¾Æ Kenny ¾¾... Çѱ¹ ºÐÀÌ ¼Ì±º¿ä. ±âºÐÀÌ ³ª»Ú¼Ì´Ù¸é »ç°úµå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù. °©ÀÚ±â Á¦°¡ ¸¸µç ºí·Î±×°¡ ´Ù¸¥ »ç¶÷ÀÌ °¡Á®°¡¼­ º¯°æµÇ°í »ç¿ëµÈ´Ù´Â°Ô °©Àڱ⠸¶À½ÀÌ »óÇß¾ú½À´Ï´Ù. Àü¿¡ ¸Þ¼¼Áö³ª ÄÚ¸àÆ®¶óµµ ³²±â¼ÌÀ¸¸é ¼­·Î ¾Ë°ÔµÇ°í ÁÁ¾ÒÀ»ÅÙµ¥. ¾î·µç ¸¸³ª¼­ ¹Ý°©°í (Àο¬Àº Àο¬ÀÌ´Ï) http://starlight.egloos.com/ ¿¡ ÀÖ´Â ºí·Î±×µµ Àß º¸°Ú½À´Ï´Ù. ÀÌÇØ ÇØ Áּż­ °¨»çµå¸³´Ï´Ù.

I found this at work... I could not believe my eyes!

http://uprisingstar.blogspot.com.

I was wondering why I saw my exact blog appear under a different address, but apparently someone decided to take my entire blog template and use it. They just copied and pasted the entire thing! Even some of the posts were there until earlier today, but they deleted that. But all my links -- my calendar, what I was reading, the same art piece by Shag, and it even still says "Haemi-Sphere." I am appalled!

If the person who did this "Kenny" is reading this, first of all, I am flattered. They say imitation is the best form of flattery. However, it is not very nice of you to creep up to my site and just copy and paste my html coding, the code that I've worked on for hours, days, and weeks! You are also stealing my bandwidth -- I would appreciate it if such outrageous copy-catting were not performed. I know my site isn't copy-righted, but from a genuinely real person to another, there is an obvious offense here. Please e-mail your defense, or leave a comment here.

Valentine's? Bah! Humbug!

It's just a regular Saturday here for me. I really wanted to settle on a longterm reading material (i.e. book!) before school starts, so that I can squish in some reading time whenever I get the chance. So far I have been meandering; everytime I get a chance and a will to read a book, I find myself spending too much time trying to decide what to read without ever deciding! Should I go back and re-read the dreaded One Hundred Years of Solitude? Should I finish Dante's Inferno? So I concocted a list. It was drawn up by various searches for an English Major's reading list: something every English Major should read. More than several Universities have a reading list for those pursuing a major in English, and I drew up a survey of those. I also found a library's website (whose address is now obscured into the bleak hypothalamus where my memory is stored) where they had a suggested reading list for H.S. students moving on to College. I selected a few from the list, and although I am quite sure that there are plenty more qualified reads out there (which I will add as I go along) and here it is.

But besides getting a list together, there was a more eminent question to be answered: Which of these would I tackle first?

I did some more searching, and found that since most of these authors are long dead, much of their works are available on-line. One of the first that came into vision was Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. I remember trying to read this once then getting bored -- or perhaps I was bored by the movie, but I had the impression that most of Austen's novels contained silly romantic stories about whimsical gals playing the game of love with wealthy, well-bred, well-mannered gentlemen, and eventually scoring marriage. Tone of these novels would be frivolous and light, and that didn't (still doesn't) appeal to me. I often like grim and dark tales like Les Miserables, but Austen is English, and her work frequently topped these lists, so I gave it a try. It's a easy breezy read. Not too heavily immersed in a historical era, although I haven't read too much yet. I am on chapter 5 or something, but each chapters are very brief.

