400th Post: Remember the Value of Time

Imagine that you have a bank that deposits $864.00 (86400 cents) into your account every morning. However, at the end of the day, the bank takes away all that remains in that account. If so...

The money you did not spend will go to waste.
What would you do?

Of course you would withdraw all the money and spend it, right?
Time is like this imaginary bank.

Every morning, we get 86400 seconds to spend,
and every night, the time we don't spend wisely just vanishes into thin air.
There is no remaining balance. You can't spend more than the allotted either.

Every morning this bank will give you that exact same amount,
and Every night, the remaining money is destroyed.

If you don't spend the money that day, you are the only person who lose.
You can't go back, and you can't put it off until tomorrow.
You are only living with the amount given to you today.

For your health, happiness, and success, use the maximum you can.
While time flies, we must exert our maximum effort to spend it well.

If you want to know the price of one year
Ask a student who flunked a year of school.

If you want to know the price of one month
Ask a mother who gave birth to a premature infant.

A week's worth can be told by weekly magazine editors.

If you are curious about the price of one hour
Ask a person who waits for his/her beloved,

The price of one minute to a person who missed the train

The price of one second to a person who barely missed a fatal accident

The price of one-thousandth of a second to the runner who has to settle for the silver medal.

Because you value every moment given to you
And because you have shared that time with
the special people worth your time investment
These moments are so precious.

It is common logic that time waits for no one
Yesterday is already a past history, and the future cannot be known.

Today is the gift given to you And that is why we call the present (now) a present (gift).

The original text, from which I translated:

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It's Fun Fun Friday!

Here are some interesting and humorous web sites...

www.engrish.com
Well, this one is famous, I guess. It helped me realize that there are other people out there who find problems with odd-ball English written on Hello-Kitty or Barunson Fancy merchandises -- call me anal English major lady, but these are just too good to keep to myself!

Super078's HomePage
This one is for those with minimal Korean reading skills -- very basic and yet packed with just laugh-out-loud humor!

Google Me Keyword Award

The honor of "most bizarre keyword, which, when entered on Google, outputs my blog as one of the search results" Award goes to:

i need to rent a trailer for trash in santa ana

Honorable mentions include: "prove hell is exothermic," "Badger Song Subliminal Message," and the popular "Stanford bi bim bop."

**Stats were provided by Statcounter.com.

Google Me!

Pictures of the U.S.'s weather between May 17-24 2004
Stanford bi bim bop
Berkeley "English major" blog

What do these things** have it common? After I found out about statcounter.com, I have been using it. Statcounter is much better in reporting to me how my visitors arrived at my blog than sitemeter does, no offense to sitemeter, which itself is great also. I found that my blog has nearly twice as much visitors on Monday and Tuesday as they do the rest of the week -- Wednesday is alright, and after Thursday, the visits taper off. After trying to find the reason for that (my blog entries are more interesting on Mondays perhaps?) I came across this completely bizarre thing.

I found that some people came into my blog via Google's search engine. While it is nice to see that I pop up under Google, it seems rather strange to be first on the list when the phrases, "stanford bi bim bop" "Berkeley 'English major' blog" and "Pictures of the U.S.'s weather between May 17-24 2004" are searched. My blog has never mentioned a stanford bi bim bop, nor a restaurant serving bi bim bop in the vicinity of Stanford university; I am not a Berkeley English major, although I'd like to be on day; my blog definitely does NOT have pictures of the U.S.'s weather between May 17-24 2004, nor any other pictures of U.S.'s weather, whatever that may look like.

So perhaps you, too, came here through Google and are not seeing what you seek. I apologize for that, but blame Google, not me. But since you're here, please get to know my blog -- I do try to post interesting content and freshen things up every once in a while with a new layout, and try to be grammatically compliant when possible!

**There were other bizarre key words that popped up my blog... I will post them too at a later time. =o)

Term Paper Finished

I finished the term paper on The Aeneid and The Odyssey. I made a good outline and although I did go over the word limit by 300 words, I don't feel half bad about it. Here's the beginning of the essay:

The Odyssey of Homer and The Aeneid of Virgil are prime examples of Greek and Roman literature, respectively. Both tales address the theme of a journey, written in classic epic structure: beginning in medias res, grand battle scenes, love affairs, and supernatural intervention. Both journeys take place shortly after the Trojan War, and both Odysseus and Aeneas, spend many years completing their journeys. While the two epics are nearly parallel in structure and similar in culture, The Odyssey presents a tale that feels closer to our world by several factors: the motivation of its creation by the author, the motivation for the hero to complete the journey, and the obstacles encountered by the hero and how he deals with them. When one considers the challenges and concerns of twenty-first century life, The Odyssey is more relevant to modern times than The Aeneid.

