How do you cross your t's?

I was over at Christopher's blog and found Handwriting Wizard. You basically answer a few questions about your handwriting, and they think they know you well enough to presume a whole truck-load of things about you.

Haemi has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

Haemi is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

Haemi is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Haemi basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.

In reference to Haemi's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Haemi slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project. She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Haemi can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Haemi is secretive. She has secrets which she does not wish to share with others. She intentionally conceals things about herself. She has a private side that she intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in her past.

Haemi is moderately outgoing. Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes. Haemi will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes she will be happy, the next day she might be sad. She has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because she is in between. Psychology calls Haemi an ambivert. She understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, she will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." She doesn't sway too far one way or the other. When convincing her to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to her. She puts herself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet she will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Haemi is an expressive person. She outwardly shows her emotions. She may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story. Haemi is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. She weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when she finally has to. She basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Haemi doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

I mean, just look at those O's! Can they be any more secretive?

On the other hand... I had an actual live conversation (on AIM -- as live as it gets!) with Christopher, and here is our analysis on the Handwriting Wizard.

Flor1123*: oh my
Flor1123: that was a good laugh
Flor1123: I'm sure there is plenty of truth value to these things... but it's just so...
Christopher**: a bit in your face?
Flor1123: sitting on a couch infront of Freud!
Christopher: yup
Christopher: I'm looking for handwriting analysis here, not my psychological defencencies!
Flor1123: yep!
Flor1123: I will have to put this in my blog, naturally.
Christopher: naturally
Christopher: share our Freudian dressing down with everyone
Flor1123: yep

*Flor1123 is yours truly.
**Actualy AIM SN withheld to protect the innocent(?). Basically, I just felt like it.

Match Made in Heaven

I know I have already named my future children but I have yet to have given them middle names. It's gonna be Coltrane. The boys at least. And the girls, probably Ruby, from Thelonious Monk's Ruby, My Dear. I am such a nutcase. I know.

I found the two of the most perfect things. Rain and Jazz. I was driving home, and it was just drizzly enough -- and I was listening to The Best of Miles Davis and John Coltrane and it was juuuuuuust right. Something about the sound of rain and Jazzy tunes made my bones turn into jello and I nearly just went kaput in my car, drifting off... I should have been born a lot earlier -- if not the 20's, then at least the 40's or 50's (the depression wasn't a fun time anyway). What I wouldn't give to hear Coltrane live! I'd be throwing my undergarments at him for sure!

Cheap Hosting

Mai, over at Create Something Beautiful -- Make Art suggested to me Shieldhost.com as a possible option for hosting. They're cheap, and really cheap. Possibly the cheapest I've seen so far -- 2.99 per month for their most basic service (which is probably all I need) and right now they have a sale for 1.99 per month (which actually comes down to less than $22 per year)! It includes e-mail and no set up fees and unlimited subdomains and etc. etc. etc.! I mean, that's just so cheap! Is it even possible to be so cheap? Is the service any good? I'd also have to get a domain, and that should add about another ten bucks or so. Downside if it is that it is only 400 MB worth of space, and I don't know how that would add up -- 10 GB of bandwidth though. Looks like a lot of math.

I would also need to brush up on how the heck I am going to work the FTP and all, and what blog program I should use, because I know stuff like ExpressionEngine and MT cost mucho dinero. Is it possible to just use hosting and keep using blogger? Would I still need a domain name? How would I go about joining blogger and separate hosting/domain? Argh. My head hurts. Let me go simmer down.

Random Tidbits for Black Friday

I was browsing Mr. K's "Writing for the Web" and found Readability.info. It gives you basic stats about your writing, and various scores, and was helpful assessing my writing.

