanctions such as neutrality are no longer valid.

Also on the news today: Report: Deer-Related Accidents Cost $1.1B. Yeah. It's surprising what some things are news. But deers are common in the hills of Glendale(which is not where I live) and from what I have heard, they are quite a menace. They eat the grassy lawns of the community that lives there, traveling in herds. Also the rabbits are pretty crazy -- they eat a lot of gardens. Strange town, but nevertheless it's home, sweet home.

Really really random thoughts: I had a delicious burrito for dinner. It was rather oily towards the end, but it was meaty and warm. I had jjam-bbong for lunch, although I wanted soon-doo-boo(tofu). It's nippy. I have a speech due for speech class tomorrow, and I haven't started. My fingers smell like jalapeno and I need to wash my hair. It's so chilly that my brain seems to have frozen. My fingers are not as proficient in their typing. Right now, I constantly feel like someone is staring at the back of my neck. Eerie. I have a lot on my mind.

The Blogging Iceberg: Of 4.12 Million Weblogs, Most Little Seen and Quickly Abandoned

Internet Littered With Dead Web Sites

People, please don't abandon your blogs/websites! Think of the orphaned web-pages!

I have gotten my archives back. There's something wrong with it still -- it doesn't show my previous "skins" as they were... the links just show the blog entries in my current template. Better than nothing, I guess...

Ok... and here's two pictures of my cat, Nabee.

Here she is, pretending to be asleep. You can tell she's not sleeping because her ears are perked up high. If you look closely, her eyes are slightly ajar.
Here she is about to get up. Obviously, the flash from the previous photo has annoyed her, as she is not camera-friendly -- something about having the camera add 10 pounds... She is an adorable cat.

It's a beautiful beautiful day. A lot of the smog that had seemingly permanent has actually cleared up, and it's a fabulous fabulous day. Yesterday, the day was so fantastic that I brought my camera out and snapped random photos as I drove. Yes, I took pictures while driving. The photos came out pretty shabby... I'm not a great photographer, and to press the shutter randomly while driving... that's just a bad idea, I've learned. Here are some photos I have managed to take...

That's a picture taken as I left for work on Saturday... it's such a clear day!
Above is taken from Silverlake Blvd. There's a lake and a lot of little homes up on the adjacent hills.
That is a building that is reflecting another building in Koreatown.
The above two pictures may look like it's snowing, but it's just the waterspots from the previous days of showers we had!
Look at the high sky! It's just gorgeous!
Breathtaking... I know my photography is humble, but I hope you get the essense of what I am trying to show.