So that is what I did today -- I started on Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice -- I daresay that her work would be as appealing as the other English women writers -- namely the Bronte sisters, Charlotte, Emily, and Anne, whose work I admire, mostly for the drama. You have to have some sort of story, then a conflict, and a climax, and a resolution. Some intensity! I don't know, but I am willing to give Jane a try. When I think of Jane Austen, Gwyneth (sp?) Paltrow (the actress) frolicking around in a babydoll dress comes to mind. I don't like Ms. Paltrow -- she seems inhuman. Not inhumane, but just un-human-like. No feelings. No emotions. Eh. I'm drifting away from the focus again...

So that's what I'm reading now.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. So it is time for me to bitch about it. This would be my third Valentine in a row alone, but I don't mind being so single. In fact, I celebrate the fact that I can live, even flourish, without a man. I know many women who aren't so capable. However, it is for this single occassion, Valentine's, that the entire society pressures me to feel like I need to get myself a man. Even if it is just to get a dozen roses and some chocolate, and dump him straight afterwards. I refuse to be conform! There may come a day when I fall in love and want to share my time with another human being; for now I am satisfied with where I stand. I love having leisure time, without always waiting or driving to meet someone. Spending hours of separation on the phone, wondering what to get for that person's special day, or even having the feeling of nervousness and anxiousness -- I just don't need to spend time that way. I have things to do -- enjoy television, write, clean my room, pamper my cat, go out and take photos, and aftewards, if I have time left over, which I usually don't, I'm going to have to blow on that clarinet for once, refresh myself of the Japanese I had learned, rekindle my love for the violin, paint (I have purchased massive amounts of paint and paintbrushes on eBay, but never used them!), reorganize my closet, and such. Everyone I know is telling me that I am at the age to go out and bask in romance -- that I am not too young, so I won't be too foolish, and that I am not too old, so I won't have worldly things to worry about -- that this is the golden time for romance. "Enjoy your twenties while you can!" they say. But I am! I am enjoying my life, and I can say that with a certainty, because my enjoying of life doesn't depend on another human being! It is not conditional, where I need to have him to be happy. I am just so happy, being with myself, by myself, for myself. It's all about me, me, and me! And like my acquaintances say, when else am I going to be able to exude the gossamer love for myself without any hang-ups, worries, obligations...?

Having relationship is vital. I agree. Humans are social animals and need to be in the company of fellow man. Understandable. I'll have plenty of time to do that -- the people who tell me these things, that I will have too much obligations in my late 20's and 30's to enjoy romance, are the people who follow the guidelines set by society's standards. To be married before 30, have children, work on a career -- with that schedule, of course you won't be able to enjoy life! I don't want to compromise or schedule "my- time" because I have to conform to society's expectances.

I am at a great age. I am in optimal health, my mind is sharp as a razor, a full head of hair, and porcelain skin with a few scattered freckles. I am strong and able-bodied, and when I laugh, it is loud, and it rings from the bottom of my stomach. My mind is like a sponge -- whatever I see, feel, learn, hear -- I absorb instantly. The capacity is endless! Why would I waste my time looking for a man, when clearly, it isn't the right time for me? I don't want to feel that I am running out of time to date, because by 27 I'll have to be married, and by 30, I'll have 2.5 kids and a husband and a dog. When I'm 35, I don't want to be running during mad traffic to pick up the kids from soccer practice, and worry about not getting a project done for work, and what I'm going to cook for dinner, and if I remembered to get the kids their flu shots! I am not running out of time. I'm going to live to be 110. I have nearly a century of life ahead of me. Believe me, I've got plenty of time to date, sort out the losers from the keepers, and find that soul mate. So screw you, Valentine's Day. You thought you could connive me into submission of your ways, to have me feeling miserable because I am without a man. Screw you, because I am happy the way I am, and I have no shame in that. Just to show you off, I am going to a candy store and buying myself a box of chocolates, because I am whom I love. And if there aren't too many poor crazy chaps at the flower shop today, I will get myself a rose or two, too. Just to show you, that Valentine is about love, not just between a man and a woman, but love. Wholesome, genuine, generic love. I love me, and that's that.