I plan to update my blog with a new look sometime in January, to celebrate my second blogaversary (anniversary for a blog!). My first blog post was February 1, 2003, and the first words were: "Testing 1, 2, 3...". I need some sort of inspiration for a theme though. While taking a look at what could be called my portfolio of blog templates(there are two new looks to add to that list!) I am very proud of the fact that I've come so far in my learning html, but I see that while I have grown to a specific taste, I'm not doing well in terms of variety. So where can I get some inspiration? Anyone? And it has to be ultra-special, because it is to commemorate the two years of blogging, and even more years of blogging to come.

I thought about becoming independent -- as far as my blog is concerned. And by independent, I am talking about my own domain and host, so that I can identify better with my URL, and not be subject to Blogger.com(although it's wonderful)'s mishaps. I would also like to get my own hosting, so that I won't have embarrassing situations where images don't show up due to exceeded bandwidths. But then, as I approach closer to nursing school, the notion of a continuous income is getting hazy. I have saved up some money for my personal spendings, like lipstick or shoes, but it's not much, and I have no doubt that I'll have to scrimp and save to stretch those funds over a two year span.

I'll have to cancel my newspaper subscription, and I will not be able to renew my beloved magazine subscriptions, and I will have to discontinue Netflix for sure, and I just don't think I'll have enough funds available to pay for my own hosting and domain, although they probably don't cost too much. So I will stay with the free services of Blogger.com until I am more financially capable. Also, I really can't imagine having to come up with a domain name for myself. It's like picking out your own name! I mean, what would it be?

I suppose naturally, it would be haemisphere.com or haemi.org, but would that be something that I would love for the rest of my life? It's so hard to commit -- and I am a commitment-phobe. I really am. Even as a child, I couldn't commit to putting a sticker on my desk (when you try to remove them they just leave that incorrigible white sticky residue!), so I taped them on. Is it a wonder why I can't even see myself married? I mean, the rest of your life with the same roommate/partner/lover/husband? Just outright crazy! (I'm exaggerating and joking -- don't start worrying!) Anyway, so that's where I stand.

Initially, I was looking to pull some funds so that I can get my own domain and hosting, because about two weeks ago, I wanted to write a celebratory (because one can never celebrate too much or too often or for too many things) post about my 700th blog entry. I mean, 700 blog entries in less than two years! It's worth writing about, definitely! And I saw on my Blogger Dashboard that I have written 689 posts so far. So I was close, and I was watching closely every time I logged in and wrote a post, so that I wouldn't miss the 700th mark. But a day went by and a week went by, and that number didn't change! Today, it still says that I have 689 posts written, although I have probably surpassed 700 a while ago. My Blogger profile, on the other hand, says that I have written 693 posts, but that's also a fixed number that is not changing. So who knows what was my 700th post and when it was written! But I did give Blogger a piece of my mind and requested that something be done, and they are supposed to respond someday... soon. But I've had a good experience communicating with blogger as far as my questions go -- they've responded within 48 hours for every question I have had.

Long story short, I will someday be moving this blog, but not anytime soon. Unless I win the lottery.

Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but I am at work and work doesn't like to do itself, so I'll have to go do it. Yay. Working while the rest of the world is out shopping and having left overs. My life rocks.

Morning After Pill anyone?

Well, it's not even morning, or even the next day, but I think I speak for many when I say that I am going to need some sort of medication to get me through Turkey Day.

This year, I have surprisingly limited my intake of food. Normally, I just stuff myself silly, but this year, it wasn't very hard to stop eating. Not that the food wasn't great -- the food's always great. But this year, it was just the family, my grandmother, my uncle, aunt, their two kids, my mom, my brother, and myself. No friends of the family or other extended family members. It was quiet, and almost morbid! And everyone was done pretty fast and started clearing, and when everyone's starting to clear the table, you really can't continue eating!

And there's my uncle -- he's a wonderful person, really. He's done so much for me, and I appreciate it whole-heartedly. He was, perhaps, born into the wrong place at the wrong time -- he is a philosopher and an enthusiast of humanities and science, and especially, economics. With the hard economic times, he has always given mini-lectures, if you will, on how to make money, how to keep money, and how to make money work for you, every year. Every year, Thanksgiving and Christmas! And I don't know if it is because my cousins and my brother doesn't understand Korean well enough to follow his lecture series, but I am the only one subject to this mild torture.