The final sentence, which is, I guess the thesis, is not my own words. The instructor gave the thesis which we were to use, verbatim, as a thesis.

I am tired. I went to bed half past two AM, and work up near the crack of dawn. My body can't function on so little sleep, and by tonight, it will inevitably start signs of going haywiring (stuttering, jitteriness, etc). After the discussion last night about Milton's Paradise Lost I'd like to write some stuff about it, but for the moment, it is just too much. Please, just one epic at a time!

I called the nursing department a little while ago, and the person who answered said that the letters of acceptance (or denials) will be sent out "before the end of May." He just could NOT give an approximate time. So, here I'll be, writhing in tortuous pain for another possibly three weeks. Oh goody.

Procrastination Wins Again!

My punctuality had been hanging on a thread for dear life, and finally has lost its grip. Tonight, a paper for my English Lit class was due. I missed the deadline for the first time. Well, I also did miss an economics assignment, but that is in no comparison with the proportions of an essay. I knew this day would come, when I would finally lose my footing on the concept of fleeting time. Sure, I could make up the work and turn it in next week. But a deadline missed is a deadline missed, and there is no way the press waits for your words.

Now I have another paper, a term paper, due tomorrow morning. I am to compare and contrast the relevance of The Odyssey and The Aeneid to modern times. Thankfully, the epics have been read, but unfortunately, they have yet to be studied in much detail. One can't study these tales of literally epic proportions overnight! Looks like I have met my doom. It is with great sorrow that I admit defeat.

25 Books to Read Before You're 25

Or any age, it should say. This month's (June 2004) issue of Seventeen Magazine features a list of 25 books, compiled by the First Lady and former librarian, Laura Bush; books, as the title indicates, to be read before one turns a quarter of a century in age.

Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Atonement
Bless Me, Ultima
The Brothers Karamazov
Ethan Frome
Flannery O'Connor: The Complete Stories
The French Lieutenant's Woman
The Heart of the Matter
I, Claudius
Jane Eyre
A Lesson Before Dying
The Little Prince
My Antonia
Mornings on Horseback
Music for Chameleons
The Optimist's Daughter
Pride and Prejudice
The Razor's Edge
Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books
Rebecca
The Secret Life of Bees
Ship of Fools
Siddhartha
Sophie's Choice
War and Peace

I think it is a very good selection spanning a good range of variety. It is the first good thing I've read in this magazine -- I had been kicking myself in the shin ever since the day I found myself subscribing to it (I was conned by my credit card company, which offered me a year's subscription for just two dollars!). I know I really can't speak for a seventeen-year-old, which seems to be the magazine's target reader, but when I imagine myself at 17, or even 16 or 15, I really can't imagine myself putting up with worthless pieces of crap. Articles about cheap lip glosses and what to do when your boyfriend's parent(s) walk in when you two are going at it like horny rabbits, tips for bikini waxes, extremely simplified solutions to relationship problems... it's the self-help book for youths, which isn't reinforcing the values of life as a youth.

In their college section, where they feature one college, they show about 8 pages on the fashions of the students, and one measly sidebar (more like a paragraph of 50-100 words) on stats. What about the great programs they offer? What makes them stand out? They simply imply that the major reason one would select U of Hawaii is for the beaches and the array of bikini one can wear, and to choose U of Texas, Austen is for the great outdoor music and festivities. What about the rigorous academics, or the well-known atheletics department?

In my opinion, Seventeen is as good as smut for the teenage girl. Regardless, the 25 books to read before you're 25, as listed above, does seem like a good set of choices. Amazing, the contrasts. But since I've barely read any on the list, and I will turn 25 in little over a year, I've got a lot of reading to do! War and Peace might be a reach, but I'd want at least one good Russian novel under my belt before the quarter of a century mark.

In Midst of Great Hardships...

I am now a Flippery Fish in the TTLB Ecosystem! Yay! (See left)

Ooh Hello Hello!

Fear

I am blogging from my e-mail. Apparently, now I can e-mail my posts to blogger, and it will appear on my blog. Maaaaaarvelous, don't you think?

Well, I've been thinking. You know, when I graduated from HS, I thought the years of uncertainty had passed. Because most people deem the adolescent years as the time when people do most/all of the soul searching and wandering, I never assumed that this kind of uncertainty would find its way into my life again, at least not before I'd face my midlife crisis. Well, I was wrong.

I think I did most of my soul searching in my early twenties, and I think I'm still in that process. My adolescent years are marked by a fierce decidedness. There was no vagueness about losing innocences and growing up, or rite of passage, that sort of thing. I knew, with an immense absolution, where I'd be going, how, when, why, and everything else. I had my life mapped out, and there would be no plan B, because my plan was just perfect and set in stone. Turns out I'm wrong a lot of times.