SPAM Poetry -- finally someone's done something about SPAM! (Not the canned goods kind -- the bulk-mail kind...)

Click Here to read the Report.

Yesterday morning I was driving to work, as usual, when I heard the bomb being dropped. I always listen to KIIS-FM because the morning DJ, Rick Dees, has the most pleasant voice, and his show is not too loud, not too dull, but just right. It has just the amount of excitement to wake me up in the morning, but not so much that it has me abruptly jumping out of my slumber. He's on from 5AM until 10AM, so whether I am going to school, work, or wherever, I am very likely to catch him on-air. He is charismatic -- on Tuesday (yesterday) when he announced that he will not be returning to the AM show, he made me tear up, but it wasn't the first time. The genuine sincerety in his voice can move a heart. I can understand why he became popular, and how he managed to wake up Los Angeles for 22 years. He even has a star on the walk of fame, and he is one of the best radio show hosts.

The final show and various news outlets did not provide me with much info -- no justification as to how and why he was leaving. Was he ill? Did he decide to retire? Did he get into a fight with his co-host, Ellen K? It was just said that it's been decided, and that was that. After much snooping around and researching, I have gotten the impression that the negotiation for the contract between Mr. Dees and Clear Channel (who owns many many radio stations around the U.S.), did not come to an agreement, and ultimately, Mr. Dees decided to leave. But why so suddenly? I am not sure the listener was prepared adequately to face such an uproar.

I didn't realize what this person meant to me. It was a given that I turn on the radio when I get in my car, and listen to the show. He introduced current events, made jokes, discuss personal problems, and many other things. I didn't realize that I really listened to him. He accompanied me through the commute to work and to school, and although the drive isn't so long these days, there have been times in my life when the drive to work/school in the morning was more than an hour long. He talked to me during those long boring hours, and he kept me company. The voice resonating from the radio became a friend. Sort of like an imaginary friend. He was just there.

This morning, that voice was absent. Instead there was Ryan Seacrest, the famed "metrosexual" from the American Idols show. It is assumed that he will take over Mr. Dees. I am not sure I can make that adjustment. There is this void now in my morning hours -- like I forgot to brush my teeth, or skipped the daily coffee. How I will replace it, I just do not know. There is a lesson here for me today -- that is, not to take anything for granted, appreciate everything as they come, and be thankful, and recognize it. A valuable lesson to anyone who wants to reap more joy from life.

We can't eat anything. First it was the cows, and now it's the chickens. Even salmon is dangerous (I'm a mighty salmon-eater -- it is my favorite animal to eat...!) because most are farmed and they contain too much PBQ or PBL or BBQ or something!

I have a nasty head cold. Is that what it's called? A head cold? When you head feels swollen like a balloon stretched beyond its limits... seconds before exploding? My tonsils are swollen, I have a hard time swallowing, I'm thirsty all the time, I can't smell, I can't taste, it's hard to breathe!

I am going to overhaul my blog, as soon as I learn how to use that microsoft program, or perhaps another program that does the same things. I've actually spent some quality time visiting other blogs (trying to broaden my blogosphere (yikes that sounds like a no-no word!)) and found that anybody who's got a time-worthy blog has a tasteful design/layout. Well, those that I prefer to read, anyways. Some hire professionals to do it, some go through the D-I-Y phase and learn the damn html language, but all have fantastic designs. Some I like, some I really like, some I don't like, but I recognize their high quality blog layouts. I'm trying to find a cooky and spicy, yet tasteful and classy graphic to adorn my page... any suggestions? I love the artwork by Shag that currently is displayed on my blog (see above!) and I love the bold purple color background, but I am just having so much errors and glitches that I just want to start from scratch and do it over. I think I just tried to do too many things -- play music, have javascript all over the place, columns appearing out of no where, a title that's fuzzy, etc. etc. I think I'm going to (have to) go for a simpler feel. The shock value of having purple blog with matching purple decor was good for a limited time, I guess. Anyone who can offer help would be thanked tremendously (but no gratitude would be expressed in a form of currency! I am poor!).