I am not really a rebel -- I am a push over, as I've stated numerous times, and I'd rather just sit there and listen until my ears fall off, rather than to make any suggestions about the topic at hand. But about a decade of these lectures, I've had it. A few years ago, I've told my uncle that I plan to move to Africa as soon as I can and devote my life into working for the AIDS/HIV infected population. It probably shocked him a little, because that year I didn't get as long a lecture as I normally do, but my uncle is a resilient man; he found an outlet to reach me. And in the next few family gatherings that followed, he has increased his level of preachings to me.

Tonight was no exception -- just as soon as the food disappeared off the table, he went into lecture mode, and my brother and my cousins went into their room, while I was stuck. In the last few years, a new twist in the lectures had developed, and it was one where my granny would chime in now and then, emphasizing the importance of these real life lessons, and also the urgency in which I need to find myself a husband and get myself married. The lecture momentarily dips into the whole, "Haemi is getting old and she should seriously consider marriage soon" bonanza, then returns to the economical topics again.

I had tried to re-use that same tactic of "I'm moving to Africa" to deter the marriage discussion -- I told everyone that I had no interests in being married or having children. and would feel much better off living single. Of course my grandmother would have none of it. My uncle actually mellowed on that topic though -- tonight, he said that it is ok not to be married, but that I should at least have a boyfriend, because while life without marriage is perfectly acceptable, living life alone has its deficiencies. And that was one thing we managed to agree on. And then the rest of the lecture went back to how economic prosperity and independence is a necessary requirement to freedom, and yada yada yada. It's not that I want to be rude, but most of this is just way over my head. And it really isn't as though I had planned to spend my life working at a fast food joint flipping burgers all my life! Well, that's what my family's like. I know everyone's got some quirky side to their family. Mine's not too embarrassing -- just boring as hell, and each individual is too intelligent and too well-read for their own good! Everybody should just shut up and watch some TV or something. Sheesh.

Since I Don't Have A Real Boyfriend

I decided to find out who my Anime boyfriend would be. And it also has been some time since I've taken one of these random on-line quizzes!

Who's Your Anime Boyfriend?

It's Haemi Time!

I can't tell you how good it feels to finally get that extra day. I haven't had a real day off (I only get Sundays off, and even that's spent playing catch-up for school and chores like laundry) since Labor Day. It is so good, and while most people are stressed out about taking care of holiday shopping and cooking that Turkey to golden perfection, I have neither to do. It's like, out of no where, I am given 24 hours of Haemi-time. And just an hour into the holiday, I spent some quality Haemi-time. Although I am sleepy beyond belief!

FierceWomen.com is a website created by Tinka and her cousin, and filled by other fierce women writers -- they started a while back, and I've always been so busy doing something or another that I never got around to doing any writing for it. I always said that I'd do something this weekend or the next, but in truth, I never got much done. It is hard to find time to do something productive that is not required by either school or work at the moment, since those two factors single-handedly dominate my life. For me to do creative work while those two things loom ominously is like trying to not only walk through a foot deep snow, but to do jumping jacks and sing show tunes while making my way! With all my creative energy drained by the mundane daily obstacles of life, all I have left is enough to fill this blog daily. My first attempt at writing my first novel in a month for NaNoWriMo is proof. I just don't have the energy!