These days, there are a lot of uncertain things in my life. For example, will I be living in the US next year? Will I still be a college student? Will I get into the nursing program? Will I ever? Would graduate school be totally out of the question? Will I be happy? Will I live with my family? If I were to leave, will my cat be cared for?

A lot of questions without answers loom in my mind constantly. Thankfully, it's not an endless ordeal. There is a some-what deadline for most of these questions to be resolved. That deadline, is this summer. The summer of 2004 will clear doubts and set things straight, whether for better or worse. Knowing isn't the hardest part; Waiting is. I can cope with negative turn-outs of events. It's harder when you don't know the outcome.

The summer of 2004 will tell a lot of things. It will tell me if this immigration problem will be settled, at least temporarily. It will tell me if I can finally, after years of waiting, start this nursing program. It will tell me if I will quit my job and yet have enough funds for schooling myself. That's just some of the major stuff that will be resolved. Not necessarily because I worked on these things, but because that's just when their vagueness expire. They expire this summer.

When I was little, every time we'd go to the mall, I'd always walk into the toy store and grab hold of the giant 8-ball. The one you shake while asking a question and turn it over for an answer; the one that later inspired me to make a concept for the yearbook design when I was in HS. Even at that age, not knowing must have frightened me for me to have consulted a black ball with water in it. Not even crystal, for heaven's sake!

I'm a control freak. I know I will never become a drug addict, because you have to relinquish so much control to do drugs. I've done my share of bad things, but being blurry eyed and dizzy as hell and driving through the streets of Hollywood (which isn't pleasant, by the way, as most out-of-staters think) wasn't my moment of glory.

I can't handle situations where I don't have complete control. It isn't to say that I'm a power-obsessed freak who must control what everyone does. I just like to know that I can go to my "safe place" whenever I need to. That's why I always drive myself when I go out. It is why even when I didn't need to, I worked, because having a few greenbacks in your hands give you a bit more power and ability.

Right now, all the things that I'm worried about, are things that are completely out of my control. I am dependent on other forces and subject to their decisions be it fate or BCIS. Have you ever relinquished all control? Some say that to have an orgasm, you have to. Some say marriage is like that in a way, because you are leaving a part of your self to join another half. I don't think I've ever lost the reigns I have on "control" since I've gotten hold of it.

This is why, after all this time being angry, frustrated, retaliating for justice, and ranting on my blog, I realized that all that was caused by fear. It was my own fear of losing it. Not just going mad, I assure you, but fear of not knowing what the future holds for me. Not having tomorrow be tangible in the palm of my hands. I'm a lone ant, walking around, not knowing what I'll eat tomorrow, where I'll sleep tomorrow, or if I'll be crushed by giant stillettos.

I need to learn how to take this all in. There will be more times down my life's path when I won't have control over situations. I don't want to freak out like I am now. I need to relax and relinquish control and be "okay" with it. Fear is my only obstacle...

110,000 Words

Now Blogger hangs onto my very words, literally! A profile I have created with Blogger shows that I have written about 109,700, approximately (since I keep writing as we speak). Just a few more and I'll hit 110,000 which is a nice even number! I also post on average 5 posts a week, and so far have posted about 390 posts, and I have been blogging since January 2003. Blogger doesn't cease to amaze me. At least since last night, anyways.

The New Blogger

Yesterday I was just in an uproar that I forgot to be pleasantly surprised with the redesigned Blogger.com. The New Blogger has a softer feel, and yet is more defined. It now has a "Dashboard" which makes blogging easier. I took some time at the new blogger and went to Evhead.com for the details. It's just fabulous, and now apparently has its own comments! I tried to set it up, but it's not working, just like everything computer-y that I do. But there is now a whole new set of templates, and they're all so pretty too! I was looking for a template for the new blog (where I will feature my own fictional writing (hopefully something good and something soon) and now I can stop looking, cuz Blogger is now the one-stop blog tool that does it all! Times like this, I love Blogger. It gave me Gmail, and now all this...

Blogger! How can I ever repay you?

Geez, Gimme a Break!

Just when I wanted to do a quicky blog post to vent, Blogger changed its interface on me. It just took me about 10 minutes to figure out how to sign in and create a new post. Dammit!

Have you ever felt like you just had too much on your plate? Well, that's usually the case with me. But have you ever felt like you were just pushed beyond your threshold? That just happened to me. I won't get into details, but my uncle dropped by suddenly, and spoke with me (lectured me, more like) for a good two hours, about things. Normally he talks about economical stuff, and interesting stuff he's read, but today, most of it was concentrated on my weight.