I have good news, and a bad news as well. My upstairs neighbor who played "Besame Mucho" all through out the witching hour (notably 12-3AM) has stopped playing that song. Unfortunately, they just changed the song to "Feelings." So now instead of the "besame~~ besame mooooocho~~~" I have to lull myself to sleep with "feeeeelings, oh oh oh feeeeelings, oh oh oh feeeeel you~~~ again in my arms~~~"
Honestly , I don't really know what's worse.

Just some random footage of an atomic bomb I found: Click to see clip! Again, if you are offended by awe-striking images of bombs exploding, please do not click on that link! ((It's not gory or scary or tasteless (e.g. Janet Jackson's "nipple shield."), but I have to put this little disclaimer to protect my audience.))

Perils of On-Line Dating

There was a time in my life when I wasn't quite comfortable with being single. Being an honest-to-goodness uber-geek, I never had a boyfriend until I was 19. But after the first one, the young men kept on coming, one after the last, even though I didn't intentionally go out and hunt (!) for men the minute I turned single. It was an odd sequence of events that was envied by my best friend, who had trouble finding a single relationship, while the men I dated, however loser-ly they were, wanted to commit to a relationship with yours truly. Was it a good thing? I am not so sure.

Dating men who were, for the most part, much inferior than myself definitely boosted my self-confidence to a certain extent. They made me feel wanted and beautiful, and I hung out with their equally un-cool friends. Among a sea of people with an extremely low hotness factor, I was a definitely a hottie. Being a hottie (reminder: everything is relative) made me feel great for a while, but then I realized that I wanted to be with better guys who weren't so... so... mediocre (to put it mildly). Of course that goes back into my ideal man thing, so I won't go into too much detail on what made them mediocre -- I'll eventually have to sum up that post sometime.

My last boyfriend was in 2001. Towards the end of 2001, I broke up with my then-boyfriend for the third and final time. It was right on time, and I started 2002 fresh. I had a few opportunities to date a few young gentlemen, but I had decided to raise the level of standard. I am intelligent. I speak good and darn proper English. I can write coherently. I appreciate a vast variety of music. I am tolerant -- i.e. I am not a racist, I am not homophobic, etc.. I read the news and keep up with current events. I am a well-rounded individual, although there is a small, very minor dent in sports (i.e. I don't know all the members of the Los Angeles Lakers). I honestly believe that I deserve a man who is equally intelligent, who's not a slob, who functions like a human being, who is independent (i.e. doesn't ask mom for everyday-wardrobe help, although the occasional assistance would be tolerable). I don't want to get into that ideal thing again, but so I have declined the few men that chance threw my way.

Being single sucked. At least during that time. I wanted to meet quality men, but they seemed non-existant. After much groaning, I came across a place where you can place your very own personal ad on a website. You can also browse through other people's ads, view photos, send e-mails, and so on. I am quite sure all of you know of these sites. Well, being a brave pioneer (of course then I realized that there were literally a gazillion people on these websites before I even found it a possibility) I signed up and posted my info/stats. Although there were a few scary individuals (Thanks to those who sent e-mails saying "Hi. I think
your hot. Wanna get together for a threesome?" Sorry I never responded -- I don't respond to people who generally cannot/cares not write with correct grammar/spelling --just a pet peeve, no offense) I eventually started exchanging e-mails with a young man, who was intelligent, currently in grad school, read Dostoyevsky, and yet did not have the appearance of Shrek, nor the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

After a few e-mails, however, I realized that this young man, is out of my league. I hate that phrase. But I had to recognize that fact. He was doing graduate studies in some science (let's just call it rocket science) and I was a nothing, compared to him. I'm not saying degrees or numbers say anything, but I just lived day to day and had no accomplishments. My nursing career has been in the "getting started mode" for years. My plans to go to med school are getting delayed year after year. I felt ashamed, but not so much in a negative way.