Well, shortly after midnight, I sat down and realized that I don't have to get up early at all in the morning (just early enough to get the paper before someone steals it -- oh wait, is there paper on Turkey Day?) and it is a freebie day for me -- 24 hours for me to do whatever I want without worrying about playing catch up. So I did the thing I've procrastinated the longest -- writing my first piece for Fiercewomen.com. I'm not done, of course, but I made so much progress. Enough progress for me to be thrilled. I mean, not the prospect of having my writing be seen on another website besides my blog, but the fact that I actually wrote a piece (well, a portion of a piece) that was not some school or work required writing. A creative piece (although it's not fiction). I think once I get the ball rolling, the words would come easier -- just as I had done for this blog -- I started writing whatever that came to mind, even if it was nonsense, and pretty soon I am pumping out words faster than I can think! So I am so glad -- glad for that cathartic moment. Moment of creativity. A brief moment in time where I became a creator -- I've created. I'm off to bed now -- you can be certain that I'm going to have the sweetest dreams.

Reading Your Inbox for Pleasure?

Is this even possible? It's like reading a book, but instead of turning the pages, you wait for an e-mail to arrive. This "book" is a mystery in written in the form of an e-mail, and every now and then, you get an e-mail -- it appears like an e-mails that the characters are writing each other and they have sent copies to you. Hmmm... I am skeptical, but intrigued!

Parallelism?

Came across this blog while surfing through blogexplosion.com. Which had this:

As the dude said, nothing is original. The new Harry Potter DVD (Prisoner of Azkaban) comes out today!

Turkey Eve

Turkey Lessons!

Well, tomorrow is turkey day, also known as Thanksgiving. I'm all ready to chow down my turkey, although it is uncertain whether turkey would be available this year, seeing that the person cooking is rather busy at the moment, and there is possibly less number of family members gathering this year.

I'm at work now, and it is rather cold, and I was late this morning and didn't have any time to get some socks on (contrary to before, I am frequently wearing socks these days -- long gone are my sockless days!), and my feet are freezing and my fingers feel stiff, i.e. not suitable to type. So I will be back hopefully after I've had some coffee and possibly some lunch, when I have warmed up a bit. Hopefully. Brrrr! (Since the last time it rained, it has just suddenly gotten all winter-y on me -- snow in the mountains and lower temperatures and chillier winds!)

Taking Procrastination to New Heights

Or, rather, new lows. But first, other minute details of my life.

Someone stole my paper again this morning, and I am NOT happy. NOT HAPPY! YOU HEAR ME NEIGHBOR? It's still STEALING even if it's a paper that costs 50 cents! And stealing is a CRIME! I am thisclose to setting up a hidden camera to catch these thief/thieves in the act. Nobody, and I mean, NOBODY, messes with my reading material.

In other news... I had a very warm and fuzzy feeling today. I went around, blog-hopping (cuz I'm too homely and lazy to bar-hop like normal people), just jumping from blog to blog. Then, I came to my own blog, and you know what? It felt like home. Mmmm.... home. Home sweet home.

And now, the topic at hand: Procrastination. I took procrastination too new heights today -- you can also call it a new low, depending on your perspectives, but since I am a positive person, I guess I'll call it new heights. As though that were a good thing. Yeah.

Well, I had this project for my statistics class. It was assigned about three weeks ago, at the beginning of November. And it's not even a big-time project, that would take hours to do. I had estimated that it should take about 4 hours to complete from beginning to end. Well, I was going to do it and going to do it and going to do it, and finally I was going to do it on Sunday, but I got caught up with the whole philosophy class' online discussion board, so I postponed it to Monday night.

Well, on Sunday night, I went to bed pretty late (3AMish so it would actually be Monday morning) and I was really sleepy and tired. So I gave myself about three hours to complete the project this morning (it was due today, class starts at 10:15AM). So I set the alarm to 5AM and went to bed. Of course I just could NOT get up at that ungodly hour! So I slept through until about 8:30, which means I missed my first morning class, which started at 8:30AM. Not only that, it also left me very little time to get this project completed!