Now, this man, has been the closest thing to a father that I've had in years. I have great respect for him, for coming to the US and becoming a self-made man, a man who had practically nothing, and while he isn't the richest man I know, he certainly has a lot, including my respect. But he is a person, whom I refer to as being from the "old" country. There are qualities of human character that are more acceptable in other cultures than in the US, and he has a few of those characteristics. Some are good, and some, not so great.

In the US, we are trained to overlook physical short-comings. That's just so superficial, right? In other countries, Korea, that I know of, physical attributions are of great importance. It can make or break you. Just until few years ago, Korean airlines would have strict guidelines for hiring stewardesses, which included a minimum height and maximum weight, among other things. Now that's all null and void, but not for a good reason -- most people would resort to plastic surgeries and other enhancements anyways.

My uncle's decided that it was about time that he told me that I was too fat. Despite the mysterious 6-7 lbs (I have lost another pound since) I lost, I am too fat. And according to Korean standards, that's true. Although the average Korean woman's waist size is 27 and weight is slightly above the so-called "standard" Koreans are quick to judge; a woman who is my size would be deemed a "curse from god" because I am just immense. I'm huge. I'm fat.

I have very good self esteem, but I do recognize that I am on the verge of losing a lot of health benefits because I am approaching the over-weight limit line. I also realize that my weight has gained steadily over the last 6 years, and that must stop, and be reversed for a while, at least until I can safely get into a good weight. A good weight, for me, one that is approved by me and at least two good physicians! Not by the superficial Korean critics! There is no way for me to weigh less than 115 lbs... Goodness! I'm 5'6"! If I became 115, I should just go bullimic and be a model (sorry for the stereotype model-people...).

But you know, right now, I not only have too much on my plate. I am on a threshold. I'm tip-toeing on the edge of a cliff. You just can't come in, disrupt the delicate balance on my life that I've barely managed, and expect good to come out of it.

I've been eating healthier. Healthy to me doesn't mean "no carb's a good carb" or "south beach over atkins" or any of that crap. It just means, go back to the basics. You know, your major food groups, and getting a good serving of each. Some fruits, and rather than juices, actual fruits, and vegetables, a little bit of meat (yes, red meat! Do you know that most young women in the US are anemic... often because they lack iron in the blood? Best source of iron is in red meat!), and other things. Reducing intakes of soda and high in fat foods, you know, that sort of things. But I'm not on a major diet.

That's about the best I can do now, plus the occasional workouts, consisting of mostly cardio. I go about twice a week, which isn't as much as I'd like, but like I said, I'm standing on the edge of a cliff. Trying to fit in a 30 minute jog into my schedule is not really a priority. I have major things to worry and think about -- I know I always whine about this, but this is the cross I bear: immigration status (I-20 is expiring in June with no solution in sight still) and 15 units of school, and nearly full time of work.

I'm under so much stress, I just want to break down and cry for no reason! I'm a hard worker, and I work under heavy pressure without complaints, but this is too much. I try to believe that human abilities span over an infinite amount of capability, but I often wonder that if I had more stress-producing loads coming my way, would I go crazy? I think I would go berserk. Jump off my second story bedroom. Run my car into a wall (hey, it wouldn't be the first time...). Go drown myself in the Pacific Ocean, like Edna from The Awakening. Overdose on Tylenol and Pampirin. Drink lye (ooh, fun!). Play surgeon with my own abdomen. See if my head could break the television screen. Sell my soul to the devil. You get the pooint.

I sometime mistake myself for wonderwoman, or at least supergal, and try to do much more than it is possible. Sometimes in trying to expand my reaches and grab hold control of my life, I over-exert, but that's been a positive experience for the most part. But now... right now... I'm losing hair. A clearly abnormal amount of hair. I'm afraid to brush it. Every shower loosens a fistfull of hair. I'm not very fond of my hair as it is, but dude. I'd still like to keep most of it, split ends or not. I don't think I'd make a good lookin' bald woman... and why try to out-do Sinead O'Connor?

My uncle means well. And I know these cultural differences, which may make him seem insensitive. I've long gotten used to that sort of thing, but my tolerance is available only when I have enough room in my life to tolerate it. Right now, there's no vacancy! And it's worse now, because he just took up two hours of precious home work time, on a precious Sunday night, the only day-off that I have. A lot of papers due this week... I really could have used the time.

Forgive me, I am mad. Mad in the sense that I am angry, and mad in the sense that I am crazy. I probably won't drink a bucket-o-lye, just cuz it probably wouldn't taste too great, and won't jump off my second story window because I'm severely acrophobic. But tomorrow morning, I will guarantee you, I will lose another fistfull of hair... if not in the shower, because I will have pulled it out myself in agony.

Gmail, again

I can now send out two invites to try Gmail, in celebration of Mother's Day! I have sent one to a friend, and have one remaining... hmmm...