I want to share my life with great people. Whether they are a car salesman, a professor, a disc jockey, a starving doctorate student, they must have passions and hopes. They want to be in a constant "I want to improve my life" mode. Because that is my own modus operandi. They have to study, whether it be reading fiction, reading the news, learning a new language, a new instrument, trying to keep a gold fish alive for more than a week (because that is really really hard to do, believe me I've tried!). They have to have the mentality of conquering new things and along with it, the desire and the passion to do it. So in short, I decided that I must become that person first, before I can start looking for that special someone. I must be someone who satisfies my wants. I can't be a fat loser and expect a brilliant-compassionate-opposite-of-loser to like me.

So again, I have drifted from my topic a bit. My post on that dating website has been left, unintentionally. I received an e-mail from a guy, introducing himself. I logged in and found that my profile had been seen 480 times, and this man had sent me an e-mail. He seems interesting, but doesn't seem to fit my bill. His profile seemed harmless enough, but some stuff in his e-mail has alarmed me just a tad bit. I know I am very very nit-picky about little things, and perhaps I am reading too much into it. He wrote an e-mail. In approximately 24 hours, he sent me another e-mail saying that he was wondering, because he hadn't heard from me in "a few days." (It took a while for me to compose the responding e-mail) I checked the date stamps on his e-mails -- Exactly 23 hours 57 minutes and 51 seconds had elapsed. The fact that he would write that -- although it was just that one line -- kind of put me in a higher alarmed mode, kind of like the homeland security terror threat level thing. It just went from a yellow to orange -- from a mild state of awareness (of psychos) to a rather intense state of paranoia. There were a few other things that kind of alerted me.

So what exactly are the perils of on-line dating? Should I just cross it off my list? I am much more in favor of meeting people the "normal" way. Through work, through school, through friends, through friend's roomate's friend's cousins, etc.. Ultimately, I will go back into dating hybernation, because I faced the reality that my mind has started to venture into this whole situation because I haven't kept myself busy. I start school in a week and half, I still have 30+ hours of work per week, along with 15 units of school! I have to continue my plan to run three times a week minimum and waking up earlier to fit in half an hour of pilates. I have to refresh my memory of Japanese that I had learned, and I have to crack open that clarinet case if I ever want to be able to play "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" or at least "Hot Cross Buns!" And I have to make time to blog. Even when my best friend was in town for three weeks or so, I slacked on my blogging. So I have avoided the perils of on-line dating -- I won this round. But would I be so lucky the next?

An interesting article on the news today: 100 Men in NYC Seek Right to Wear Skirts.

Yesterday, a dear friend/sam-chon of mine, Mr. Crawford Kilian, turned 63 years young. He was born into a time of political frenzy (but of course, when is time not in a political frenzy? It's always crazy) and spent his childhood in Mexico, and later in California. Since then he has moved to Canada, of which he is a citizen now, and currently resides in a beautiful area of Vancouver. He is the author of many sci-fi/fantasy books, and holds many blogs in regards to his fictional writing, writing for the web, and etc.. You can find the link on your left (provided it shows up).

It must be fabulous to be 63. I'm a strong believer in that a lot of wisdom comes from living life. My current perception on things will be different from my perception in the future. It will be better. Ultimately, I'll have smarter and wiser things to say on my blog, provided that they are still around. Right now, I don't know the impact (or lack of) that my words have. Here I am, just typing, and pretty soon I will be pressing the "Post" button, which will send my words off to cyber-land where it can be viewed by the millions (potentially speaking). I really don't know where I'm going with this, but let's finish it with a big Happy Birthday to Mr. K. -- may the next six decades of your life be equally (if not better) fantastic as the previous ones have been!

Happy Birthday Mr. K!