I had to think quick, and the only idea that came to mind was that I work as fast as possible and get to class before it ends, and walk in and hand in the paper as the class leaves. But the class ends at 11:46 AM, so even that was pushing it -- after all, I still would need to brush my teeth, get dressed and etc. It was really pushing it -- I had to do some stuff on Excel, and I just could not recall how to get the graphs right. The damned thing refused to cooperate, and the printer got jammed and the computer froze and everything about Murphy's law went into effect. Then I realized that I needed a project cover folder thingi. So I would need to leave a bit earlier and run to the book store to buy it.

As I skidded down the drive way, I had a thought: what if the book store doesn't sell the folders? Then I said, nah, they probably do, and I don't have time to make a run to Office Depot. And they did. Of course, when I went to pay for the damned thing, I held my wallet upside down with the change pocket unzipped, and all the coins fell onto the ground, scattering everywhere -- and knowing me, you realize that I would never leave the premises without all my money! But alas, they did have the folders, so I was saved. What they didn't have was a hole puncher for the papers! I ran to the school library but they didn't have one either! ARGH! I had to push the papers through the metal prongs, tearing the holes into the paper.

Long story short (might be too late for that, but oh well) I did turn in the paper as everyone else was turning theirs in on their way out, and the instructor was busy answering a question from a student, so I was unnoticed. I flopped the project on the table and made a smooth exit. So I made it, just in the nick of time. And you know, you would think that after all that trouble, I would learn a thing or two about procrastinating beyond my wildest dreams. But NO. Apparently, I am a slow learner, because I have a research paper due in about 4 hours, and here I am blogging! And before I got here to blogging, I had a leisure bagel (what's a leisure bagel?), cleaned my room (as if that couldn't wait), and then went blog-surfing.

Sometimes, I really hate myself.

News that Matter

Unlike most people who read the paper in the morning as they have breakfast and coffee (can not believe people actually get up that early), I often read the paper after I get home from work or school, which means I get the news after the sun goes down. Of course I get tidbits while browsing on-line during work, but most of the detailed information comes in after dinner-time.

So like many other days, I am just about half way through scanning the paper, at nearly 11PM. Frontpage had a story that was very interesting to me. "Bush Renews Migrant Pledge." President Bush's program to allow illegal immigrants to work legally (issuing a temporary worker visa provided they meet certain conditions, i.e. they have an employer willing to hire them for a job for which they can't get an American). Bush was kinda quiet about this program during the election season -- I thought he might have made more emphasis on the issue to gain Latino votes, but I was wrong -- he didn't want to alienate the GOP. Now that the election has been done with, Bush is pushing his agenda -- more actively pursuing it. The only problem is, the conservative sentiment in this country has been growing and is now the majority. Will Bush be able to convince them to follow his lead?

I know there are many opponents and critics to this plan, which is not an amnesty, but it is still being worked on. And the current immigration situation has got to be resolved -- just by letting these people sit there is not going to make them go away.

I hope to hear good news soon, preferably within the next two to three years -- once Bush leaves office, who knows what the next guy is going to do about it? I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

By the way, President Bush, I doubt you are reading this, but if you are -- I will retract all my Bushland and Jesusland jokes -- just pull through on this one!

Not Ignorant, after all

Last night, I was called ignorant. You know, I've been in school a long time, and for most of my years in schools, I've had a pretty good track record. So when someone claims that I am ignorant and unaware of the basic concepts of US History, I was naturally flabbergasted. So much, that I spent most of the night and this morning, researching on-line for reputable sources. Either to prove that I am right, or at the very least, show myself where my misunderstanding lies.

Well, I've found so much information supporting my version of history, and I found scant sources supporting the opposite. And those sources were somewhat shady. But the best information came from a fellow classmate, who wrote in a response: "Haemi; Thank you. I wish I had the power to give you extra credit." He also supported the statements with a link, which explains the urban legends regarding the Founding Fathers and the birth of this nation. This is the link that debunks the myth.

It was definitely satisfying to have a classmate chime in on my rebuttal, with a sense of confirmation. In fact, it seems that the supporting evidence used by the OP was one of those eRumors -- things that floated over the internet, drawing a lot of speculation. I am not certain, but it seems that it was written out of fury to the removal of the Ten Commandments from the Alabama court house (was it court house? Some government building for sure). It ends with "How, then, have we gotten to the point that everything we have done for 220 years in this country is now suddenly wrong and unconstitutional? Please forward this to everyone you can. Lets put it around the world and let the world see and remember what this great country was built on." If someone really wanted to get this point of view out, he/she should have at least used proper evidence that were REAL and concrete, not one that is obviously fictional. It was written with intent to astound the reader (I myself, gasped after reading, out of disbelief that the Founding Fathers did/say/believed such things!) and claim a false appeal to authority to bypass the bewilderment in the reader. In other words, just plain bad!

Well, anyways. At least I know where I stand in my US History... (as well as Greek and Roman art!)

UPDATE: The guy who made the original post retracted his post with a blanket apology, "for all the damage" he created. Not a direct apology to me for calling me ignorant, but I'll take what I can get. The not-so-good part of this is that he only did so after the other classmate wrote about that "debunking the myth" thing.

Update: I just got back from class. The guy who posted the original thread apologized to me multiple times. He sounded very sincere. Sincere enough that I feel bad for getting my undies in a knot over this. Maybe I just have to change my own attitude about things -- like believe in people and believe that they are innocent until absolutely proven otherwise and even then leave room for the benefit of the doubt. I just gotta stop thinking that everyone is evil except me! Yes, I admit that I have some fault in this. But I am glad to see that as college students, we have all come to a nice agreement about the way we behaved and made the necessary adjustments in attitudes accordingly.

I am not Ignorant

I just logged onto the school's on-line thing. Some of the classes are online, and some are partially online, like my philosophy class. It's a class on logics. We have to make arguments for or against a topic. And in regards to one topic (I won't get into details here, although I believe I'm in the right), a classmate called me "ignorant." In regards to this topic, I wrote in a response, that "from all my years taking US History, I had not heard this." And he wrote, "Even those that have ¡°taken years in U.S. History and have not yet once heard that our country was founded on the Ten Commandments¡± really show how ignorant they are, and yet demand to have a strong dichotomy between politics and religion." Obviously, he is preaching against separation of government and religion. I'm not just picking things out of context, out of thin air to get mad over. He quoted me and referred me as being ignorant! First of all, there is no way to validate those words. Whether he's right or I'm right has no say -- you just don't attack the person when refuting an argument. This is a class -- not live politics where you get the fling mud at each other! There is no excuse for calling a classmate ignorant. Secondly, he ended the statement with, "Some of us believe in God and we welcome his blessings in our lives and in our government. We want to have an after life. We want to go to heaven. But to those who just disagree with me, well, you can just go to hell." There's logic for ya! I, as an atheist, of course don't believe in the eternally burning firepits of hell. However, I am familiar with the implications of wishing one goes to hell, and I am offended by that. And I made it clear in my response to his so-called argument.

"Even those that have ¡°taken years in U.S. History and have not yet once heard that our country was founded on the Ten Commandments¡± really show how ignorant they are." By the way, I totally appreciate that comment. Just by the simple act of calling me ignorant, you have lost all credibility to me. Of course, that probably doesn't matter to you, as you have already condemned me to the abyss of hell."

Of course that is just an excerpt of a really long posting, but that's how it went. Maybe I was just too harsh. After all, it was evident that he was writing in the heat of passion, and you are liable to say stuff like that when you're engulfed in flames of passion... or flames of hell, whatever.

Basically, I was offended by the attack, because I am very sensitive to things like that. I often go out of my way so that I don't offend people. I never attack people directly, unless they're a big time celebrity who will never hear what I say! So when someone takes a direct punch at me, I lose all my sense of rationality. Usually, I start crying. I know that doesn't help at all, but I don't know what it is, but it makes me cry. It makes my heart beat double-time and makes me very mad and sad at the same time. And also a bit scared. Yep. I said it. I get scared when people make remarks against me! Perhaps it's because I never really learned to stand up for myself (I know my readers won't think that, but I have only begun to stand up for myself in writing -- in real life, I'm still a pushover, but hey, I'm working on it).

Well, what's done is done and what's said has already been said. Even if he were to apologize (which I doubt he will from what he stated) it wouldn't take back the air of negativity blown my way. But let this be a lesson to all of y'all reading! Calling names to people is OK on your personal blog, which only a few people read! Calling names to your colleague or a classmate is inappropriate, especially in an academic setting.

What a way to start a Monday! Humph.

How, exactly, do you measure a man?

The title was not intended to get a truckload of off-color comments, but a reference to Clay Aiken, my favorite American Idol so far. They are doing a AI Christmas, and the winners from past Ai will perform, which means, Kelly, Ruben, and Fantasia. And. Not. Clay. Now, I've kept mum during the entire length of all AI seasons, and for a good reason. Too many teeny bopper bloggers out there are blogging about it already, and I didn't even watch it through the whole season. As a reality show, it reeked! I do watch the final few episodes though, and during the second season, I really wanted Clay Aiken to win. I mean, isn't he just a total sweetie?

Clay Aiken is a fantastic singer. He's a college graduate, and he has a reputation of being extremely genuine and sincere and kind, as well as humble. (Not that I know him personally!) He majored in special education -- he wants to work with kids with autism and other challenges. He started an organization for autistic kids. He plans on going to graduate school. And he's very cute in a skinny-nerd-without-glasses kind of way.

I know it's too late to gripe about Ruben, but I don't like him at all. There's that whole scandal way back about his getting paid to wear some sort of logo advertising something or another, and I read an interview in a magazine (not a shady source, but a well-reputed source) and he came off as extremely haughty. Would it be too mean if I called him a too fat of a tub-o-lard who won by affirmative action? Just kidding. Of course AI isn't run by affirmative action or anything. He's an alright singer -- I just think Clay has more talent, as well as better attitude and intelligence (speaks lovely English with a slight air of a charming Southern accent).

But it brings me to the question regarding a title from Clay's CD: Measure of a Man.

Why do you ask him move heaven and earth
To prove his love has worth
Would he walk on water
Would he run through fire
Would he stand before you
When it's down to the wire
Would he give his life up
To be all he can
Is that, is that, is that
How you measure a man

Maybe love is this magical thing that we are just not meant to understand. Maybe true love is a preternatural thing, out of our boundaries. Something not empirical, something that just can't be measured. Despite the advancement of technology and whatnot, there are many people out there who believe in love at first sight. Or soulmates, for that matter.

Believing in a soulmate for me is like believing in a god. I just can't bring myself to believe in something without logical evidence. Of course there are things that I just don't have the data to prove something, and it bothers me to no end. But I just don't want to complicate my life by putting extra effort into believing something which, in my heart, I completely know as non-existant! But maybe I should change my way of approaching this thing. Maybe, instead of trying to believe, I should hope.

The English Drink Tea

Do they? Do the English drink tea instead of coffee (or at least prefer it over coffee)? I am a resolute coffee drinker, but I love a variety of teas. Currently, I already had my morning coffee, so I'm drinking English tea, with non-dairy cream and a teaspoon of honey. Yum. It looks like coffee, but it's so much milder and softer. I'm sure it probably has the same amout of caffeine, but it makes me feel more relaxed. Which doesn't make sense. Just about three hours ago, I had coffee to wake myself up, and now I'm having tea to get relaxed. Counter-productive? I am reminded of the Simpsons episode when Homer purchases a second hand ambulance and decides to become a paramedic. He shows his children morphine syringes and the Defibrillator claiming that one makes him relax and the other one keeps him awake.

On Friday, as I was driving to work, I saw a sign. Well, ok, not a sign. It was a license plate on a car driving ahead of me, and I always read those things for some reason. This particular plate read, "(Insert symbol for heart here)Suprem." To other people, it may mean something else, but to Coltrane fans, it can only mean one thing! Then I saw the license plate holder, which read, something like, "A Love Supreme, Listen to John Coltrane!" If I wasn't late for work, I would have flagged down the guy driving! Maybe I lost my soul mate, who knows. (Drama queen acting up again)

Updates

My Archives/100 Things page has been updated (slightly). Link is in the left column.

I am my Old Self Again!

**Just as a quick note: I did blog yesterday. Twice, in fact -- one in the early afternoon and one in the evening, about 12 hours ago. Both posts were lost in publishing. It would be the first time I failed to post a blog entry since October 17th. But I did blog -- it's just lost somewhere in cyberspace. Please, if you find my blog entry somewhere, please tell it to come back home. Thank you.

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Back in the days, when I first got the internet, I used AOL. I used AOL for a long time, probably about 6 years or so. And during that time, I maintained one screenname, one ID, one e-mail address, one identity. I think most of my friends had to notify me every few months or so that they changed their identity to reflect the newest pop starlet's name or song or whatever, but I stayed resolute. I don't know if I just really liked my SN, or I just grew attached to it, but I just loved it.

Flor1123. That was what it was. Some people even preferred to just call me Flor because of my on-line presence as Flor1123. It was a name, unique to me. It wasn't like the plethora of other names, like QTgurl4ever or Ultim8qtness. It was timeless. It was perfect. It was me.

Then, about two years ago, I had to switch to DSL. It was only natural. I could no longer wait until someone's phonecall was finished to sign on -- I could no longer risk getting disconnected because someone called. I could no longer wait until my brother was done to get online. Then it struck me, that it wouldn't be in line with my frugal nature to pay for both DSL AND AOL. I could have gotten Hi-speed AOL, but my brother voted against it. So I had to wean myself off of AOL and search for another e-mail address. At first, the idea of using a "free" e-mail account was just so weird. I've always used AOL e-mail, and it worked great. By then, a separate program for AIM was already launched, so I didn't have to log into AOL to use IM. But it still took me months to get myself off of AOL. I think sometimes, I still miss the "You got mail" greeting I get from all the SPAM in the mailbox.

I cancelled AOL. It was horrible. It was like leaving a fraternity of some sort. No more, were the chatrooms and the chiming "You got mail!" But I was prepared for all of that. I had a new e-mail address at Yahoo!, and I told everyone that my address had changed. However, there was one minute detail that I was not prepared for.

I logged into AIM, with my old SN, and found myself staring at an error message. "Cancelled account." I tried, over and over again to log in, but only with the same answer. Immediately, I jumped onto the AIM webpage and searched for the answer to my problem. The answer I found, made me curl up in the fetal position and cry like there's no tomorrow. (Note: exaggeration -- my attempts to be a drama queen) It was originally an AOL SN, so when I cancelled AOL, the SN would be lost forever. I asked when I can use it again? Perhaps they do it like phone numbers, where they put it in some special recycling bin for a month or three before releasing it into the wild again. They gave me no specific time frame. If anything, their FAQ section seem to hint that it would be gone forever in the abyss of cancelled SN's!

Fast forward two years later: this morning, I signed into AIM. With the supposedly "temporary" screen name I created two years ago. And I found myself hating it. It wasn't me. Yuck. And out of the blue, I got a whim to try to log in with my old screen name. Just a try. It couldn't hurt to try! And I did. Of course I remember the password. And lo and behold, I successfully logged in. I had tried, periodically, every six months or so to log in to my old SN just to see if it would work, and it was the first time it did. I was so in shock, that I IM'ed myself! And it works! Yay!

So I got myself a celebratory mug of coffee and here I am. So my old and new screenname for AIM is: flor1123.

Current music: Norah Jones, Feels Like home -- how appropriate.